Metatron hold my Ramen, I got this!
by Yorae Rasante
Summary: The Face and Voice of God visits Konoha... looking for the one he has the face and voice of. Now, even though it is hard to believe he is God of the Bible, Naruto lived through so much they decided to give the guy a chance and he went to visit his world... until Naruto makes a quick stop in Kuoh and derails everything. The Devil's Luck... or whatever... indeed.
1. God Naruto

**NOTICE: There have been quite a few reviews complaining about the small power comparison that happens later involving Kaguya. While in future chapters I tried to justify my view, I decided it is better to just explain it here at the start of the first chapter.**

 **There are two explanations. Both are true.**

 **The meta explanation: I both didn't think of Kaguya as as powerful as people seem to think of her, and didn't want Naruto to become as as powerful as people want him to be because then he won't be challenged in the future unless I obviously nerf him or buff his enemies (something everyone seems to do, he splits his chakra in dozens during the war yet Vali dividing his power in half is a big deal all the time?), thus I made Kaguya, the measuring stick, not be as powerful as those who he could be fighting later so he would struggle against them too.  
In my mind, that meant "those above Kaguya, that we did not see going full power yet? They mean even more business!"  
Some people did not take kindly to my way of doing it. They have their own notions of how the power scale between the two series is, judging on hearsay and word of the author, and my story deviating from it was not accepted by some.**

 **The in-story explanation: I must admit, I did not do this consciously at the time, but I do not need to change anything, just put the pieces together for you guys.  
Kaguya lost the Bijuu at the end of the fight.  
The scale is based on the current power. The words used are "** ** _Kaguya was strong, but she isn't…_** **", notice the "isn't" is in the present tense, even if the "was" is in the past one.  
Thus it is saying the power of Kaguya ****_without_** **the Bijuu is that one.**

 **I have to admit the meta is the true story, but hope the in-story is workable without any actual edit and active retcon save for this notice being added. I hope that admitting it makes the problem more forgivable.**

IIIII

 **So, my computer broke. Meaning I lost everything saved there.**

 **Now, they are trying to recover everything for me, but meanwhile… I just got the urge to write a story.**

 **This story wouldn't get out of my head… so I decided to write it before focusing on an older story (right now, I'm thinking on giving another try at the next chapter of Fly Me To The Moon, it just didn't want to get out last time I tried).**

 **So, a DxD crossover with Naruto. Hopefully this one will be more original, since it has an un-nerfed end-of-manga Naruto who does** ** _not_** **become a devil (for the simple reason he is too powerful for Evil Pieces). Pairing is undecided for now, may even not happen. Even if so getting a harem is not in the plans either, but that may change, who knows.**

 **I honestly saw some crossovers where Naruto, or Harry Potter, become the reincarnation or has always been the original God of the Bible.**

 **But I myself never saw it being in any way related to the fact Metatron was shown in an official side-story to be a fan of ninjas living among humans.**

 **So, what would happen if a guy with his face and voice (since despite Metatron being known as the Voice of God, he is** ** _also_** **known as the Face of God) just happens to enter his village and claim he is a god?**

 **This first chapter isn't very humorous, but I have** ** _plans_** **for the future.**

 **Also, later Metatron will be mentioned as wearing a helmet. I based the idea on the SMT Metatron looking like he is covered in metal, but I have a completely-made-up-by-me in-story reason and thus my mental image of it turned into silver daft-punk (a silver Guy mask, despite Thomas being the silver one, for some reason)…**

IIIII

Sasuke left the village, his head held high and his left arm gone.

Tsunade was willing to make him a substitute, but he refused. The reason, be it pride or repentance, was kept only between the two of them.

The point is, he just left the village, saying goodbye to the other members of Team 7.

Which was why he was so surprised meeting Naruto _in front_ of him.

"Excuse me," Naruto asked, in a weird voice. It startled Sasuke when he figured out, the voice sounded the same… but the difference was that this Naruto was calm, polite and… did not recognize him.

And definitely got startled when Sasuke drew his sword in his direction, Sharingan spinning in his eye.

"Woah, I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?"

"Did you… why do you look and sound like Naruto?" Sasuke asked through gritted teeth.

"Look and… oh, that's perfect, so you know him personally!" the stranger said with a smile. A wide smile just like Naruto's, but the man did not _act_ like Naruto so that smile became _wrong wrong wrong—_

"Well, how do I explain… do you believe in reincarnation?"

Sasuke nodded despite himself. Hard not to, when he was a transmigrant. Well, they may be different things, but he never bothered to find out the difference.

"Well, long story short, my adopted father used a skill to make me look and sound like him, to work as a diplomat in his name. He… died some time ago, but recently when I was traveling nearby my appearance and voice changed. I've been trying to find who I believe to be his reincarnation since then."

Sasuke snorted. "You story is hard to believe, but my sharingan didn't detect any sign of you lying, so either you believe it or you are better at lying than me at detecting… And I played poker with Naruto. He lives in the village right there," he said, pointing to behind himself over his shoulder. "I suggest disguising your face and voice and asking for Uzumaki Naruto, though. Most people would think it is just one of his pranks."

The stranger nodded, and henged himself into a brown-haired man. "Thank you, young one."

Sasuke was going to say something, but then remembered this person was probably older than Naruto, for his adopted father to be the idiot's previous incarnation, so he just nodded and went on his way.

He sighed. Since when did a random person looking for someone because they were a person's reincarnation make total sense to him?

And, well, if the person lied and somehow fooled his sharingan… it's Naruto. He won't lose that easily.

Besides, it's not like his henge would fool anyone.

IIIII

Naruto and Sakura, followed by Kakashi who seemed to have been somehow convinced not to be late, arrived at the Hokage's office just in time to see… Tsunade downing a whole bottle of sake, Shizune downing a second one more slowly, and… a shadow clone of Naruto?

"Proceed," said Tsunade, to the confusion of the visitors.

"That's… it, really. Oh, and I'd like to take him to see our home, even if he decides not to stay," said the shadow clone, in a completely non-Naruto way.

"That's on him, I guess," Tsunade said, nursing her head as if staving off a headache… an action all viewing seemed to be familiar with save the shadow clone.

"Baa-chan, what is going on?" Naruto asked, ready to evade a high-speed office implement… that… never came?

"And speak of the devil, or… whatever he is," Tsunde said, shaking her head. "Hey brat, come here. We found this guy sulking around town looking for you under a _very_ unconvincing henge."

Naruto entered cautiously, looking at the shadow clone… that now he could see only had his appearance. He did not act or feel like one of his clones.

"Hello, Uzumaki Naruto," the clone said. "My name is Enoch, but most know me as Metatron."

Naruto looked at the clone.

Then turned to Tsunade.

"Baa-chan, I swear I didn't know shadow clones could get lives of their own if left by themselves! I'll take care to pay attention and dispel every one of them from now on!"

"I'm not a clone, Naruto-sama," Enoch said.

"Really? Naruto asked, confused. So you just happen to _look_ like me, _sound_ like me and even have the same birthmarks?"

"Actually, there's a reason for all of that. And actually just my head and skin tone is the same as yours, I think I'm a few centimeters shorter and I bet we have different scars."

Saying that, Enoch shows his arms, showing they are both scarred, while Naruto's natural one is blemish-free.

"Ok... then what is the reason?"

"Oh, a previous incarnation of yours used a technique on me so I would look and sound like him, or right now you, to be his public face and voice."

"Uh… hum…"

"Well," Sakura interrupted, "you did meet previous incarnations of Indra and Asura. You fought Madara besides Harishama-sama, remember?" she pointed out.

"That's a transmigrant, Sakura-chan," Kakashi corrected. "That's more of a possession of people with similar souls. More like giving someone else your kidney or eye, not growing a new one."

"Ok, let's pretend this makes sense—" Naruto started, just to be interrupted by Tsunade.

"Which, considering that you fought an unzombified Madara and a goddess before being brought back to our dimension by the souls of previous kages and the Sage of Six Paths, who you met before when he helped bring you back to life stronger than ever…"

"When you put it like that…" Naruto agreed.

"No, _that_ is not the hard to believe part. _Now_ we are getting to the hard to believe part."

Enoch nodded. "In our land, your earlier incarnation was known as a god."

"…a god," Naruto repeated. "As in Kaguya, god."

"Stronger."

"Well… we defeated Kaguya, so it isn't _that_ hard to believe…" Naruto nodded to himself. "Being a god is clearly overrated."

"Excuse me?" Sakura asked, incredulous. "Were we at the same battle, because I clearly remember us almost dying for her many times. Tobi, or Obito or whatever he wanted to be called _did_ die!"

"I know, I know," Naruto raised his hands, trying to placate her. "It's just that… We _did_ win despite her being a goddess. And now this guy's god is dead enough to reincarnate."

"He… kinda has a point," Enoch interrupted.

"Of course you'd take _his_ side," Sakura grumbled.

"All I mean is that, while my god in life was in the top four strongest beings, he wasn't _the_ top one. The others top aren't even _gods_. …The 'top 10' list , that does not count the top 4, now 3, also feel like they aren't made of as many gods a people seem to think… but again, they'd think _all_ of them would be…  
Gods are strong, but they aren't the be-all end-all of creation as most seem to think."

"Wait, what?" Naruto asked, confused. "A top 10 ignoring the top 4? How does that even work?"

Enoch shrugged. "Supposedly the top 4 are so stronger than the next one they decided not to count them."

Naruto blinked.

Then blinked again.

"And what was Kaguya?"

Enoch took a deep breath. "Kaguya… was strong, but she is not even in the top 10."

"And my past incarnation was part of these top 4."

"Yes."

"…I call bullshit. We wouldn't have had near as close a problem with Kaguya if it was so."

"Well, your past self was... old. And trained and experienced. I'm actually surprised you are already strong enough my face changed."

"How old?"

"Thousands of years old. Trust me, the power you have now? Barely scratching your potential."

"O…k. Let's assume I am the reincarnation of your god and you can somehow prove it. What now?"

"Well…" Enoch started, rubbing the back of his head in a very Naruto way before noticing it and stopping with a neutral face, "I was hoping you'd come visit our… uhm, land, and maybe if you agreed assume again the mantle of… well, our equivalent of your Kages…"

"What? No! I swore that I would become Hokage and I never go back on my word! How—"

"I was hoping shadow clones…" Enoch flinched a bit at Naruto's denial. "I'm not saying to go back on your word, I'd never dream, or have nightmares, about it. I'm not saying you have to take it right now, not even sure if you can, you need a few decades to be ready, more than long enough to train the next Hokage… but just visit and meet the others, they've been without you in their lives for so long… I mean, for us you are the reincarnation of our father, even if not all were created directly by your past life…"

Naruto sighed. Deeply.

"I won't have to give up on being Hokage?"

"If I am right, and I have no doubts, you can _tire yourself_ of being Hokage."

"And it _is_ a tiring job," Tsunade agreed from the sidelines.

"As far as I'm conserved if you wish you can be both at once when you recover enough. I just want the others to know you are born and well for now."

Naruto sighed, and looked at Tsunade.

The young-looking old lady shrugged.

"How much will we be away?" he asked.

"One week at least, but we can stay as long as you like," Enoch answered with a big smile.

"I'll classify this as an escort mission of a foreign diplomat, I think…" said Tsunade, drinking another gulp.

"Are… are you guys serious?" Sakura asked, stupefied.

"Kurama feels no malice from him," Naruto shrugged. " _His_ intentions aren't bad."

Sakura looked at Kakashi's eyes, and both sighed. I had to be Naruto…

IIIII

"So, I guess you can fly while in this… Six Paths Sage Mode?" Enoch asked, trying to figure out which of the rumors are true already.

"Yeah… only did it once though. Never crossed my mind to use it much. … _can_ I still do it?" he pondered.

"No reason for you to have lost the skill. I mean, it is something of yours, not just the arm healing seal you lost," Enoch nodded. "Well, do you mind if we fly then? We will have to cross an ocean, and I don't think you'll be comfortable much on my back. And we can train it a bit on the way."

"Wait, how do you know about that?"

"I asked around," Enoch shrugged. "A young man was telling me about how it was a shame you lost the 'youthful' arm seal that saved his sensei's life."

Naruto couldn't help but let out a laugh, before trying to enter Six Paths Sage Mode. Classic Lee.

He closed his eyes and concentrated, and when he opened them they were golden. Golden energy was also covering his body, and his whiskers were now dark black lines. Black lines and symbols also covered his energy clothes.

Enoch nodded, before releasing his wings. Twelve wings of pure white feathers apparently made of light itself extended from between his shoulderblades.

"By the way, what is your religion?" Enoch asked while they rose, not bothering to flap his wings. "I know it isn't from the one your predecessor rules over, since you didn't recognize my name. It seems like a mix od Shinto and Buddhism?"

"It is called Ninshuu," Naruto said. "I'm not the most religious of people, though."

"Understandable."

They flew for a couple hours, passing through a passage in the Dimensional Void, but as Naruto wasn't used to flying yet they eventually had to stop to rest.

At Japan.

In Kuoh.

To Naruto this meant nothing. To Enoch this meant danger, and if he did not know he'd ask what his Father was sending him there for.

Then Naruto tensed… and started running towards a park nearby.

Surprised, Enoch followed him…

The scene he saw was… bizarre.

A devil, apparently a newly-converted one, was trying to save a nun from a Fallen Angel.

Luckily he was able to catch Naruto and cover his mouth before he did something stupid.

"We can't let them see us!" Enough whispered with urgency on his ear.

"She is kidnapping that girl," Naruto whispered back. "I can sense malice from the one with black wings, and the blond one is scared and sad. I _got_ to help her!"

And then… something Enoch never thought would happen, the reincarnation of his father hit him to make him let go.

He was so surprised, he lost sight of him.

If he had asked anyone in Konoha, he would know that was a _terrible_ idea…

IIIII

Raynare didn't care for anything anymore.

She had fallen. She didn't even remember why.

That meant that the thing that gave her the most happiness in life was taken, and no other Fallen had ever gone back. She doubted she'd be the first either.

So, like all other Fallen, she indulged in vices. An attempt of filling the emptiness.

And right now, she was preparing a ritual to kill a pure soul and steal her Sacred Gear to become stronger. To try and get Azazel's love. In an attempt to fill His love that she lost.

She looked to the other three, the three she had no idea why they were helping her. Dohnaseek liked to fight. So he was probably there hoping for trouble. But Kalawarner and Mittelt…

She did not care for the stray exorcists. They were more hired help. Specially Freed Sellzen.

Being lost in though would be her excuse for her surprise. But if she was honest with herself, somehow the blond boy wearing orange was unnoticeable until he dropped behind Sellzen and knocked him to the wall repeatedly until he passed out.

His features were Japanese, but as mentioned his hair was a clearly natural blond and his eyes were blue like a clear sky.

Before anyone else could make sense of what was going on, though, the boy _exploded_ and became an army.

The next time Raynare could make sense of things, she was pinned to the ground by one of the blonds, as well as everyone else but the girl chained into the cross-shaped machine.

Then she saw out of the corner of her eye a sphere of pure energy cut the chains as if they were nothing.

"What… who are you?" the nun asked, confused at what just happened.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto," the boy finally said _something_. "I noticed you were in trouble so I came to save you."

"Why?" she asked in confusion. Raynare agreed with her, did he just come and help someone because he felt like it?

The boy, Naruto, thought about it for a second. "Why not?"

Tears of frustration entered Raynare's eyes, as she just couldn't budge the copy of Naruto holding her down. "What, so you really want us to believe you just helped 'out of the good in your heart'?"

"Pretty much," the boy shrugged. "I once made a promise never to carry any regrets on why I do something. I'll go against my superiors if it is what I think is right, and I definitely won't turn my back on someone who I believe I can help."

"Pretty words. How do they measure to reality?"

Naruto shrugged. "I'm not perfect, but I do my best and that's all I can ask myself for."

Was this guy even real? He was answering it all so matter-of-factly, as if it was obvious. He felt human, but his attitude was like those goody-two-shoes that still had her Father's love.

Then, to the surprise of everyone, especially the blond, Dohnaseek created a light spear and hit the copy holding him with it… and it burst in smoke.

Her fellow Fallen took advantage of it and went straight for the one who was talking—

Ok, never mind the goody-two-shoes comment. The blond gave him a punch to the gut strong enough to make him vomit and then made him hit his head on the ground to pass out right on top of it.

Raynare's mouth opened, but there was no sound coming out. After all, what could surprise her more?

Her answer was **_Metatron_** entering their stronghold in full regalia, a silver mask covering his face and his robes flowing around his body.

 **Uzumaki Naruto.**

His voice echoed, and Raynare whimpered. Ok, Metatron, _the_ Metatron, was there and seemed furious.

At the guy she just called a goody-two-shoes right before he defeated Dohnaseek with two merciless strikes.

 **You punched me in the gut.**

"You were in my way," the human replied. Matter-of-factly.

Could he not feel the power filling the air at every word the Voice of God spoke?

…wait, he punched _Metatron_ in the gut?

 **It was a battle between a Devil and a Fallen Angel.**

"Yeah well, there was a girl between them that needed help," the blond said, pointing to Asia.

…wait… wait…

Oh crap, Metatron was _right there_ when she took the nun from Issei!

 **Both the Devil faction and the Fallen Angel faction are our enemies.** **  
** **If they find out how important you are, you will be in grave danger.**

"Well, you didn't tell me that."

Raynare then saw something she never expected. _Metatron_ , huffing in annoyance.

 **Would it have changed anything?**

"Of course! I would have been more stealthy and taken then away from the shadows instead of jumping in the middle of them and being recognized. I'm a ninja, you know?"

"You wear orange," Mittelt said.

"And yet I was able to surprise all of you," he shot back, and she younger Fallen had no reply.

"E-excuse me…" said a meek voice, and everyone turned to the rescued girl. "I am very sorry, Lord Metatron, for causing trouble between you and the one you were trying to protect."

 **Fear not, child. I should have expected his actions.**

"Please don't punish him for trying to save someone who was excommunicated, he did not know," she continued.

 **I doubt it would have made any difference in his actions.** **  
** **He is known as a selfless person nowadays—yes, Naruto-sama?**

"What does 'excommunicated' mean?"

"It means she did something so terrible the church judged her unworthy of going to Heaven," replied Raynare.

"I… I used the power given to me by the Lord to heal someone… but then we found out that person was a Devil, and as punishment I was cast out by the church…"

Naruto looked at her and blinked. Once. Twice. Then a slow one.

He then turned to Metatron.

 **Before you want to punch me in the face—**

"Too late," the now-identified Naruto replied, cracking his knuckles.

Seriously. Who _was_ that guy?

 **I have nothing to do with this. It is not my department!** **  
** **I was looking around for you, remember?**

"…Ok," the blond sighed. "But warn whoever _is_ responsible that I do not like this."

 **Neither do I.** **  
** **One of the teachings attributed to Christianity is to do good without paying mind to whom.** **  
** **Whoever punished her did so not for going against this, but for embracing it.** **  
** **This will not do.**

Naruto nodded, serious.

And that's when a bunch of people entered the room.

"Issei-san," Asia said, and only now Naruto noticed an accent… and that she wasn't speaking his language earlier.

Uh. So he could understand other languages. Neat.

"Asia, are you alright?" a brown-haired boy around their age yelled, worry clear in his voice. "We came to save you."

"I-Issei-san came for me?"

Naruto smiled at her, giving her a small pat on her back as he moved away from her and towards the three conscious prisoners.

"Now, what to do with you three…" he mused, looking in their eyes. "Oh, and sleeping beauty right there," he pointed to Dohnaseek over his shoulder.

Raynare looked around… and the four Fallen were the only ones remaining. Even Freed had escaped, despite being the first one knocked out.

"The others were clearly just following orders," Naruto explained. "…Save for the creepy guy, he actually escaped while I was distracted. Something you four _won't_ do."

"Why?" was all she could ask.

"I'm new at this whole detecting malice business, ok?" Naruto huffed, as if offended. "So I didn't notice he was awake until it was too late.

Now, I want you three to swear to me you and the other guy will _not_ go after that girl again."

"What," Kalawarner said. "You will let us go, just like that?"

"Sure," Naruto shrugged. "I mean, I'll stop you guys again if you ever try to do something evil near me again, but as long as you learned your lesson and don't try to repeat this just because you _think_ my back is turned…"

The three felt it then. Killing Intent so intense they felt like they had already died many times on his attention alone.

"What is going on here?" said yet another voice, clearly irritated.

The voice belonged to a redhead, her hair a bit deeper red than Naruto's mom. Following her was a girl with black hair in a ponytail.

Now that he was looking at that direction, Naruto noticed the guy who the recued girl called Issei, and that called her Asia, had been followed by a blond dude wielding a sword and a petite white haired girl that looked at him like she saw a ghost.

Something easy to notice when the swordman and the two that just arrived were looking at Metatron instead.

"T-t-this," the redhead started, before swallowing her nervousness and trying again. "This town was agreed by all three factions to be a joint territory between the Gremory and Sitri clans. Explain your presence!"

Others would think her trembling legs would lower the effect of her words, but Naruto was impressed she was well enough to keep standing with that nervousness.

Metatron did not comment about that.

 **I am aware.** **  
** **I was guiding an important charge, when we had to take a quick stop in your town.** **  
** **That was when my charge witnessed someone being attacked by my Fallen brethren.** **  
** **He impulsively escaped my guard and came to rescue her.**

"And I'd do it as many times as needed," Naruto crossed his arms, looking away from Metatron's stare.

 **I am aware.** **  
** **Reincarnation clearly didn't help with your stubbornness.**

That drew everyone's attention. So that guy was the reincarnation of someone important for the forces of Heaven…

"Buchou, he saved Asia! …But he is also letting Yuuma go. I am so confused if I should insult him or not." Issei finally said.

"My real name is Raynare," she replied on instinct, forgetting for a second she was being held by someone who defeated their most experienced fighter with two hits.

"Eh, what's the problem with letting her go? I mean, sure she wanted to do something bad, but I stopped her and I think I already punished them enough to put the fear of ever facing me again on them."

"But… she killed me!" Issei whined.

Naruto just stared a him.

"...I got better, thanks to Buchou."

 **High-level devils can resurrect the recently deceased as their servants.**

"Well… I can understand you dislike her but if you got better you don't need to hold that much of a grudge anymore."

 **Don't hold everyone to your forgiveness standards.**

"I reject his forgiveness anyway," Raynare said, anger pouring through her words. "He doesn't deserve an apology from me."

"Ok… What did _he_ do?" Naruto asked, confused by all the vitriol.

"He was born," she replied.

"So are you," Naruto pointed out.

Raynare rolled her eyes. "I was born an Angel. I was created to be the example of all that is good in the world, and to serve both Father and the humans. Yet one slip and I was cast away by him forever.  
Yet he… he, a pervert, despicable, is blessed with his love. With a _Sacred Gear_ , a special gift from Father. He is blessed by my Father while I, who don't even remember what I did wrong, so small it must have been, am cast away from his love _forever_!"

Naruto's eyes widened. There was anger in his eyes, but it was not directed at her… what?

He turned to _Metatron_ of all people, and to her surprise said one word filled with command to _the Voice of God_ :

"Explain."

Metatron shook his head.

 **She is wrong.** **  
** **That is not what being a Fallen Angel means.**

"The fuck do you mean?" she could hear a voice ask in clear hurt and anger, and it surprised her to notice it was her own. "I felt it! I felt him leaving me behind!"

 **Being a Fallen Angel is a punishment, but it was never meant to be eternal.** **  
** **From the first time an Angel was cast away, Father explained how they could be brought back.** **  
** **I can only assume the older ones never told the younger generations, since they rejected his offer due to pride. Maybe… they even forgot themselves.** **  
** **All he asked for was for you to repent. A sincere apology, motivated not from desired to be forgiven but from true regret of your actions.**

"Are you saying… that the things we do to fill the void are… are just standing in our way from going back? That all we had to do was see that we did something bad and apologize?"

 **Yes.**

Raynare… laughed. And cried. Her laughter was hysterical and filled with self-anger.

The other two Fallen Angels were crying as well, but they were not as vocal. Raynare was their leader despite everything, and thus the responsibility, the guilt, the _punishment_ for everything was mostly on her.

Even Issei said that he couldn't even hate her anymore in those conditions.

But the one that asked the next question, something that made everyone pause, was not one of the Fallen or Naruto, but the black-haired devil girl.

"You say all Fallen need to do is be repentant of their actions, but what about the ones born Fallen? What about those that did nothing wrong but be born?"

Metatron looked at her.

 **For the same reason humans need to be baptized.** **  
** **Different circumstances, same reasoning.**

The devil opened her mouth in surprise. "Are you saying that if someone _born_ Fallen is baptized, they'd become a normal Angel?

 **Yes. …in theory. No one ever tried.** **  
** **Unfortunately, I do not know if this path is still available for the ones that have been turned into Devils.**

He black haired Devil scrunched her face, but said nothing more.

Naruto couldn't stand that scene anymore. The clones released the three Fallen, and he approached their leader.

"Hey, it's not so bad, you know? Now you know what you did wrong, so now you can work on fixing it!"

"Fixing it, he says," Raynare snorted, before flinching. "I don't even remember what I did wrong anymore."

"Does it matter? Doesn't it just matter if you regret it?"

"It's not that simple!"

"No, it is not," Naruto agreed. "But it is not that much complicated like you think either. You are just overthinking it."

He sighed. How to explain what he meant… ah!

"I have a friend… but we did not start as friends. In fact, when we first met he was an insane psycho, who would kill people for minor annoyances. But that's because he thought it was the only way he could live, killing people to reassure his existence… just like you guys do evil things to feel better.  
It was when I defeated him, that I showed him that being powerful and killing to prove it wasn't everything, that he woke up to reality. He ended up becoming one of the most respected people in our lands, and the younger and most respected leader of his country.  
You guys just went through the same thing. You just had proven to you that the evil things you were doing were not the best way to live. Now you need to do like Gaara did, turn around and do your best to live a good life."

"Do… do you really think it will work?" Mittelt asked.

"I'm sure. If you do your best to be good, what more can he ask of you?"

Metatron just looked. It seemed that Naruto had forgotten _he_ was the Father they were talking about now… but it's not like that is a bad thing.

But all good things must end, and he was sure they did good there.

 **Naruto-sama, we must be going.**

"Yeah, sure. Asia, let's get your luggage. Hope you don't get airsick."

Metatron's head jerked, the only way the people there could see he was surprised under his helmet.

 **But… she** ** _can't_** **come!**

"And why not?" Naruto asked, crossing his arms. "From what I got, she was in danger because she was punished by _your_ people for helping someone with no bad intentions. I refuse to go if I can't get her there to get reparations."

 **But you can just do it for her!**

"Oh no, I'm not taking responsibility for this! Then you guys will distract me and I'll end up forgetting!"

 **What—what do you think we are?**

"Somewhere with paperwork. That's how those bastards work, making you forget everything but them."

… **  
** **You know, that does explain a lot.**

"Doesn't it?" Naruto nodded. "Which is why either we take her with me, or I stay here with her until you bring the person responsible."

"What? No, there is no need—" Asia started, but Metatron interrupted, as if not even noticing her.

 **Very well. I… agree that this situation is disgraceful.** **  
** **It will take some time for me to convince him to come, though. I made no one aware of you.** **  
** **I was hoping it would be a welcomed surprise. But without you there it'll be harder.**

Naruto nodded.

"There is no need for you to do that for me," Asia tried again.

Naruto promptly flicked her on the forehead, getting a pained "ouch" from the girl.

"There was also no need for you to heal anyone just because you can. But you did for them. Let me do this for you too."

"But… you don't even know me."

Naruto just shrugged. "And am I supposed to only help those I know?"

While they had that talk, Metatron was looking around the church. Something that confused everyone.

He came back nodding to himself, and gave Naruto a wallet.

 **You should be able to live here comfortably for some time.** **  
** **But just in case, this should help.**

"Are you sure?" Naruto asked, a bit afraid. "I mean, I'm not of whatever religion this temple is for, wouldn't they be angry if I stayed here?"

Metatron chuckled.

 **Do not worry. I may not look like it, but I am a high-ranking member of my religion.** **  
** **Also, this religion's temples are called churches.**

Everyone else was confused. So… the guy didn't know what a church was? But was somehow important to The Church? But was also _angry_ at them?

 **Also, churches are shelters for those in need, no matter who as long as their intentions are pure.** **  
** **Which means no one has the right to complain.**

Naruto nodded.

He then looked around.

"Well, if we'll stay here for a bit, I better clean up the place." He then crossed his fingers, and the area he was in was covered in smoke.

The smoke disappeared in thin air, showing over a dozen copies of the blond.

"Ok, first step is checking everything. Look for materials, tools and the works. We'll only start the work after checking what we have and buying what we may need!  
Think of this as a D-Rank, guys!"

The copies jumped away at high speeds, so fast even the blond devil, used to moving at high speeds, just saw blurs.

Metatron opened his wings, drawing everyone's attention. His wings opened wide, and an aura of holiness covered him. It was clear his next words were going to be important.

 **Ninjas are awesome.**

"That we are," Naruto nodded sagely in agreement.

 _Everyone_ else blinked in confusion.

Save for Rias, whose eyes were filled with stars when she understood what they just said.

 **Rias Gremory. As you can see, someone very important for the Heaven Faction has chosen to reside in your territory for now.**

She nodded, while she wasn't happy about the fact (…mostly. _An actual ninja!_ ), he seemed to only have the best intentions.

 **You are warned. While I understand his motives, I still fear for his safety.** **  
** **In other words, if anything bad happens to him due to your faction's actions, I am having you directly responsible.** **  
** **That means that if your or the Sitri's siblings do** ** _anything_** **to harm him, be they warned that it will be not only on their heads, but on yours too.** **  
** **And I am aware they favor your heads over their own.**

Rias frowned, clearly offended. "Are you… threatening me into protecting your guest?"

 **I made no threats, Gremory. I thought I said the words "be they warned" properly.** **  
** **That means it is no idle threat but an assured warning.**

He then flared his holy power. A power that clearly dwarfed the power of all supernatural beings present…

…until Metatron was hit on the head by the very being he was protecting.

"Stop being such a mother-hen," Naruto complained, rolling his eyes. "Aren't you a trained diplomat? Act like it!"

And thus the present were witnesses of the rare sight of Metatron huffing in indignation but doing nothing.

Who _was_ that guy?

 **Anyways!** **  
** **Do not bother trying to recruit him into becoming your servant, devil.** **  
** **I am not even afraid of you trying.**

"Oh? So certain of his purity not being tainteable?" Rias teased. She couldn't deny that the guy was interesting, but she wouldn't think he could be converted… but the dismissal from the angel worked less like a warning and more like a challenge.

 **Oh no, far from it.** **  
** **He'd be tempted for enough bowls of ramen.**

"I'd like to complain, but I really would," Naruto agreed.

 **No, the reason I say that is because I know how your Evil Pieces system works.** **  
** **How the pieces are limited in power, even if they are mutations.**

 **In other words, I am not afraid of him being converted into a Devil for one simple reason…**

He approached the Gremory, her fearful face being reflected in his helmet.

 **You do not have enough badges to tame him.**

That said, Metatron shone extra-light, like a slow flashbang, and disappeared in the middle of the light.

"…did that angel just make a Pokémon reference?" Issei asked, fearful.

The white-haired petite girl that arrived with him just _looks_ at him, as if asking " _this_ is what you took from the conversation?"

The blond boy had a comment of his own. "You and Metatron both… are _not_ what I expected of members of the church."

"Well, I'm not, as much as Metatron is trying to recruit me," Naruto said awkwardly. "My religion is Ninshuu, it has a small mix of Shinto, Buddhism and smaller influences from others."

IIIII

Naruto woke up in a nice bed.

Not exactly a great bed, but not terrible either. It was the old bed reserved for the priest, that the other four insisted in him taking.

He resisted the urge to groan. He was able to keep the conversation at just Enoch arriving at his village and telling their leader that he was the reincarnation of someone important to Heaven and them agreeing on him visiting. He didn't go in details, making them think _Enoch_ didn't go in details.

That was enough for the nun-that-did-nothing-wrong and the three angels-that-wish-to-repent (maybe four depending on the fourth Fallen's mood and if he listened to them) to treat him as their superior though.

Anyway, better get up. Thanks to Enoch, he had to be under the devil leader's eyes while in town, and that meant going to their… school. This is going to be so boring…

He made some clones to make breakfast for everyone and was on his way to the outside of the church, do some training early in the morning, when, lo and behold, the fourth Fallen was there.

"The others told me what you and… Lord Metatron in person… told them," he said, not looking at Naruto. "I'd like to thank you. They are good girls deep down, even if Raynare was a bit twisted in her despair."

"I know, I saw it," Naruto replied, starting some stretches. "But… you don't sound like you are grateful about the news yourself."

The Fallen nodded. "My name is Dohnaseek. I was born in the rank of the soldiers of Heaven during the war. I fought in the war. The war ended… but I enjoyed fighting too much. I still do.  
I fell because my lust for battle is too big. I can control it, of course, but if the opportunity arrives I'll definitely do it.  
And I have no desire to repent for that."

Naruto nodded. "You reminded me of someone I met when I was young."

"You are still young. You are what, sixteen?"

"Seventeen and a war old. The war ended on my last birthday."

"Soldier or survivor?"

"Soldier. I joined the fight in the middle, but stayed there until the last blow."

"Oh. My bad then."

Naruto waved him away. That's the thing about war, those that lived one can split their lives in before and after. As much as he was still the same idiot, nothing would change those that he failed to save weighting in his memory.

"Anyways, Zabuza. I was training to be a shinobi at the time, not sure if you know the word."

"Shinobi and ninja are culturaly known through the world," Dohnaseek said. "I assume he was a good one?"

"He was known for his ruthlessness and like for killing. And he was definitively bloodthirsty, and cruel. The thing is… he was fighting to get money to finance a coup on a tyrant. He had an apprentice that he saw as his own son.

He was considered one of the evilest people around, and he definitely acted and probably was the part… but he was using that to help others in his own way.  
I know it is hard to believe right now, but maybe you can do the same. Your battlelust is a part of you now, but maybe you can focus it to do good."

"Maybe…"

Not expecting any more of an answer, Naruto left.

Or made to, before Dohnaseek's voice sounded once more.

"Metatron can't lie."

Naruto stopped.

"I remember this from even before Father died. He is His voice, and thus he is supposed to be truthful. That means he _can_ not say the truth, he can be cryptic as anything, but he can't lie. It is _literally impossible_ for him to tell a lie, even if he believes it to be truth."

Naruto said nothing.

"The others don't remember, being so young. Maybe they don't even know. But I saw it. I saw His state during the War, how weakened he was yet he was still a stubborn bastard and fought alongside us. I saw his last moments myself.

I don't need him to tell us who you are. Who you are the reincarnation of. I just needed… to talk with you for myself."

Naruto stayed still.

"I know it is hard to believe. You probably still don't and think Metatron is wrong, that I am projecting on you. But… but I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself.

Thank you."

And with that Dohnaseek left, leaving behind a Naruto with closed eyes.

After talking to those four Fallen, he really wished he _was_ the one they were waiting for… if only so he could help them properly…

…

And then a clone exploded while doing research, and Naruto found out about Pastafarianism.

Naruto smiled.

Metatron, having no idea why, wept.

Dohnaseek, having known his Father yet having no direct work under Him, had a sudden urge to buy popcorn.

The ex-but-not-really nun and the three Fallen girls were wondering why they were having ramen for breakfast, so they were distracted.

IIIII

"What are **_you_** doing here?"

Everyone looking at the scene was confused, save for the two making it.

For everyone's surprise, _Hyoudou Issei_ was angry at an _attractive_ girl.

Raynare visibly flinched. Oh right, she had been a bitch to him _and_ to Asia. "I'm… going to study here?"

And yes, she was clearly a new transfer student, wearing the school uniform yet no one in the school but those in the known would recognize her.

"And me too!" Said Mittelt to the side.

"We are trying to apply to work here," said Kalawarner, wearing a business suit with a skirt while Dohnaseek wore clearly exercise clothes and a whistle.

"Issei-san, I know that Raynare-san did some bad things… to both of us… but she is trying to turn a new leaf. Please at least give her a chance."

Issei took a deep breath, but eventually calmed down. "Alright Asia, I'll give her another chance… for you." But then, turning to the black-haired girl, his look was clearly not of someone who forgave her. "Do not make me regret this."

Raynare just nodded.

The group kept going inside the school… and only then Issei noticed the blond guy, it was Naruto, right? that had helped him save Asia… by doing all the work before he arrived there…

"The Pasta that lives in me salutes the Pasta that lives in you. R'amen."

Issei looked in confusion at the blond's retreating back.

He was far from the only one.

IIIII

Naruto never met Sona Shitori, but knew about her. And he already fell in love with one thing about her even before they met.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'SOMEONE FILLED THE POOL WITH RAMEN NOODLES IN THE NAME OF THE FLYING SPAGETTI MONSTER'?"

She apparently had a beautiful screaming-in-angry-disbelief voice.


	2. Well, that was easy

**Wow was that a lot of Favorites, Follows and Reviews! Thank you guys!**

 **Seriously, that's a LOT! There are mult-chapter fics I made with less. I even decided it was best to write this chapter right away instead of my plans of reviving Fly Me To The Moon.**

 **Thank you guys. I appreciate it a lot.**

 **But now, something not so good, and that may annoy some of you…**

 **I'd like to talk about something many people complained about: why Kaguya isn't in the Top 10.**

 **Many people seemed to think not making her the strongest there is, or at least much closer, ruins the story.** _ **Many**_ **. One person** _ **did**_ **seem to agree with me, but that was the exception.**

 **I even had a discussion with someone that did convince me that I wasn't giving Kaguya enough credit.**

 **But I won't change it for a simple reason… it doesn't really matter. They are different universes with different rules, so, in the words of Stan Lee himself, the stronger one is the one the** _ **writer**_ **chooses.**

 **Now, don't misunderstand me. I am not dismissing your arguments, but in my mind they aren't really important.**

 **Doesn't matter (or at least shouldn't) if I am overestimating the DxD universe. We only saw it in relation to itself until now (or should I say we heard about it, since we barely saw the extent of the power of most DxD characters), so we can't say how they relate to outside forces. If the enemies are estimated by me to be more powerful but to you they aren't,** _ **it is my job**_ **to make this version of them become so to you and be convincing about it.**

 **The Top10 is a matter of raw power as far as I know, but Naruto has been shown to outsmart those more powerful than him (although I personally would have liked to see this more as the manga went on). And so will he do here when relevant (if I'm able to do it right is another matter).**

 **Besides, Kaguya was the strongest on the original Naruto manga, but later Naruto has problems with Toneri and even later there are two other Otsutsuchi that canonically scared her. She wasn't the strongest on her own world.**

 **That said...**

 **I am willing to discuss this in PMs, but this is my official take on this. Please do take this as an invitation to stop mentioning this particular matter in reviews, and also take it as an invitation to PM me and talk to me about it personally. But, as much as this story is concerned, that is that.**

 **That also being said…**

 **Some people seemed** _ **really**_ **offended because my scale of power doesn't seem to fit theirs. While I am far from a fan of "if you don't like do it yourself", I** _ **would**_ **like to see if you can make this idea of mine work without seemingly losing all sense of novelty and drama quickly because he can curbstomp anyone with just power (sure, he is doing so easily right now, but I am planning for the long game). I know there are ways, but none that appeal to** _ **me**_ **as a writer.  
If you **_**do**_ **take this challenge, send me a link! I'd love to see other takes on my initial idea!**

 **I think that is enough Author Notes for now. Better deliver the story.**

IIIII

Enoch messed with his cellphone, still waiting for a return message.

Sure, others would ask him why not go directly to Michael with the news of the return of their God…

Those that asked these questions did not learn from ninjas that every set of rules has exploitable loopholes. He was sure that some of their members had found those and betrayed heaven without turning traitors. Some of the Church's actions he was aware of would never be approved through normal channels. And, if someone that was a traitor got wind of the revival of a weakened God, as powerful as Naruto could be…

No, it was best to keep it quiet until Michael was able to meet Naruto personally.

…If only there was a way to get Michael to meet him… If only he had remembered that the others had no idea _why_ he was so into ninjas and not mentioned that Naruto was one in his message…

Now Michael was probably thinking he just wanted him to meet his ninja trainer or something.

He sighed. Too late to turn back without attracting undue attention

"Your pizzas are ready," a waiter told him.

He smiled back. "Thank you."

True, pizzas were not the healthiest of foods to be eating all the time, but the others were so focused with Naruto's new Pastafarian project they many times did not eat until it was too late.

"All shall be touched by his blessed noodly implements" indeed.

And thus was why he exited the pizza store with six boxes of the circular Italian food. Sure, pizza is not exactly pasta, but he was sure that if the Flying Spaghetti Monster is real he wouldn't mind much.

Ignoring the blond Kuoh student who passed through him as if running from someone, Enoch put the boxes on the back of his bicycle and… wait…

"Uzumaki Naruto, stop right there!"

'Oh Father, you son of a…'

Not showing his annoyance, he turned to the incoming ladies –and one gentleman, or as close as a pervert could be. "Hello, Shitori-san. How can I help the Student Concil today?"

"Don't 'Shitori-san' me, Uzumaki-san," Shitori Sona said with a glint of victory in his eye. "This time we caught you red-handed! Did you think running away would save you from your punishment? Now, come with me back to school. You have a detention to take part on."

Enoch grimaced. He'd dislike being punished for Naruto's actions at any point, but at least this time he had an excuse.

"I am sorry, but you have the wrong person, Shitori-san. As I have witnesses of being here _and_ the still-hot pizzas to show for it, I've been here for a while."

"Oh yeah, then how do you explain _this_?" asked Genshirou Saji, the newest member of the student council.

He was waving around a cellphone, that was showing a picture of…

"I'd guess I was supposed to see more than a giant finger?" Enoch asked. "Because if not, rude man, what did I do to you?"

Saji's eyes widened as he looked back to the phone. "Noooo…"

"Regardless if we have evidence, we caught you red-handed!" Shitori insisted.

"You certainly did not catch _me_ doing anything," Enoch replied with a shrug. "As I already said, I have an alibi and plenty of witnesses. So, unless you think I can be in two places at once…"

The glint in her eye was gone, and her whole behavior deflated. Enoch could suddenly appreciate why Naruto was doing those things to her, she looked adorable. Like a sad puppy. He had to resist the urge to pet her. As much as he saw her as an adorable young girl, she'd see it as a similar-age classmate doing that, and that would be awkward.

While it would be entertain for him if something happened to Naruto due to that, Sona was a victim in this.

The temptation of still doing it as a prank on Naruto was strong, but he was also strong.

Somewhere else, Naruto frowned.

"I'm sorry, but I need to go before the pizzas turn cold. I'm taking them for the others, and I need to enter through the back else the people there thing it is for them too. Not that it'd be bad but we need to eat too."

"You're still doing it? I thought you would have stopped already," said Saji, surprised.

"No, sorry. The idea is to 'spread the noodly love for those in need', and they need to eat everyday so…"

"Well, yes, but I thought there wouldn't be enough volunteers or donations," he said, as a way of apologizing. Enoch didn't mention it, but it _was_ an nsulting remark.

But he would be right. Most of the people working in 'Spreading His Noodly Love' were henged shadow clones, and most of the donations were actually henged shadow clones doing part-time work for now.

But the idea was working. More and more people were either working there, or giving donations. Soon they'd be able to keep it going with only real people.

Now, if someone could convince Naruto to use food other than ramen…

"Do you mind if we go with you, Uzumaki-san?" asked the president.

"Don't you guys have problem with going to churches or something?" he asked. He knew they didn't save for _going right into enemy territory_ , but asked for appearance's sake.

"Oh, do not worry about that. As long as you vouch for us if any angel appears, we won't have any problem," she said, looking him in the eye.

The glint in her eyes, it did not seem like she was convinced of his innocence.

Which made sense if the person that no one else knew looked exactly like him was caught doing… whatever he was doing.

…What _was_ he doing?

"So, you mentioned before you thought you saw me doing something? What exactly did you see me doing?"

"You… er…"

"You… well, supposedly, were in the President's exclusive bathroom adding mint green hair die to her shampoo," answered Tsubaki, the vice-president. "Then when we caught you you yelled 'you'll never catch me, Blue Flash Blueberry!' and jumped through the window."

"… I see…"

With what he knew of her sister, he wondered if she was more angry at the hair die or the magical girl reference…

As they approached the church, they saw the people, a bunch of poor ones, homeless and not. And a few people with more money to spare, but not all of them eating. The food was for free for anyone, but donations were encouraged for those that could pay.

"Hey, you," sounded a voice none of the present knew… save for Enoch, who heard it a few times while he was in Konoha.

It was a blond woman around their age (apparent, in Enoch's case), wearing an apron. Her blond hair was in a ponytail, with a strand in front almost covering an eye.

"Yamanaka-san?" he asked. He was ignored, which kinda answered him.

"What took you so long, did you walk all the way here while with a bike?" she asked, making the student council members blush. "Put them in the back, please," she said, eyeing the boxes. "Let's hope enough remains we don't need many of them."

She then turned to the student council, more specifically their clear leader. "Thank you for coming with him. You know how Naruto is with doing what he is supposed to."

Enoch snorted. Yes, he definitively knew.

"Take this, consider it a thank you," the blonde said, giving Sona a brownie. "I made it myself."

"Thank you," Sona said, before taking a bite… blueberry cheesecake filling…

IIIII

"Really?" Enoch asked, entering the back and meeting the Naruto wearing a chef hat topped with a FSM miniature. "I mean, _really_?"

"Hi Enoch, Did you say hello to Christopher Walken?"

Enoch stopped. Turned around. Then turned back.

"Naruto… why is there a clone transformed into Christopher Walken on the kitchen?"

"I think the better question is… why _wouldn't_ there be?"

Enoch stopped. Closed his eyes. Counted to five in his head.

"I… do not think that is the better question, no."

"The ways of the Lord have no beginning, no end and are a tangled mess in the middle."

"That's even less impressive since I know that isn't the proper Pastafarian quote. Or Lord."

Naruto shrugged. "The people eating won't care."

"Well, _I_ care."

"And that is important in its own way."

Enoch rubbed his eyes.

"Why does no one say hello to me?"

He sighed. "Hello, Christopher Walken."

"Hello!"

He knew it was a Naruto clone, but he seemed so happy he said hello to him…

"The Student Council President caught you playing a prank on her. Now, I know you like playing them—"

"It wasn't me," Naruto said, but mirth was clear in his voice.

Enoch's annoyed look was answered by an equally annoyed one back.

"I find your lack of faith in my pranking abilities insulting."

"I am sorry, Darth Prankster. It won't happen again," he answered in a deadpan voice.

"Make sure it does not."

"But seriously," he continued after rolling his eyes, "You were outright caught, the only reason they don't have it on image is because—"

"Because I ran interference, actually. They were so focused on what was in front of them Saji didn't even notice the clone beside him with the finger on the camera lens."

"So you admit it?"

"I admit I _was there_."

Enoch just looked at Naruto, confused.

"There is always two, a Master and an Apprentice."

"Could you at least not be the _evil_ side?" Enoch groaned.

"I consider myself in the middle between the sides, actually," Naruto admitted. "Sure, one is shown as good and the other as evil, but if you actually read the extra materials you see that they both did good and bad things, but one actually pleads emotionlessness and the other says we must enjoy our emotions to the fullest no matter what. I just see them as extremes."

Enoch blinked.

"I actually did take an apprentice in the prankster ways, though," Naruto admitted. "Or rather, I made a bet about becoming it and you just confirmed I won."

"Screw you, brat!" came a voice from behind them, clearly trying his best to try and be stealthy while entering.

The voice looked like Naruto's but rougher. Not rough enough to feel like it should be bolded in writing, but it was an almost.

It _looked_ like a Naruto. But the birthmarks in his cheeks – and Enoch knew Naruto's were birthmarks, since he had them too – were thicker, and the eyes were red.

"You must be Kurama."

He was ignored. Kurama was too occupied glaring at a smiling Christopher Walken.

It took some time until—

"Fine!" he yelled exasperated, throwing his arms to the air. " _Hello_ Christopher Walken!"

"Hello!"

"Report," Naruto said without even turning.

"What for? The twelve-winged bird already told you I lost!"

"I want to hear in your own words _why_ you lost."

The Kurama-possessed clone growled, but did it. "I thought it would be easy. I've been seeing you do those for years, since you were a toddler practically, so how hard could it be? I overestimated my skills, I underestimated my targets, I did not expect them to arrive then and there and had no plan of escape."

"You had no plans but what would be your objective. You judged the task easy and thus went at it half-heartedly, and thus you lost. If you had taken it seriously, you would probably have won, but that was my whole point, you _never_ took pranking seriously. Did not notice how much information gathering, stealth, enemy positioning recognance and trap-making skills were needed until you saw them in your own flesh."

"Yeah yeah, let's just get this training over with."

Naruto said nothing for a while, until yet another bowl of Ramen was ready to serve. "No."

"No?" Kurama repeated, confused. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"I don't like your attitude. You won't take the training seriously, will suck at it, and we will both just waste our time."

"Will… suck at it?"

Naruto nodded. "You won't take it seriously because you'll see it as just doing your part of the deal. If you'll half-ass it, better not to do it enough."

"What are you implying."

"Slackers 1:51. 'Since you have done a half-ass job, you will receive half an ass.'"

Enoch's eye twitched. Did Naruto really quote from the _Pastafarian_ book as if someone doing so from the Bible?

"I'll show you a half-ass job! Teach me your secrets! I'll be so good a prankster I'll be better than you in no time!"

"…Prove it."

"I will!"

A folder slid on the ground until reaching Kurama's feet. In it was the physical profile, perfect enough for Kurama to henge into easily, and entrance files for Kuoh for one Minamino Shuichi. Even used the same kanji as the one named Kurama in Yuyu Hakusho. In fact, the only visible difference were the red eyes.

"I went through the trouble of arranging an interview for you for tomorrow. If you'll do it, then you'll have to suffer the consequences yourself to be motivated to avoid them."

Kurama nodded, taking the file and turning into the guy in them.

…Then finally the coin dropped.

He turned to Enoch, confusion clear on his face. "Did I just _willingly_ agree to be his prankster apprentice?"

Enoch nodded, and put his hand on Kurama's shoulder. He only said one word, but the feeling of it was undeniable.

"How?"

"I… I don't know," Kurama replied, confused himself. "I blame Christopher Walken."

"Hello!"

IIIII

Sona Sitri, also known as Shitori Sona, invaded the church.

Or rather, she walked angrily inside, followed by her peerage. To invade would mean one of the people inside would acknowledge her—

"Hello!"

"Hello," she said to the Christopher Walken lookalike. As was being said, to invade would mean the people inside would acknowledge her as a threat.

"Are you looking for Naruto-sama?" asked Mittelt Amano, or whatever was her real name out of school, not looking up from her manga. While still respectful of him, there was none of the awe for him in her voice from their first day at school. Like if a younger sibling that respected the older sister but was fully aware of how embarrassing her actions were.

No, she was not projecting.

"Yes, I have… matters to deal with him."

Mittelt just stood up and went to call him deep inside the church.

"By the way, the hair color fits you."

Sona did not reply, save by taking a deep breath to calm down.

She threw away all the haircare products in that bathroom, just in case, and bought brand new ones.

Her hair was turned mint-green anyway. And to make matters worse, pictures of an anime magical girl that seemed suspiciously like a tanned version of her with the new hair color were spread through school.

The footsteps approached confidently, neither fast nor slow. If she didn't know better, she'd think it was really a priest coming.

Asia Argento, the nun, opened the door, something that seemed to annoy a bit the man she had come to see. Raynare Amano, the other Fallen to enter school as a student, was talking to him about the minutiae of his communitary work, a clipboard in her hand. Seeing him actually working like she did at school (and she was pretty sure Rias did _not_ ) almost made her sympathize with him.

Almost.

"Ah, Student Council President!" He said with a happy voice, mirth clear in his eyes. "The Pasta in me salutes the Pasta in you!"

She raised an eyebrow. His boisterous attitude now was completely different from their conversation the previous day.

"Uzumaki-san," she started, as neutraly as she could under the circunstances. "Do you remember the conversation we had yesterday while you were bringing pizza?"

"Nope!"

She faltered. "You… don't remember?"

"Nope. No idea. Between all the work yesterday, I don't remember meeting you after leaving school. Also, nice hair, contrasts with your eyes."

"Yes. The hair you claimed yesterday you were _not_ responsible for."

"Because I wasn't."

"You can claim you did not do it all you want, I _know_ you are responsible and I _will_ find a way to prove it."

Behind her, her whole peerage nodded.

"I won't."

Sona blinked in confusion. "Won't what?"

"Claim I'm not responsible."

"So you admit it _was_ you yesterday."

"Nope."

"But you just said—"

"Sona-san, you are supposed to be the smart one of us two. Think about what I said."

Sona did so.

"You did not do it, but you _are_ responsible?"

"Close, but not what I said."

"You did not do it _yesterday_ , but you _are_ responsible?"

"Ding ding ding, we have a winner!"

Sona's mouth was open. It was one thing for him to lie, or use wordplay. It was another to _explain_ his wordplay.

"And why do you admit this?"

Uzumaki shrugged. "Because it doesn't matter, really. I got what I was going for."

"You had more in mind than to humiliate me?"

He rolled his eyes. "I did not 'humiliate' you, I chose the color that I thought would suit you after all. If I _was_ going to humiliate you I could do much worse. Then the pamphlets make it seem like you are just cosplaying a magical girl. Unless you have something against that, I think everyone else will just think you have some hobbies they didn't know about."

"Er, he is kinda right Kaichou," Saji admitted. "I mean, you look pretty nice, and all the guys agree."

Sona glared at her Pawn, but he did not know. And Uzumaki…

"Trust me, if I _really_ wanted to humiliate you… you'd know."

Uzumaki could be _really_ creepy if he wanted to.

"So this has nothing to do with my sister?"

"You have a sister?" he asked back. His surprise was genuine as far as she could tell.

She shook her head. "Nevermind. Then _why_ did you do it?"

"I never claimed I did it, either."

Her mouth opened, then closed. He just claimed he was _responsible_ , but…

"You never claimed you did not, either," she countered.

He smiled at her. "Yeah, I did not, did I?"

Sona frowned at him. This conversation was going nowhere.

"I see. I appreciate your honesty, Uzumaki-san. And be warned, there _will_ be consequences for your actions."

She turned to leave. She started walking to the exit.

She did not arrive.

"Hey, Sona-san," Naruto finally said.

"Hey, be respectful!"

Saji was ignored.

Sona looked at him, in his eyes.

It felt like the world was losing its light, all of it belonging only to Naruto. As far as she was concerned, the two were alone in a field of darkness, only them existing for a while.

"You are a good person, Sona-san," he finally said. "A bit strict, but I know there is a good person deep inside."

"Uhm, Thank you?"

"I don't know what is your problem with your sister, but I apologize. I will think of a prank unrelated to this one of the future."

Her eye twitched. "I'd rather you did not pull pranks on me at all."

"And I'd rather you became my apprentice as a prankster, but we both know this won't happen for now."

"You make it sound like it could happen in the future."

"The ways of your noodly highness have no beginning, no end and are a tangled mess in the middle. The only way of knowing the future is the very second it becomes the past.

Now, if you don't mind, I think we both have a job to do. R'amen."

And just like that, the world returned to normal.

Understanding the final word as the dismissal it was, she turned to her peerage and they left the church.

"Goodbye," said the Christopher Walken lookalike.

"Goodbye."

IIIII

Rias' eyes widened as Naruto entered the Occult Research Club's clubroom.

She had been so occupied that she forgot to warn Naruto not to go there today.

She still remembered Metatron's threat, and shivered. Right now, Naruto was at the worst place outside the Underworld for an important member of Heaven as far as she knew: right in front of the wife and personal aide to the current Lucifer.

Oh, but that wasn't enough for him.

"Come on, smile!" he kept saying as the others entered the room.

And Grayfia kept looking at him like an insect. Oh sure, for anyone else she seemed impassive, but she knew Grayfia since she was a baby.

She did _not_ appreciate the attention.

And she definitely _did not_ appreciate him losing patience and trying to push the sides of her mouth upwards with his fingers.

Surprisingly, her mouth was held serious with such force he was _sliding back on the floor_!

"Come on! Just a quick smile! A small one!"

"As my job as the Head Maid of the Gremory Clan—"

"All I hear are excuses. You're still human… er devil… not a robot!"

"I do not see how it is relevant."

Rias wanted to be afraid for him. She really did.

But the scene was just too surprisingly entertaining. It was like looking at a trainwreck.

She briefly wondered how long it would take before she turned him into a block of ice. The only reason she didn't yet was probably she had patience training from dealing with her brother, but she still had to wonder how far she could still go—

And she lifted him by the neck and threw him onto one of the sofas around.

That was… needlessly aggressive, but why… oh.

In the middle of the room, dangerously close to where he was previously standing, a magic circle appeared… and caught fire.

If it was someone else there, she would swear it was just a justification though.

The flames rose, making a pillar that covered vision, and the silhouette of a man could be seen through the flames.

Naruto, at a speed she could barely see, put his hands in a weird position and spat.

The very next second, Riser Phenex' face was having an extremely close encounter with a wall, courtesy of a powerful jet of water.

Naruto took a heavy blanket out of nowhere and, without bothering to unfold it, started beating Riser while yelling "Stop drop and roll! Stop drop and roll!"

"Stop! Stop!" yelled Riser.

"Drop and Roll!" Yelled Naruto back.

Behind them, she noticed a slight raising of the corner of Grayfia's lips.

By her side, Akeno was laughing quietly, but it was clear to her she was holding back on guffawing.

The scene was surreal to Rias.

"Uzumaki-san," Grayfia finally said, "you are supposed to smother the flames with the blanket, not beat on them.

With a nod, he opened the blanket and covered Riser. The older blond struggled, but Naruto hugged him, holding him still.

"Shhh, don't worry. You're safe now."

"I don't feel safe!" came Riser's voice from under the blanket. "I feel the opposite of safe!"

Rias couldn't hold back her laughter much longer, so she had to end this quickly. "Uzumaki-san, This is Riser Phenex. He has control over fire, he wasn't burning."

"Oh," Naruto said, letting go of Riser sheepishly. "Sorry man, didn't think it was just you showing off."

Riser, now free to do so, said nothing but threw the blanket away, looking at it with deep loathing.

"I mean it, I know how presentation is important. I used to show off all the time when I was younger and had much more bark than bite."

Riser grit his teeth. Everyone seemed to get the implied insult… but Naruto did not _seem_ like he had tried to insult him, and was just stating a fact of his childhood.

He looks around, until his eyes finally meet her. Ah right, she forgot.

"My lovely Rias. I came to see you."

"Wow, rude much?" Naruto says, while Rises's body heats up just enough to evaporate the water on him.

A frivolous use of his fire magic, but he seems overly proud of it. Rias resists the urge to sigh, already wanting to punch his smug face.

"Now then Rias," he says, overly familiar, "let us go and take a look at the ceremony hall. The date of the ceremony is decided so we need to check it before then."

He went to grab her arm. "Let go of me, Riser," Rias says back with all the disgust she can, promptly pushing his hand away. She wanted to destroy it, but knew she would just grow a new one anyway.

And, as always, Riser just stands there, smirking at her. How she wished to punch that smug smirk out of his face.

"Hey, I don't think she likes you much," Naruto says the obvious.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Riser dismisses it. "She is just being a tsundere."

Rias blinks in confusion. What.

No, she knows what a tsundere is, but… when did she ever hint of a dere side related to him?

"I don't know, man. I _met_ tsunderes, so I can tell how they act. She is nice to _anyone but you_ as far as I could tell."

Yes! Tell him how it is, Naruto!

"No, no, you see, there are two types of tsunderes: the tsun type and the dere type. The ones you are used to are probably the tsun types, who are angry to all but the ones they like. Rias, is a dere type, who is _just_ to the one she likes."

"You are delusional," she says before she can help it.

"See?" Rises points to her. And it seems like he _really_ thinks so!

"No, I swear on my life. You are delusional. Your appearance is something I'd find just as easily in a hosts club, and I have not an iota of attraction to your personality, and in fact it repulses me."

Riser looks at Naruto and rolls his eyes, that annoying smirk still on his face.

"But even if she doesn't," he continues, "we are already engaged anyway."

"Wait, really? And she just accepted that despite acting like she hates you?"

"I definitely did not," Rias entered the conversation. "In fact, I am doing my best to convince everyone involved in this marriage contract to set me free of it."

Naruto turns to Riser. "And you just… are going to take it like that?"

"Of course," Riser says with a chuckle. "Why would I fight it?"

Naruto nods. "Ah right, taking the lazy pity route."

"Excuse me?" Riser says suddenly, clearly offended.

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Well, it is clear that you either are not willing to put work on getting a girl or has no confidence, if you are going for the way to get her that someone else does all the work for you and you just enjoy it."

Riser looks furious at Naruto, and snaps his fingers. Once more the room's teleportation circle is turned into the Phenex one without Rias' permission, and fifteen women appear in the middle of the room.

"You see these women? Save for Ravel, who is my sister and doesn't count, they all joined my peerage because they love me."

"And yet you are only marrying Gremory-san because she is being forced into it… Guess someone lost his groove."

Riser stepped back as if he had been slapped. "I did _not_ lose my groove!"

Rias' eyes widened, looking around in confusion. What was going on?

…and why was someone that looked so much like Christopher Walken in a corner of the room?

The Christopher Walken waves at her, so she awkwardly waved back.

Naruto says nothing, just crosses his arms and gives Riser a _look_.

Riser's eye twitches. "Alright, maybe I've been a bit complacent nowadays since my marriage with her is already a done deal and didn't put any effort in romancing her.

Rias was trying to resist the urge to snort, but that also meant that Riser _would_ probably try to romance her.

She was _not_ looking forward to it.

"You know, you could also go for someone else… Not saying she isn't good-looking, but she isn't all that either."

Now _her_ eye was twitching.

"No can do," Riser shook his head slowly. "you see, not only she is a pureblood devil, which are becoming rare, she also got the Power of Destruction. Can you imagine the power available to someone with both the Power of Destruction and a Phenex' regeneration?"

"So… she is the only pureblood Gremory available with the Power of Destruction?"

"The Power of Destruction comes from my mother's clan, the Baels," Rias interrupted. "That said, I'm pretty certain I have some cousins that are pureblood and also have it."

Naruto nodded, and turned to Riser. "So Riser Phenex, what will you do? Will you throw your pride away and prove your lack of game going through the motions of the contract, or will you do things the worthy way and try to get a wife worthy of you on your own?"

"But what of Rias' feelings for me that she is too shy to admit and masks them with disdain?"

"If she really likes you, for real, she will be able to throw her pride aside and admit it for you before it becomes too late. Trust me, this is the best for the both of you."

Riser Phenex looked to the ground… then back at Naruto's eyes, a fire literally consuming his.

"Grayfia-sama, please inform the Gremorys that from now on the marriage contract is being considered invalid by _both_ parties. If Rias Gremory ever 'change her mind' a new contract will have to be made."

Then Riser, along with his peerage, left the room through a magical circle.

Everyone stood still.

 _Everyone_.

"Really?" _Naruto_ of all people asked. "No, _really_?"

He sighed. "That was a waste of my talents. Let's get going, Christopher Walken. May the Pasta be with you, everybody!"

"Goodbye!"

No one moved as Naruto left the room.

"What… what just happened?" a voice asked. Rias took a few seconds to understand it was her own.

"Apparently, your acquaintance convinced Riser Phenex that there was no worth on marrying you if the only reason was the contract between your families," Grayfia replied, deadpan.  
"…that young man has problems."

"Riser or Naruto, Grayfia-san?" Akeno asked, a bit of her energy returning.

The maid thought for a bit. "Both.

Now, if you excuse me, I have a marriage contract to nullify."

Rias nodded instead of saying anything, and Grayfia left.

All she could think about was Naruto and the stunt he pulled, replaying the whole conversation in her head.

Was this guy for real? Rias had to wonder how much of his performance had been real and how much was an act.

But more important…

What did he mean when he said she wasn't "all that"?

IIIII

 **Not sure if it was as funny as the first chapter (responses show it was funnier than I thought, but again, I was the one writing it), but I had fun writing the ideas.**

 **And yes, Naruto convinces Riser to leave the contract. Every story, crossover or otherwise, seems to either put Naruto in Riser's place or make him train/join Rias. But, as seen later in the novels, Riser is not that much of a bad guy. While an asshole, Naruto convinced worse ones to change their ways. Here he just played on his pride and womanizing ways.**

 **Pure White Lover Bizarre Jelly is an in-universe magical girl anime series in No More Heroes. The character of Blue Flash Blueberry is a student council president in her civilian form, her weapon is a goblet-tipped staff, her mecha is Glaston 2 and her special mecha attack is Blueberry Cheese Brownie.**

 **Christopher Walken is a reference to an Animaniacs joke.**

 **This chapter was changed a lot. Ideas went through Naruto challenging Sona in chess because Rias saying she is good and Sona mistaking it for one of her marriage challenges, leading to her thinking she was now engaged to him, to Naruto actually convincing her to become her apprentice.  
But I did not think either version fit properly. Too much too soon, and mostly filler.**

 **There was also a version where the new school dynamics were explained, like Mittelt having a rival fanclub to Koneko and Raynare and Mittelt claiming they share the same father. That got boring for me to write, so I thought it'd be boring to read too.**

 **The clubroom scene was at first going to be from Kiba's point of view. It got a bit bland for my tastes, though, with Kiba second-guessing everything about Naruto due to his affiliation with Heaven. Tried rewriting from Rias' to see if it got better.**

 **My initial idea was Naruto going with the Riser group back to the Phenex properties, everyone gets worried sick – including Metatron, and then on the day of the rating game it is revealed he and Riser bonded over videogames and he convinced Riser to call off the marriage by… the very same reasons stated here.**


	3. A small slice of a hiden god

***sips some hot cocoa***

 **Unfortunately I have to start with yet another talk about power levels. Why? Because people complain about it to the point it gets annoying. But I think this will be the last one I'll ever mention it here. Unless people bring a good point, they'll be ignored from now on.**

 **Why are so many of you so obsessed in** _ **I**_ **making** _ **Kaguya**_ **powerful? So many other stories make Naruto full-power be weaker than DxD characters and no one complains, but because I made it** _ **Kaguya**_ **…**

 **To make a long story short,**

 **I did not want her to be on the Top 10 in this story.**

 **There, that should be all the justification needed. I already said it before, but I think I was no clear enough.**

 **I want Naruto to be lower than the Top10, at least at the beginning. At the time, I was under the impression their battle was much closer than it was, but that does not change the fact I** **did not want** **Kaguya, who Naruto had already fought and defeated (even if with help) to be strong enough to Top10. It has nothing to do with "wanking off to DxD" or "because she is a woman" as some people said (yes, someone once said the second. I didn't care to remember who), it is just because I decided it would be better for Naruto's growth if he was** _ **not**_ **already able to fight on Top10 level. I** _ **do**_ **plan on adding some action scenes after he is known as God, after all.**

 **Also, as some people pointed out, no, I did not watch the The Last and Boruto movies. And if Toneri was as pathetic as a villain that drives the story as people complaining made it sound, I'm glad.**

 **I can respect your opinions, but stop disrespecting me because I disagree with you, please. I already said this is how it will be in this story. Disrespecting me will** _ **not**_ **change my opinion. You want her or Naruto to be stronger, make your own story. I'll read it if you link me. But stop trying to force me to make this story yours.**

…

…

 **Why is power levels so important for you guys in a HUMOR story anyways? It's not like I botched any action scene yet!**

…

…

 **Anyways.**

 **Someone (the only one to suggest anything involving pairing I think, Clarent) suggested pairing Naruto with either Sona, Raynare or Akeno. While I can see it, I don't think Raynare, or any other pure-blood angel, is a good idea because, as much as he is just his reincarnation, the angels will see him as their father, Fallen or not (and embarrassing or not), but if more people insist… Akeno is more acceptable because, not being created directly by God, she has no such feelings – he isn't even her grandfather, just his reincarnation. Sona… I'll be honest, I'm tempted just because their contrast of personalities would be hilarious.  
Either way, I'll give you a bit of a tease, I think.**

 **This chapter is a bit of a filler (just a bit). For two reasons.  
Because next storyline chapter we reach the meat of the story, the Excalibur Arc.  
And because me removing Riser early gave me a whole chunk of empty time in the timeline.**

IIIII

Naruto stared at the empty table in front of him.

He held this power before. He saved lives and recreated whole organs with it. …Eyes are organs, right?

It was _his_ power, Enoch had said, not the Sun Mark's. The mark only helped him focus it, after all Sasuke wasn't throwing Izanagis with the Moon Mark. So, he should be able to use it again even without the arm that once held the mark.

…and even if it _was_ the mark's power, it was really linked not to his arm, but to his soul. He should still be able to use it to help.

Taking a deep breath, Naruto put his chakra in his newly-invented technique.

IIIII

"What's going on?" asked Mittelt, seeing the strange scene.

Naruto, the one that gave them hope back, was crying on a confused Raynare's shoulder. A cup of noodles was on the table, un-eaten.

That last part, more than anything, terrified the smaller Fallen.

Kalawarner was not so cautious, walking forward. There was only one possible cause of this outburst in her eyes. She only needed to confirm it.

"Naruto-sama… did you try to use holy powers to make your cup ramen ready without having to wait three minutes?"

Raynare and Mittelt twitched. What the…

Naruto's suffering nod confirmed it.

Kalawarner turned the cup upside down, letting the cold water and burned noodles escape.

Raynare quickly and annoyed pushed Naruto off her. He simple allowed himself to fall to the ground.

"The hell?" Mittelt asked.

"Our greatest minds have been looking for a way to _properly_ do it ever since it was invented. Naruto-sama is just the latest one to try and fail."

Kalawarner gently lifted Naruto again, and took Raynare's position.

"I am a monster," came Naruto's weak voice.

"You just made a mistake. And you were not the first one, nor will you be the last."

"Kala-chan…"

Raynare looked to Mittelt. Mittelt looked to Raynare.

Raynare mouthed "what the". Mittelt shrugged.

IIIII

"I get the feeling we just avoided something stupid," Dohnaseek said, looking deeply inside his beer bottle.

"I agree…" Enoch replied.

Then he sighed

"I wish I could walk around here without the helmet. I mean, it is a cool helmet, but it makes my voice sound all bold and centered."

"Uhm… I don't think that's how voices work."

"I _know_! That's how it feels, though, as weird as it sounds!"

Dohnaseek shook his head… then remembered the sensation of Metatron's business voice. A rumble more than a voice, that felt like it was resonating from inside him rather than from the speaker.

"So… what know?" Dohnaseek asked. "I mean, what was Michael's answer about meeting him?"

"That he is occupied right now."

Dohnaseek's eyes widened. "Occupied? With what?"

Metatron shrugged. "Probably trying to see if I am serious with wanting to talk to him. I… wasn't the most stable when Naruto-sama got powerful enough to be sensed this side of the Dimensional Void…"

IIIII

 **Come, my fellow ninjas. Our enemies approach!**

"Metatron, they are just—"

 **Use my callsign, GoldBird!**

With a sigh, Michael continued. "Terror Who Flaps In The Night, I don't think these guys dressed like pirates on _Halloween_ are _real_ pirates. And even if they were, everyone knows pirates and ninjas were not _really_ enemies."

…

"…also, we are not ninjas."

… **Are you on The Gardener's side now, GoldBird?**

"What do you have against gardeners?" asked Gabriel, her face filled with confusion.

Metatron turned to them, madness shining through his helmet.

 **I learned in the flesh to never mess with a flourist.**

IIIII

"Really?" Dohnaseek asked, eyes wide.

"I know, but someone _filmed_ it!" Enoch replied, embarrassed. "I wouldn't be able to tell, the only thing I remember between October 9 and November 10 is that one second I was doing laundry and the next I was next to a Jacuzzi filled with instant ramen."

Dohnaseek's eyes widened. "He got that much more power out of nowhere just like that?"

Enoch nodded. "Yeah, it was like he broke through a limit or something, and I was caught in the backlash. Funny thing is, all of their artificial flavors were mixed masterfully. It still tasted artificial, but it also felt like a chef mixed them or something;"

His companion nodded. That sounded like someone overcharged with Naruto energy would do, and he barely met this new incarnation for a couple weeks. "…wait, don't Pastafarians believe Pirates are priests or something?"

"Or something, not much of a Pastafarian myself—why is it _this_ what you take from that story?"

Dohnaseek shrugged.

"Anyways, that was the last time we met face to face… and I don't trust everyone enough to send the info in a message."

Dohnaseek raised an eyebrow.

"You are saying you may have traitors. Isn't that imposible?"

"It is impossible for me to lie, but I can bend the truth," Enoch replied. "So I'd rather not leave Naruto alone, nor let his real status be known, unless really needed."

Dohnaseek nodded. While it was hard for him to believe an angel would try to erase the reincarnation of their Father, the fact was many who fell were _not_ just for small mistakes like the girls. And if they could avoid Falling to better get their wishes, they would.

IIIII

"Uzumaki-san, Minamino-san, I thank you for your presence," Sona said neutrally.

Kurama rolled his eyes, while Naruto looked at her confused.

"You bribed Mittelt-chan and Koneko-chan with ice-cream if they brought us. While I can understand Kurama, why not just call me?"

"I'm only here because I chose to be! Their kicked puppy eyes did nothing to me! **Nothing**!"

Sona ignored his outburst, only putting a piece of paper in front of them.

Naruto's eyes widened, and his mouth became a nostalgic smile.

"Oh, I remember this. Man, hard to believe it has been almost ten years since I made this… wait," he looked at Sona in surprise, " _how_ do you have this? …why is your eye twitching?"

"We found this in the Teacher's Lounge," Sona replied. "Where it was used. We also found strands of red hair stuck to the fan that were of an auburn color most associated with Minamino-san."

Naruto blinked.

Sona blinked back.

The next second, Naruto was holding the ear of a cursing Kurama.

"Are you telling me my apprentice here, instead of doing what he was supposed to, _stole_ a plan I made when I was seven and a half and _failed_ where I succeeded?"

Sona blinked.

"Oww… I had a creative block!"

"You made this plan when you were not even eight, Uzumaki-san? I must admit… it is impressive." Sona said. She was against pranks at principle, but couldn't deny it was a well-made planning, especially for that age.

"Thank you. Unfortunately it seem I was a bit too early to take apprentices. It is clear that it was Konohamaru that was a great apprentice, and my teaching skills are not as good as I expected."

"That hurts man," Kurama complained, still trying to free his ear. "Right here."

"I wonder what would happen if you applied this same focus on other school subjects."

"Nothing much, I think," Naruto shrugged. "While there are freaks that can do both like I read about DaVinci, you can't expect most artists to be good at physics calculations."

"Do you consider 'pranking' an art, Uzumaki-san?" Sona asked, curious.

"An art, training in various fields both physical and mental, entertainment. Pranking is a field with a wide range of skills demanded, and also a wide range of benefits when properly applied. And… I still believe _you_ have potential in this field."

Her eyebrow rose. "Really, Uzumaki-san? You are trying to coerce me into joining you under _these_ circunstances?"

"I admit it is not ideal. Kurama is my apprentice more due to his pride than actual love for the Art. But you… I can see the desire for it under your strictness. A wish to sow Chaos where you usually place Order. A work in contrasts that may make you shine beautifully."

Sona blushed. True, none of his words were romantic in nature, but the way he said it felt like velvet wrapping around her heart.

"Are you not affiliated with the church, Uzumaki-san? What would they say if they heard you talking like this?"

"Oh? Feeling tempted, Shitori-san?"

"I-I have no idea what you are talking about," she replied, adjusting her glasses.

"Get a room, you two," Kurama said.

He was ignored.

By Sona.

"We _are_ in a room, Kurama," Naruto said, pointing to the closed door guarded by Tsubaki.

He then turned to Sona, his gaze disappointed but understanding.

"The offer is still open, Shitori-san."

With that said, Naruto left the room, pulling Kurama by his ear.

Sona threw herself backwards, allowing herself to relax on her chair.

"…Kaichou, Uzumaki-san left wih Minamino-san, the plans and no punishment."

She promptly facepalmed.

Then looked forwards, eyes glinting under her glasses.

"You win _this_ match, Uzumai-san. But I will not give up so easily."

IIIII

"Hello, Naruto-kun, Minamino-san," said Rias, approaching the duo.

"Gremory," Kurama said as an answer. He ignored the glares, his lack of honorific being seen as a slight by most. It wasn't like he cared even to address the teachers properly, and they should count themselves lucky he even addressed people by name.

"Hey Naruto-kun, I brought too much lunch today… would you like to share it with me?"

"Oh, I already ate! But why don't you share it with Sona-chan? She seemed like she haven't been eating right when I left."

"I see, Sona-chan, uh?" Rias laughed, but even Kurama shivered a bit at that laugh. "Is she the kind of girl you like?"

Naruto missed the obvious question. Of course.

"I like to have friends of all kinds!"

"Wow, she is _really_ laying it thick with him. And he won't even notice!" Raynare complained to Issei and Asia.

"Why are you talking to me?" Issei asked, confused. He would be irritated, but he… just couldn't now that she really seemed to be trying.

Call him a sucker for a cute face. It is the truth after all.

"You're the only guy I knew before coming here besides him. And as much as I enjoy it, the others' enjoyment of being treated like the trash they are gets old."

Trying really loosely, had most of the males wrapped around her fingers, but trying.

Mittelt was the same, but being spoiled by the older students instead of asked to step on them by the males. If he didn't know they _really_ are sisters, that would prove it.

"She just can't take the hint he is not interested, actually," the history teacher, also known as Miss Kalawarner, joined their conversation. "He knows she is only trying to heal her wounded ego. He is more observant than most give him credit for."

"Not that it is a hight bar," Raynare snarked.

IIIII

"So, this is the one that broke the arranged marriage between the Phenex and Gremory with nothing more than words?" the woman asked, observing a picture taken of Uzumaki Naruto.

"Yes Mistress," replied her male companion, subservience clear in his voice.

"Hmm, unfortunately I do not believe he would agree to join us, don't you think?"

"I agree, Mistress. He did not strike me as someone who would join us during our meeting."

"A shame. I'd still like to meet him, though. I'd like to properly… thank him for the opportunity. Make sure he comes to our meeting."

"As you wish, my Mistress."

"And stop the jealous stares at the picture, Riser. Do not worry, your position is not at risk."

"As you wish, my Mistress. I am sorry."

IIIII

"Yup, you were right. Sorry, but I'm not into this."

Lesrith Bael, Riser Phenex' new betrothed, pouted. It would have been cute and make him rethink his words… but that would be the opposite of what she wanted, since she, and Riser, were wearing the closest to socially acceptable fetish gear in order to try and tempt him into becoming her second submissive.

"I'm really sorry. I just already have enough of obeying women _outside_ the bedroom," he explained.

Lesrith sighed, but nodded in acceptance. "I understand. Riser was the opposite, all the other women in his life but his mom just obeying him. Even Yubeluna, as much as she seems otherwise. I think that's what attracted him to my cousin."

Naruto nodded in understanding. "Well, I'm glad the both of you were able to find each other and are both happy."

"Yes. I admit he seemed a little too arrogant at first, but he is a much better person now that I was able to remove that figurative stick from his rear…"

Naruto nodded.

"…and put a real one in its place."

Too much info.

IIIII

If she was honest with herself, she was enjoying this a bit too much.

But Sona couldn't help it. Naruto was the only heterosexual male in the whole school to _not_ worship the ground Rias walked on, even her Pawn who claimed to like her instead did it a little… and that was making Rias go crazy.

In fact… "Rias, with all your complaining when he is out of earshot while hitting on him mercilessly when you see him, I think Riser _may_ have had a point about you being a bit of a tsundere."

"That's not funny, Sona!" Rias almost yelled.

"For you."

Rias pouted.

"But seriously, Rias, what _would_ you do if he ever accepted your hints and went for it? It's not like you'd really go for—"

Rias put a picture in front of Sona.

"Oh my, you could grind cheese on those abs… wait, how did you get this?"

"Oh look at the time, today is P.E. isn't it, can't leave Dohnaseek-sensei waiting, you know how serious he is about his job… and making the boys sweat… like Naruto-kun…"

"Rias, if you want to avoid the conversation and run away with an excuse, you should keep moving, not freeze mid-run to start drooling."

Rias quickly cleaned her mouth and did so.

Sona sighed.

"Seriously, no wonder you got along with Hyoudou, you can be as bad as him."

She then noticed the picture she forgot… and promptly hid it in her bag.

"Not like I can blame you."

IIIII

"Naruto, I'm not letting you make an obstacle course ever again." Dohnaseek said, deadpan.

"It's not that bad…"

"Naruto, it is my job to keep them healthy."

"They are only bruised."

" _You used explosives!_ "

"They were calculated to not even hit them! It's just pyronca… pyren…"

"Pyrotechnics, I know. But in 'keep them healthy' includes 'not traumatizing them'!"

Naruto pouted.

IIIII

Michael frowned once more.

The Godly System had been behaving oddly for a couple weeks already, but… not better or worse, just _wrong_.

He was pretty sure there was _not_ supposed to exist a Sacred Gear called Pearl Jam that could heal people when used on Italian cuisine. Or ramen.

And why did Gabriel start talking about crazy diamonds when he mentioned it?

IIIII

Naruto stared in her eyes.

"I'm not sorry."

The girl's eyes twitched.

"You asked for a pizza with pineapple."

"I never had it before! I didn't even know it is possible!"

"It is not. It is an abomination against natue."

"You're exaggerating. It's not that bad."

Mittelt sighed. "I am a food connoisseur, Naruto. While other Fallen were enjoying in the pleasures of the flesh or feeding themselves on pure lust for battle, I was infiltrating the best restaurants and drinking the best wines. _You_ are amazed that someone made tomato ramen flavoring."

"Of course! I never saw an actual tomato-flavored ramen before!"

Mittelt sighed again. "Why aren't you helping me?"

Koneko shrugged. "I like Hawaiian."

"Of course you would… it doesn't matter the abomination, it would be alright with you as long as it is sweet."

Koneko shrugged. It was true. Her dream man meeting a giant marshmallow man. And _**eating**_ **it!**

She was promptly hit in the head.

Her eyes narrowed. Naruto's narrowed back. She had no idea how he knew what she was thinking, but he wouldn't stop her. She _would_ become the Goddess of the Sweet Worl—

She paused. Rethought that properly. Nodded to herself.

"Too much anime in a day," she concluded.

Somewhere else, Rias' eyes narrowed, as if a blasphemy was uttered but she was too far out of earshot to correct them.

IIIII

Akeno served her current visitor some tea, confused.

"Ara, Naruto-kun, not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing in the Occult Research Club at this time of the day?"

She was sure that Rias was looking for him in the exact opposite side of the school.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you guys for a favor…"

"Rias-sama's measurements are 99-58-90," she replied with a smirk. It probably wouldn't be what he wanted, but knowing how much boys liked to have these numbers…

"Uhm, ok? I'm not thinking of buying her clothes, though?" Or transform into her, but not like they knew he could do that.

Akeno blinked at that. Well, that was a quick dismissal of something most males would be begging for. Not that she had any idea why the numbers were important herself. She was more proud of how she looked with her measurements than their values.

Well, no matter. She sat down in front of him, crossing her legs and throwing her hair over her shoulder, something that seemed to drive the boys crazy… but not Naruto, who didn't seem to notice. Uh.

Rias was getting frustrated with her inability to approach the buy in front of her, judging from her complaints. Well, Akeno now had him right where Rias wanted. Now, how to better tease him…

"So," she said, one arm under her breasts pushing them upwards while the other hand played with her hair, "what exactly is it that you were wishing for? I must warn you that some things would need Buchou's permission… but if it is something _I_ could help you with…"

"Well yeah, I was actually hoping to ask you."

Oh? Akeno couldn't resist licking her lips. She _had_ seen that picture, and while she wouldn't do anything with the guy she couldn't help imagining him begging her to serve her…

"Well, I may be wrong, but you seemed like a magic specialist judging from how you seemed to stay away from the fight in the church, while the others save for your leader seemed to be close quarters. I… was kinda hoping for some help learning it. I tried some of the light-based magic the guys with me in the church knew, but it was mostly instinct for them."

Oh, it was that. Not what she hoped, but… "Oh? You must have been observing me very well."

Naruto nodded. "Don't tell Rias, but… my instincts tell me you are more trouble to me than her."

Akeno licked her lips again. It may not be what she wished it was, but it was still a very nice compliment in her opinion. "Oh? Would you say I am more… dangerous?"

"No doubt about it. Rias is more powerful, but your eyes are definitely more… predatorial."

She giggled. "Well, I don't like bragging, but everyone says I am pretty good. But… you'll need some more magical knowledge before I could try giving you more… private lessons."

He shrugged. "Makes sense."

She giggled again. Wondering how much of his innocence was an act, and how much she'd need to… teach him.

She shook her head while standing up. Moving as sensually as she could, and she considered herself great in that, she moved to a bookcase at a wall to the room, and put her index finger on her mouth as if pensive, looking around it.

"Ah, these books should do it," she said, gathering about four medium-sized books. "We don't have any advanced books I'd be allowed to lend you, but these are the best for beginners."

As she came back to the table with them, though, the first bell to go back to classes sounded through the school, even there.

"Oh, too bad… You can take them with you though, as long as you promise to bring them back soon."

"Uhm, I was gonna ask if I could use this room to read them during class?"

Akeno frowned. "Naruto-kun, while I know you are not a fan of the classes, I can't approve you staying here and skipping them."

As she expected, Naruto sighed at that. But then…

"But if I wasn't skipping class, I could?"

"But you _would_ be?"

He crossed his hands.

And exploded in smoke. And, as the smoke dissipated…

'Oh right, I remember something like this in the church…'

Four more Narutos appeared from the smoke.

"Then there is no problem if _they_ stay here, right?"

…

"Right?"

…

"Himejima-san?"

"Hehehe…"

"Uhm, ok…"

He gently pushed the stunned devil back to the main building, ignoring the Jiraiya-like smile and droll.

IIIII

"Your next worlds are going to be 'For the love of Father Gabriel, stop imitating this Jojo thing!'"

"For the love of… ugh… Why?"

IIIII

"Hey Kurama?"

"Uhm?" the fox-in-a-human-body asked, eating a meat stick and actually reading Yuyu Hakusho while Naruto worked (his favorite, surprisingly, was _not_ his namesake, but Hiei), "do you feel like there is something missing?"

Kurama looked at the brooth he was working on. "No, it looks just like the recipe the Ichiraku girl taught you."

"Not that… oh, why bother. I'll think about it later."

"I'm surprised," Raynare pointed out. "If something was bugging me like that, I wouldn't be able to concentrate in anything else."

Naruto shrugged. No point in worrying about it.

After all, everything seemed to be going fine. So he'd rather enjoy it while he could.

R'amen.

IIIII

 **So, this chapter was (mostly) just filler. I wasn't even able to add too many jokes. I just felt that this small slice of life chapter was needed before we go for the next arc… The Excalibur and Kokabiel one.**

 **So, sorry if I wasn't able to make it as entertaining as you guys deserved.**


	4. Troublesome swords

**Sorry for taking so long for this update. I'm studying for my Mastery, and I was kinda focused on my homework (say what you want, "assignment" may be the proper term but I'll still call it homework).**

 **Someone mentioned that this story was focusing too much on the humor and not much on the story and were getting worried this would become a crack story… and here I was worried that people would complain when I focused too much on the story from this chapter onward and started thinking of jokes for as much as I could. Guess I was worrying for nothing.**

 **Next topic! Pairings!**

 **Uh. It seems that, since I mentioned that one person already suggested pairings, more people came with more suggestions.**

 **I'd like to make one thing clear… I'm not choosing the pairing for the votes, but by what you guys make seem more interesting. If you make it attractive, Naruto may even be single forever in the story.**

 **As already mentioned, angels and pureblood fallen angels are at a disadvantage here. So if more people want Raynare and, as one suggested, Gabriel, you'll need more justifications for your choices. While it would be simple to claim he is the reincarnation and not their Father, the closer Naruto gets to full power the more they will** _ **feel**_ **he has the same soul as their Father, even if it isn't the same person, so they'll have to deal with that.**

 **There are now also votes for Koneko, Ophis, Rias, Serafall, Xenovia and Kuroka, and a surprise vote for Seekvaira.  
But the most common are Akeno and Sona… which is apparently also the main person people vote **_**against**_ **because she would be boring. Which gives me half a mind to make her the pairing to prove otherwise, and another to make her Naruto's apprentice and then see if you change your minds.**

 **Also, one vote for not-harem. And I mean explicitly vote saying not-harem, I'm not sure if some reviews were voting for harem or just thought "it's dxd, of course it is a harem". So I didn't count them.**

 **But I'd like to make one thing clear… this is not a pairing-focused story. While I think I can try and make any reasonable pairing/harem work, they won't be the focus, and in truth could really be ignored.**

 **And now, everyone's favorite topic, Power Levels!**

 **Because I read a couple of reviews that… actually had to be addressed. I've talked with Onmyoudou (unfortunately Power Puncher is a guest, but also brought up good points, PM me when you can so we can talk!) and came to the conclusion… the DxD in my head is a much better world than the DxD in the books. I had a similar experience with the Miguel encounter in Chrono Cross, the encounter in my head was** _ **much**_ **better than the actual one in the game.  
Of course, that won't mean I'll retcon the story to add Kaguya to the Top10 or anything, retcons are the way to madness and now thanks to Onmyoudou I believe so is thinking too deeply about DxD's Top10.  
But I have an idea, taking in mind Kaguya's story and the fact the tailed beasts are free… Let's see what you guys think.  
Probably not many will be satisfied with this, but I'll just have to burn that bridge when I get to it.**

 **(Apparently the Top10, according to the author, at this point in the story are Ophis, Shiva, Vishnu, Brahma, Sakra, Thor, Typhon, Fenrir, Hades, Aten and Lugh. Which are eleven. That's just the beginning of the headache it can become)**

 **Well, time for the chapter! And this is it guys and gals, the arc where Naruto really hits DxD!  
Warning, as expected, this arc may be a bit less humorous in parts.**

IIIII

 _Where are you?_ Came the message on Enoch's phone.

 _The same place as last time_ , he replied. _Kuoh's abandoned church. Waiting for you to have enough time to come._

It took some time for a message to come back.

 _Does that mean you are feeling better?_

 _I am stable, yes._

 _Good. Your attitude was worrisome._

Enoch couldn't help but scoof at that. _I have no idea what happened. The only reason I know I was not in a month-long coma is because I saw some videos._

The reply, once again, took some time to come.

 _Does that mean Gabriel won't remember how she is acting either? Her attitude seems much less unpredictable than yours, but it is still worrying._

…oh.

 _I do not think she will forget. I was literally drowned in the cause. She is most likely only a bit sensitive to its influence._

 _Yes, she has always been a sensitive one. Her remembering is good. I must admit her current behavior is a bit annoying, but the new ways to use holy energy seems pretty useful._

 _That's good to hear, I think. So… when will you get time to get here?_

 _Funny you mention someone going to Kuoh…_

Enoch read the following messages with his full attention.

That… wasn't good.

IIIII

"Hey, Uzumaki-san?"

Naruto stopped. He was taking a walk after the daily feeding, because just cooking and studying was boring.

On the side of the road was a disheveled Yuuto, holding a sword.

"Hey dude, are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm ok," he replied. "I'm just… dealing with something."

"Oh, ok. If you need help with anything, just ask."

"Well… I'm kinda trying to find a holy sword… have you ever heard of… Excalibur?"

"A bit," Naruto admitted. "It was given to King Arthur when his first sword broke by the Lady of the Lake. When he was dying, he had to order his knight three times before he was obeyed and the sword was given back to the lake, where her hand was seen taking it back. It is supposedly a great blade, but the most important part is the sheath, which could heal most wounds."

"That's… nice…" Kiba said. His mind was reeling. If the Excalibur was returned to the lake, then what was the Holy Sword he wanted to destroy?

"…hey, wait, are you fishing for the sword?"

"W-what? No! You can't fish for swords! They aren't alive to bite the bait!"

"…you have no idea, Kiba. You… have no idea."

The expression on Naruto's face… Kiba couldn't help but shiver.

"Ok!" Naruto then said, pumping his fist. "If we can't fish the sword, then we fish the Lady of the Lake!"

"Uhm… uh?"

"Now, what do we use as bait… What would she… like… say Kiba, you are popular with women, aren't you…"

"No. No no no. Don't even think about—"

IIIII

Metatron was looking for Naruto. He… knew Naruto was a ninja, but he thought he was justified in not trusting Naruto's abilities to keep quiet. If he met the exorciststs without him there to do damage control… Naruto was strong, but he was also too important to risk it.

…

He shouldn't have worried.

In front of him, was Naruto. Doing something he never expected Naruto would do: fishing with a pole.

Seriously, he expected him to jump into the lake and chase the fish with a knife. Was he being weird to think so?

…wait, is that a _person_ tied under the water as bait?

Not even Metatron himself knew what happened between when he noticed that and when he was pulling the fishing pole upwards.

 **What are you doing?**

"Eh, Excalibur hunting," Naruto answered.

"Help me!"

Metatron froze. Ok, calm down. From Naruto's tone, _he_ had no idea what was going on… and Yuuto clearly did not want to fill him in.

Or was able to.

But still, he _had_ to ask. He just… _had_.

 **Why?**

"…I'm not sure. I just have the feeling… the sword _wants_ me to find it?"

Metatron nodded. The original Excalibur was more than just the famous sword of King Arthur, it was a great artifact of the Fae. And if Naruto was able to wield _the real deal_ , that'd mean the Fae would see him as worthy of an alliance.

And more important, he was in a lake out of the way. Of exorcists, of holy sword thieves and of… anyone really.

 **Very well, carry on.**

"You son of a ***splash*** "

IIIII

"If you had given me time to explain," said a completely damp Kiba, "I'd have told you that one, I'm not looking for _that_ Excalibur, and two, even if I was, the lake it would be in would be in England, _far_ away from here!"

"Well, next time explain yourself better," Naruto shrugged. "In battle taking so long could be the difference between life and death. As a swordsman, you should know that."

Kiba _wanted_ to complain, but as much as he wanted Naruto had a point.

"There are seven swords known as the Excaliburs, each supposedly being forged from a piece of the original one. They are known as the most powerful holy swords existing, each with a different power and being held either in a safe place or by the best exorcists around… and I battled earlier today someone wielding one of them that had just killed a member of the church."

Naruto's eyes widened.

"So I'm trying to find the person I fought earlier."

"I see…"

"But I think he must have gone back to hiding already, though," Kiba sighed.

Naruto's eyes narrowed, turning to Kiba. A seriousness was in them that he never saw before.

"What can you tell me about the person and the sword he was using?"

"His name is Freed Sellzen," Kiba replied. "He was in the church when you saved Asia, I think you even hit him to the wall, but he ran away while you were distracted by our arrival. He is a stray exorcist, once considered a genius but kicked out because he was more interested in killing than in anything else. The sword is Excalibur Rapidly, which makes the user faster. From what he said, as fast as he needs to be to match who he is fighting."

"Description?"

"White hair, red eyes, crazy smile, always cursing, wearing a priest's garb open. Around our size, physically fit."

Naruto nodded. "I'll send some people to look around for him. You go get some rest, being bait is tiring work."

Kiba _wanted_ to protest, but Naruto had a point. So he just nodded and walked back to his current home.

Naruto himself sent a few Shadow Clones to look for this Freed guy and went back to the church.

Where… he found a battle going on. …kinda.

Raynare was floating out of reach of a blue-haired girl that was trying to jump and hit her with a big sword, while Mittelt and Kalawarner were dancing in the sky while a brown-haired girl, so light it was almost orange (awesome), with twin tails, tried to hit them with a metal whip.

"Come down here and fight us like a man!" the blue-haired one yelled angrily.

Dohnaseek just flipped to the next page in his book.

"Hey!" he yelled, "what do you all think you are doing?"

Raynare froze, her tongue still out of her mouth.

"I'm reading," Dohnaseek said.

Naruto _looked_ at him.

"I am!"

"And _what_ are you reading?"

Dohnaseek looks at the title of his book. "Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet."

"Is it good?"

"I'm liking it," he shrugged. "It makes no distinction between Fallen and Demons, but also seems to go out of the way to make clear that Fallen Angels are still Angels in a way. It is… an interesting point of view."

Naruto nodded, and turned to the others. "And you five?"

Mittelt shrugged. "We've just been wasting time until you got here. They attacked us first, but we thought you wouldn't like much if we killed them just for that."

"Keep talking, Fallen," said the blue-haired one. "If we were not debilitated from hunger we would already have ended your cursed existences!"

Naruto looked at the brown-haired one.

"Uhm, we heard of the generosity of the current person taking care of the church, and were hoping for some help spending the night… We have some small money, but we have no idea how long we'll have to stay.  
Then, when we arrived here, we met them and Xenovia…"

Naruto nodded.

Then the next second he was in front of the Xenovia girl, flicking her forehead. "Stop that."

Xenovia's eyes widened. "How dare y—"

 ***flick***

"Are you calmed down now?"

"I'm the opposite of 'calmed down'!"

 ***flick***

"Stop that!"

"Are you calmed down now?"

She took a deep breath before speaking through gritted teeth. "Yes."

"Good. Now, these four Fallen Angels are living here for a bit. They have caused no trouble, and as far as I can tell have no plans of causing trouble. _You two_ on the other hand…"

"But this is the house of the Lord!" Xenovia yelled.

"Which is open for all of His children, led astray or otherwise," Naruto replied… not exactly sure where the words were coming from.

He shrugged. It was the truth.

"My point is, if you want to stay here you will have to _behave_ and try to get along. Our doors are open to all those willing to do so, but if you are not I'll just give you some money for a hotel and send you on your way."

Xenovia glared at him, clearly wanting to take neither.

"We will behave," said the brown-haired girl.

"Irina?"

"He has a point. The doors of the church are supposed to be open for all those in need. If they are willing to behave, we should be able to do the same."

Xenovia looked at her, but sighed and put the sword down.

That was enough for Naruto. "The daily ramen distribution is over, but we may have some leftover pizza. If even that is over, there is always some instant ramen."

IIIII

Naruto arrived with the fresh bread just in time to stop yet another argument.

Seriously, that Xenovia girl would be either really good or _really annoying_ playing a tabletop rpg with that obsession with the rules.

"What is Xenovia complaining about now, Irina?" he asked the one exorcist that didn't get on his nerves.

Yet.

"Xenovia-chan found out that Argento-san is also staying her, Naruto-san," the girl replied in Japanese. "She claimed that an excommunication is exactly the kind of people the rules of Sanctuary don't apply to. Raynare-san claimed that a still-pure angel reviewed her case and is moving to have her reinstated, but Xenovia-chan… well…"

"I see."

He moved to Xenovia, and the girl tensed at his approach.

"I know what you are going to say," she started, "but she healed a Devil. _That_ is why she was punished by the church to no longer be affiliated with it!"

"Oh, oh, I got the perfect counter for that!" Naruto said excited, looking through his… phone?

What followed was a religious combat of quotes. Naruto mentioned Jesus's Good Samaritan, Xenovia countered with Corinthians 10:22, Naruto countered that as it was talking about making rituals praising others instead of God, and mentioned that Jesus did leave demons alone when he met Legion, only freeing the guy from them.

Details shall be skipped because they are not interesting. Xenovia was unhappy but not remembering anything she could use as an argument, not with an actual, not-Fallen angel said to be backing her stay, had to hold back and bite on her piece of bread.

Naruto used butter on his. He found pure bread a bit dry. He also had a nice glass of milk.

IIIII

As the whole group left for class, only the exorcists remained in the church.

Xenovia was angrily flipping through a Bible preparing for her next argument with Naruto, while Irina was googling the quotes mentioned.

On one hand, she could have taught Xenovia to do this, she was sure that's what Naruto did after all. On the other hand, his arguments made sense and… she really wanted to be able to still be friends with Issei.

So, everything was relatively quiet.

For a while.

 **Seriously, where could they be…  
Hey everyone, is anyone still here?**

The two exorcists froze. That voice… they didn't know where it came from, because it _rumbled from inside them_. It felt like the power of their swords, but echoing on their souls.

 **Hey guys! It's Metatron! I heard someone gasp, did Naruto convince one of you to prank me again?**

Irina looked at Xenovia, and could only imagine her eyes were as wide as her companion's. "Metatron?" she mouthed. Xenovia's mouth only opened and closed like a fish's.

 **Ah here you… are…**

Metatron wasn't what they expected. He was wearing jeans and sneakers, and a t-shirt that just said "in God we trust". If not for the white wings, and the silver helmet Irina could swear she saw in an album cover, they would think he was just a normal guy.

 **Oh, you guys are already here…**

The two couldn't help but stare as _Metatron_ , for they doubted any other angel would claim to be him, wearing completely normal clothes, rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.

 **I was kinda hoping to meet you guys before you met anyone here…  
I mean, it's kinda hard to explain about Asia, and the other three… Plus Naruto is yet another can of worms…**

"Ano…" Irina tried asking, but was having considerable trouble.

"Lord Metatron," Xenovia said, standing up. "Are you the angel that we were told vouched for the excommunicated Holy Maiden and is trying to overthrow said excommunication?"

 **I wouldn't put it in those words…**

The exorcists approached him, paying close attention to all of his words. Which in so long without having experienced it made him feel a bit uncomfortable.

He kinda wished he could afford to be like Alan Rickman in Dogma and get drunk, but he didn't have the documentation and didn't look old enough.

Well, Alan Rickman as him couldn't drink either, but he could _taste_ the alcohol…

 **I kinda said that her being kicked out was a mistake. And said that I would do my best to fix it.**

"But Lord Metatron, surely if God wished he would have protected her from this?"

Metatron shook his head.

 **And how would he do that? By changing the minds of those that did it?  
No, our Lord is… eccentric, but there are some things he values beyond all. Loyalty. Purity of soul. Ramen. But also Free Will. It was his gift for humanity, after all.**

Xenovia nodded. Then stopped. "Wait, what was the one between purity of soul and free will?"

Oh, she caught that.

… **The Lord is a fan of Pastafarianism, and took Ramen as his personal food.**

"But to classify that as—"

 **I do not question the ways of the Lord, Xenovia Quarta. Understanding them is not for us.  
Sometimes I wished I did, but I learned through experience that no mortal or angelic mind is capable of doing so properly.**

"I see. I am sorry Lord Metatron. I did not wish to presume to be able to do so."

 **So much orange…**

She took note of the whisper (or as close to one that voice could make), but wisely decided not to comment on it. Resisting the urge to glare at the hair color of her companion, who suddenly was sitting a bit straighter.

 **Be that as it may. I am pleasantly surprised that Naruto was able to keep things peaceful for now.  
Please try your best to get along with him. I am aware he can be… difficult, but his heart is in the right place.**

"As you wish, Lord Metatron," the two exorcists replied with a bow.

Metatron nodded, and went to the kitchen.

"Xenovia, we just met Metatron, the Voice of God!" Irina whispered excited.

"Yes, it is amazing," the blue-haired girl replied. "And if there was any doubt about Asia Argento and Uzumaki Naruto's actions and beliefs, I guess they have been sated."

"You don't have to sound so bitter about it," Irina pouted.

"I am not bitter. I just—"

 **Yes! There is still some pizza! No instant ramen for Metatron this breakfast!**

"We have bread!" Irina yelled in the direction of the kitchen. "And fruits!"

 **But bread everyday gets boring!**

"No buts! Get a proper breakfast!"

There was no verbal reply, but the refrigerator was closed with _a bit_ more force than it was needed and heavy steps were approaching the two.

Xenovia's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Did you just 'mom' Metatron?"

Irina just shrugged.

IIIII

"Hey Rias-chan! Wait up a bit!"

Rias stopped, confused. Usually everyone (not a devil) in the school was a bit distant from her, in a "look but don't touch" way. To be honest while she appreciated not being flooded with admirers it made it a bit lonely to only have friends she made out of school.

Even Naruto seemed to avoid her, no matter how much she tried to make him do the exact opposite. And everyone in the school seemed to have noticed but him.

Which is why it was so surprising to her and everyone watching he was the one calling her this time.

"Hello, Naruto-kun. It is surprising to have you approach me."

"Yeah, well, it is about your devil-summoning club."

Rias sighed. "That is a common misconception. Not all of the occult we research involves devils," she said, the practiced line coming a bit monotone.

"Yeah, I don't care. As long as the perv that joined you doesn't summon a succubus that goes in a killing spree," he shrugged.

Everyone else, even Rias, felt a shiver down their spine. That _would_ be something he would do a few weeks ago.

"Nah, a few friends of my part-time job want to talk to you about something I was talking to Kiba about yesterday. Do you mind if they visit your club after classes?"

Rias got a bit confused, but… "Sure," she said. After all, it couldn't be anything bad.

IIIII

"So, Kiba-kun met with a stray exorcist wielding a stolen Excalibur? _Freed Sellzen_ of all people? And no one told me?"

Naruto lifted his hands, as if saying it was not his fault.

"And you!" Rias said, turning to him as the exactly opposite of what he wanted. "Couldn't you have told me the people who wanted to meet me were _exorcists_?"

"I _said_ they were friends of my part-time job, which in case you forgot is helping people in the church, who wanted to talk to you about your _devil_ -summoning club. I'm _sorry_ that a you needed more obvious hints to figure things out. Not like I could have told you before then, I don't have your phone number and no idea where you live."

"Oh," was all Rias could say, with an embarrassed blush. "I'll write it out right away."

"Don't forget to write Sona-chan's too, please."

Rias' pen broke in her hand.

"I don't think Sona would appreciate me giving someone her number without permission."

"Though," was Naruto's reply. A serious one, unlike his casual attitude until then. "You and her are the responsible for this town. That means you two need to be approachable for any supernatural matters. The reason I approach you more is because, as a school club and not an authority figure, it is more acceptable to do so without an official enough reason and thus draws less attention."

"…I am considered one of the most popular women in school besides Akeno, who is also here. I wouldn't say it draws less attention."

Naruto waived it off. "Everyone knows I don't care about that."

Rias knew about that. And wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing for her.

"So, those numbers? Oh, and could someone _call_ _Sona-chan here_? It does involve her too."

Rias sighed, but wrote down both numbers, while Akeno used a small magic circle to call Sona.

"And will you give me your own number then, Naruto-kun?" Rias asked while giving him hers, in a tone most people would consider flirty.

As far as Naruto could tell, this was how she always behaved when not angry at something though, so he decided long ago not to read anything more into it.

Poor Rias.

With a shrug, he told her the number of the phone Metatron got him.

And moved back to where the exorcists were playing cards with Asia, Raynare and Mittelt, ignoring Kiba's glare.

"So, I think that's it that _I_ had to say for now," Naruto shrugged, while sitting down on the same sofa as Kalawarner and Dohnaseek. "Your turn."

"Thank you," Irina said quickly, standing up. Coincidentally or not, she was the one with more cards on her hand. Considering the game was Go Fish…

"Recently, out of the six Excalibur fragments in possession of the churches three of them were stolen. The thieves were... brutal. And, for some reason, not careful.  
We were able to figure out that they were Fallen Angels that worked for Kokabiel, or exorcists helping them, and that their plan involved bringing the blades to Kuoh."

"Which is why we were sent here to recover them," Xenovia entered the conversation. "And we are here to ask you devils not to get involved… and I guess we are now obligated to ask the fallen the same too."

"What?" Issei jumped to complain.

"Is it because you think we may be involved?" Rias asked, serious.

Xenovia nodded. "It would be very useful for the Devils if one of the most powerful weapons against them was destroyed in the ensuing battle. And since it is visible that, if not allied, the Fallen are at least in a cordial relationship with you…"

"Well, that's stupid," Naruto said from his position on the couch.

"Excuse me?" asked Xenovia, clearly offended by his words.

"As I said, it is stupid. You are in enemy territory, without backup, using two more of the same kind of artifact as the stolen swords, following information that is sure to be planted – because if they were to be stolen and guards were killed, they'd have no reason to leave enough hints for you guys to come here… And yet, under such suspicious circumstances you turn away the very people with more information about the landscape because they _may_ benefit in your failure – something that cannot be said yet because we have no idea what the swords were brought here for besides bait for you. Only you two versus however many there may be."

"We would gladly give our life for the mission—" Irina started.

Naruto stopped her. "That kind of talk only is acceptable, if at all, when you are able to do the mission if you give your life. Preferably, evn then it is best to do both at once. If you'll lose both anyway, then keep your life. In this case, you have about no chance of doing this mission even if you die because of your stupidity and pride."

Xenovia turned to him fully, lifting her sword. "How dare you! We are being guided by the love of God! He'd never let his loyal followers behind like that!"

"He would if he gave you all the tools to do it properly and yet you refused to do it," Naruto countered. "Free will was a gift from him, remember? He can give you all you need to succeed, but it is your right to be an _idiot_ and leave it all behind and fail!"

Before the now red-faced Xenovia replied, the door was kicked open by a metallic boot.

In it, there was Metatron, wearing a silver armor covered by white holy shrouds.

 **Anyone order a distraction?**

"…eh?"

Was all everyone but Naruto could say.

Naruto was more focused on what Metatron was _holding_.

"Pizza again?"

 **It is the perfect group meal besides barbecue.  
And barbecue is better if made on the spot.**

Naruto thought about it a bit… and nodded.

"Does the fact he arrived with _those_ words not bother you?"

Naruto looked at Issei, who had been the speaker. Then around the room, where everyone looked at them the same way.

So he looked back at Metatron.

"…Good job."

 **Thank you.**

"Well, getting the conversation back on track, I can't do that for the simple reason that I can't change the past," said Naruto, taking a piece of the pizza.

Forgetting the argument, just as Metatron planned, Xenovia asked, suspicious: "and how would you already be looking for the Excaliburs? We just met yesterday and did not give you the info."

Naruto pointed to Kiba over his shoulder. "You know how their job is to keep the peace here? Well, the swordsman there, Kiba, met a stray exorcist killing someone from the Church with one of them. So I've been investigating to find the guy and whoever may be with him since then. Also, I've been trying to find out why they are called Excaliburs."

"Because they were forged from pieces of the original Excalibur," Xenovia explained "The original one was broken in seven pieces".

Naruto shook his head, showing that was not what he was asking about.

"Ok, I have a big question. Bigger than how are there so many Excaliburs, or even any if the original one was given back to the Lady of the Lake before being broken…"

The exorcists _and_ the devils opened their mouths. That… _was_ a part of Arthurian legend, but…

"Wasn't King Arthur from Celtic folklore? I mean, many pieces of the story even use things that are not considered in Christianity, like fae. I can understand his sword being a powerful thing, but isn't 'holy' in this case read as 'blessed by the Christian God'?"

The exorcists opened their mouths, but no words came out.

Metatron shrugged, in plain view of everyone.

 _Everyone's_ eyes widened, especially Kiba's.

"Are you saying the Excaliburs are not holy swords?"

Naruto shook his head. "They must be. Else someone would have noticed they don't work as they should. But they can't be _Excaliburs_ , not in anything but name."

Metatron nodded.

 **Names are powerful. As a Devil, you must understand this.  
Probably why they were named thus.**

Kiba wasn't calmed down by this, though.

"But—but the Holy Sword Project! All the dead children just to wield them, are you saying we all suffered and died for _fakes_?"

Naruto's eyes hardened, and he turned to the three people he could ask about this.

No words were said.

No words were _needed_.

A normal sigh was heard coming from under Metatron's helmet, before hos booming voice returned.

 **Correct me if I am wrong, I did not have much time to find this out in my quest to bring you. Your homeland had Danzo, who held authority and believed he was in the right, and Orochimaru, who experimented on children without remorse.**

Naruto nodded. Orochimaru seemed to have turned a new leaf last he heard of him, and they were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt after he was crucial in saving… everyone, but it was undeniable that him and Danzo were monsters before then.

 **Unfortunately, the Church got both at once in the form of Valper Galilei. When his actions were found out, he had already escaped and there were no survivals that we could find.  
He was obsessed in being able to wield a holy sword, specially an Excalibur, so he was trying to make it so someone could wield one without being chosen to do so. He thought it was acceptable to kill his test subjects if his research yielded results.  
Since he had already escaped, we were only able to excommunicate him. But if I ever get my hands on him…**

The present were witnesses to something they never thought possible. The feathers of _Metatron_ were darkening in the tips.

The angel in question frowned.

 **Great, I'm raging yet again. I will need to purify myself when I'm able to return to Heaven. That is** _ **so**_ **boring…**

Naruto sighed. "Great… Orochimaru was a monster obsessed with his experiments, but he was able to wake up in time to help save the world and seems to be making a recovery, even he is under watch. And we found out that Danzo was an asshole that would justify everything in his head as for the best even if he ruined everything. Give both of these to the same person…"

 **I can't say for sure, I didn't meet them.  
But it sounds like him, yes.**

"Wait," Kiba interrupted, "did you say the guy that experimented on children did a 180 and helped save the world?"

"More like a 90 for now," Naruto admitted. "We are keeping him watched by the survivors of his experiments, at their decision, so we'll know if he _really_ is getting better. It's going fine for now, I think.  
Having seen how hard he is to kill, and how different he can be when _not_ trying to take over bodies for power and immortality or giving people power-ups that have a high chance of killing them, I say that it is better for _everyone_ if he _did_ become a better person."

"And the survivors of his experiments… just accepted it?"

Naruto shrugged. "Somehow, most of them actually worked for his underground operations before he got better, and the others are Yamato, who is watching him like a paranoid hawk, and Anko who just wants him to be away from her. Oh, and Suigetsu, who… for some reason decided to _learn_ from him."

IIIII

"Alright, Yamato, I'm going bathroom. You know, because I can do _so much evil_ there."

Outside the window, a bush gave him a shaky thumbs up. Orochimaru just rolled his eyes.

"Suigetsu, don't try to do anything stupid."

"Who do you think I am?" Suigetsu asked, clearly offended.

Orochimaru gives him a glare, but goes.

"I don't _have_ to try."

IIIII

" _Any_ ways, as I said I've already got _many_ people looking into it. They should have over half of the town covered by now, since they are trying to be discreet."

"That doesn't make me comfortable in the least," said an entering Sona and her peerage, the fading magic circle beside her ear making clear she had been listening to the conversations. "I am surprised you even know what the word 'discreet' means."

"Sona-chan, I am a master prankster," he replied in an offended tone. "I wouldn't be worth the title if I didn't know the meaning of discretion and misdirection."

"Not that you use the first much," grumbled Kurama from the side.

Naruto shrugged at that. "People who do know me would know something is up the second I tried to be discreet about _anything_."

"…point."

"But anyway, chances are low of them finding _anything_ during the day… if they are smart, they'll act at night, out of the public eye. Even if leaving a breadcrumbs trail, they need the _right_ people to find it, and avoid the wrong ones. And since we only know of _one_ agent of theirs, and one that draws attention…"

"Are you saying we need to wait until the night to go look for them?" Xenovia asked, impatient.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Ok first, I just said I got people looking for them for us, so you could use this time to prepare yourselves."

"And are your people trustworthy?"

"I'd put my life in their hands. Already did many times, actually."

Xenovia nodded.

"And second…" he pointed to the window… and everyone had the urge to facepalm, since it was already past sunset.

"I should be getting the info at any minute. So, let's all get ready."

"A shame that you can be so efficient, though," said Kiba. "I was hoping for a spar with the wielders of the famous Excalibur blades."

Naruto shrugged. "We have some time. And I must admit I didn't spar with anyone ever since arriving in town, it'd be fun to join."

IIIII

They went to a nearby field… and Naruto felt himself unwatched enough to frown. Kiba's negativity and desire for revenge was big. He seemed to know a bit too much about that Holy Sword Project, maybe he was related to one of the killed, maybe even a survivor. Either way, he was projecting his anger in those two for some reason more than just being from the church, probably because they could use the swords the project was created for?

Best to drag this aggressiveness out of him so it doesn't become a liability later.

"It is a great honor to face someone who Lord Metatron himself treats so highly," bowed his opponent.

"Thank you," he said with a smile. But he was holding back a frown. The way Xenovia acts, she'd be more likely to aggravate Kiba than calm him down.

The fight began, and Naruto decided to test his opponent's defenses. She was… ok.. Naruto had to admit that he had become kind of a monster through his challenges at life, even if he wasn't using senjutsu or Kurama's chakra, but the girl would be considered chuunin at best…

She was good with a sword, but not exceptional. Her sword, according to herself, could change shape at will, but she barely used that skill besides turning it from an armband to a katana.  
Lacking imagination, lacking improvisation, it was harder to transform than she made it sound, he wasn't sure. But her fighting style didn't seem very suited for that sword's special ability.

It had _power_ , though. Every hit he blocked with his kunai he could feel the energy coating the blade fighting with the chakra he applied to the metal. If not for that, he was sure the kunai would have been destroyed long ago.

Besides them, the other two's fight made him mad. Xenovia was a berserker, but that seemed to fit her blade. The problem was her attitude in speaking was as blunt as her attacks.  
Kiba seemed to have been goaded to follow her, however, either that or he lost himself in anger, because he was fighting the same way instead of the skilled speedster he could see he really was supposed to be.

In the end, Kiba lost terribly, and he didn't have much of a mood to keep fighting.

"Naruto-san, is something wrong?" Irina asked, confused when he lifted his hand for her to stop. There had been no speculation of the fights being related, after all.

"Oh, sorry, I'm just lost in thought," he said. She nodded, looking at the other battle. Good, so she was good enough to pay attention to them while battling him too.

"I need to say, you are skilled with a sword, and yours packs a punch… but why are you just using it in one form?"

"Uh? Because… well, how else would I use it?"

"I once fought alongside someone with a sword a lot like yours, just not a holy sword," he said. "It could increase in size, and change shape a bit, but much less than yours. The wielder used it by increasing its size and weight after starting the swing, giving it more power with not much more strength used. And yours can change much more, since it can become an armband… if you train in it, your fighting could be almost unpredictable. And that could save your life against a skilled opponent."

She nodded, and Naruto could see in her glazed eyes her going through possibilities she didn't think of before.

He then made a show of going to his phone.

To be truthful, he got the message mid-spar, but nothing big seemed to happen since then so it would make no difference to tell them then or now anyway.

Going through the apps, he opened a map one, and looked in it for the place the clones found.

"Any news?" Raynare asked, drawing everyone's attention to him.

"A location. Someone that looked like Sellzen left the place some time ago, no more news coming from him but if I am right on it being a trap he just wants to be seen and draw us there anyway."

The two goups of devils and the exorcists approached him to see the place, while Metatron called the Fallen for a small talk.

"So, what will we do?" Naruto asked. "I mean, it is most likely a trap, but they need a good bait too so probably something or someone important is in there."

 **Actually, we had a conversation, and…**

"We think it is better if you did not go," Dohnaseek finished, rolling his eyes at Metatron's hesitation.

"What?"

"I don't get it either," said Mittelt, "but the boys say you are too important to risk outside emergencies."

Naruto closed his eyes and sighed. They… probably had a point. He had no way of knowing how important he was to them, but Metatron said many times that he was _very_.  
Sure, he was probably able to deal with the enemies without trouble if he went all-out… but it wasn't really needed, and Metatron _really_ wanted his identity to be kept secret…

On the other hand…

"That's perfect," Kurama interrupted his thoughts. "We have something important to deal with while you guys deal with the overgrown knives."

They did? "We do?"

" **We do** ," came Kurama's voice inside him, and… it seemed worried.

"Ah, right. I forgot."

"You're going to leave us?" Rias asked, eyes wide. "Just like that?"

Naruto shrugged. "Metatron is going with you guys. Besides… you know, all of you guys being there. Besides, if you guys _really_ get into trouble I'll get there quickly."

Sona rolled her eyes, dragging Rias away. Naruto, meanwhile, just waved for everyone and followed Kurama.

Who kept going. And going.

"…where are we going?"

"Back to the church. _**He**_ is waiting for us there."

"Ah, ok."

They kept going in silence.

"So… gonna tell me who is he?"

"…you know, I had forgotten."

Naruto was confused, but kept silent.

"When the angels who knew who you are supposed to be started acting like it was a big deal, I snorted. But now I remember how it feels after I felt mine."

His eyes widened. "He was reborn?"

Kurama shook his head in negative. "It is the same deal as when you last met him… which is why it is so troublesome."

Naruto nodded in agreement. Last time it was an emergency thing to stop Kaguya. His spirit was supposed to be unburdened now. If he had reason to contact them again…

The clone Kurama was inhabiting was dispelled.

Naruto opened the doors.

"Ah, Uzumaki Naruto. It has not been long since we last met."

"Old man Sage," Naruto nodded. "I thought you were resting in peace."

"I was," the old spirit confirmed. "Then something extraordinary happened. Extraordinary… and troublesome."

"Me being the reincarnation of this God of the Bible?" Naruto tried.

"Yes. While it would usually be no trouble, your increased potential puts your chakra and your Brother-in-Arms' in disarray. If it was a matter of weakening or even death of one the chakra used would be self-sustainable, but it is still linked to your soul, and your divine awakening is causing big changes."

Naruto had to take a minute to try to decipher that… and paled.

There was only one active jutsu where both his and Sasuke's chakra would be mingled like that.

IIIII

The sphere cracked.

It kept cracking, until a hole opened.

White hands with long fingers hurriedly scratched the hole, opening it until it was wide enough a human female could squeeze through it with some trouble… and it was exactly that that the human female inside the sphere did.

She was free.

She had returned.

Unfortunatelly, she was not aware that the sphere was floating in the sky, so Kaguya Otsutsuki could only scream as she fell.

IIIII

 **Quick question!**

 **Did anyone notice it? The thing from canon that Naruto utterly screwed up while helping and having fun?**

 **It is kind of a big one!**

 **Also, can you see where I had to do a rush job for next chapter because it has been so long since I worked on this I forgot the planned end of chapter? And lost my rhythm for making a new plan for it?  
The key points are the same, but the ending product suffered quite a loss in quality, I think. Hope it isn't too disappointing for you guys.**

 **Hopefully next chapter is better, and I can release it sooner.**


	5. Unmasked

**Someone asked if a pairing/romance was really needed… no. No it is not.  
But people like it, and I'll admit, I rooted for the dragon lady through the Flame of Recca manga despite knowing she had no chance, so why not. As long as it doesn't steal the focus of the story.**

 **Besides, the number of reviews with suggestions clearly shows it is something I'm not the only one that enjoys.**

 **So... apparently the main attraction of pairing Naruto with Gabriel is... pregnancy mood swings? Sure, someone suggested because she is so devoted to her Father, but more than just one person mentioned pregnancy mood swings.**

 **Irina and Xenovia are apparently because of their devotion to God. Also Xenovia is stubborn and wants strong children in canon already.**

 **Rias is apparently liked by some because she is an otaku, and thus a ninja fan…**

 **Ophis is apparently given the shaft even if fics where she** _ **does**_ **end up with Naruto, either being a minor part of the harem or taking a while to acknowledge their feelings…**

 **Sona would be because of the personality contrast.**

 **Le Fay apparently would be cute having her food complimented… I… guess?**

 **Serafall was the one with more justifications: the contrast between their natures would be interesting, personalities seem a bit alike, both are weird in their own way, and both like to mess with Sona in a way. And both are strong, someone mentioned that, to be paired with Naruto, a girl has to understand actual battle and hardship, and she went through a war.**

 **Close to that is Kuroka, who became a stray devil to protect her sister and being one of the few Senjutsu users, they could train together and teach each other.**

 **Raynare, Koneko, Akeno, Seekravia were suggested, but no one said anything new since last chapter.**

 **Also, a few people seem to like the idea of Kaguya.  
To be honest, I'm personally a fan of Kaguya's idea and design, even if I hated the execution (I know, with how much I fought with the idea of her being powerful, it doesn't seem so). I always had plans of making a story someday with a NarutoxKaguya pairing… Maybe it may even be this one?  
But they like the idea of Kaguya **_**as a tsundere**_ **(and someone mentioned, crying a bit)… that's not how I see her myself…**

 **Speaking of Kaguya, being an alien… yeah, she technically is…  
And now that he is in DxD instead of the Elemental Nations, so is Naruto. Remember, that was another world to Earth too.  
Would she still count as human? Well, would **_**he**_ **? I think so.**

 **Ok, a warning, this chapter is** _ **definitely**_ **les humorous… at least intentionally.**

 **It is also not as well-written. I was a bit occupied with university and first free time I got I remove a wisdom tooth that was hurting my mouth when I ate hard things.**

IIIII

"I'm assuming the imprint to be at least a week old… She has been weakened quite a bit by the removal of the Nine, which explains the fall, but she is still a threat. I'm assuming she must still be in the same power range as you at your best."

"It is worse than that, Old man Sage," Naruto pointed out. "I had sealed Black Zetsu with her, and he isn't there either."

They were using a glass ball for scrying the dimension Kaguya should have been locked at, something that Naruto recalled from when the Third Hokage was alive.

"Do you have any idea where they may have gone to?" asked Kurama, once more in a clone. It was weird to Naruto, his mind seemed to have two modes, lazy asshole and battle genius. It was like a weird mix of Shikamaru, Sasuke at his best and Kakashi, in his own way.

"My assumptions were that she was either going for recovering her power, which means hunting the Nine, or looking for revenge. Fortunately, the rest of the Elemental Nations seems to be keeping watch for any new threats. But…"

"That makes us the easier target," Naruto finished for him.

The spirit nodded.

"Well, at least she wouldn't be able to hide herself much here," Naruto shrugged. "The horns and white hair and eyes would attract a bit of attention."

"Genjutsu would fix that, or maybe just henge." was what Kurama said. "Sure, she didn't seem to have much in the way of techniques when you fought, but she has _Black Zetsu_ with her to teach her." He thought a bit more, before finishing: "maybe she won't even need that much, mister 'japanese with blond hair and blue eyes'."

Kurama had a point. Maybe it was because this was Kuoh, where people were used to foreigners from the devil side, but from what he knew Japansese people should have looked at him weird for having blond hair.

"There may be another reason for her to be coming for you," the Sage admitted. "To remind you, despite coming from a different world my mother had been elevated to a deity by eating the fruit of the God Tree. Maybe not at the time, but eventually. She was the first human, or as close to it as we had, to wield chakra. Despite me being the one to spread it, _she_ is the Progenitor of All Chakra."

Naruto nodded.

"She was also possessive of it."

"And water is wet."

The Sage ignored the jab. "Now you need to remember that Deities get extra power from the people that believe in them. For example, I am considered a legend in the Elemental Nations, and thus people would praise me while I was remembered.

The problem here is that… I'm not remembered much anymore. The upside is that neither is my mother. The downside is that, since they don't remember us much, they just pray for the progenitor of chakra. Which those that remember me think is me. But it is her."

"Which means that, when people were praying to you, they were actually praying to _her_ ," Naruto understood. "Meaning that the Elemental Nations were a big battery feeding her even before she tried to take all the chakra for herself," Naruto nodded in understanding.

"Now, imagine if she was remembered… and someone was declared a hero for defeating her. _Usually_ it would make no difference since it would still be a mortal praised for something related to her, but…"

Naruto winced at that. "…make him be a deity, at least in part, and as far as she is concerned I'm stealing her chakra _and_ her followers…"

The Sage of Six Paths nodded gravely.

"I'm getting a headache."

The Sage didn't seem much concerned. "As long as you understand the danger you are in right now and are careful. My mother is still powerful, even if without the power of my children to fuel her."

Naruto nodded.

Nodding back, the Sage started to fade.

"Hope you don't think badly of me saying so, but considering the circumstances of our every meeting I hope we don't meet again for a while."

"Hehe, I get it."

"Take care of him, Kurama."

"Don't have to tell me twice, old man," the clone grinned.

And thus the Sage left.

…

And thus Naruto turned around and make a Shadow Clone that promptly dispelled, sharing the info with the others around town.

Now he had a warning system if Kaguya ever showed up.

IIIII

Kaguya gazed hatefully at her opponent.

Oh, how she wished to just attack with all her strength. Take what was hers by right.

But no. Doing so would make the victory lose its meaning. She had to defeat her opponent in its own game.

"Zetsu, another coin," said coldly the white-haired beauty, adjusting her bonnet, her eyes going between the accursed crane and the plushy bunny she wanted.

Behind her, the heavily tattooed man, so heavy most would think half his body was a mass of black from a distance, sighed.

"Mother—"

"Another. Coin."

Zetsu obeyed, his eye twitching.

IIIII

"So, what do I do while I wait for her to show up?" Naruto asked Kurama. "I'd think it'd be a good idea to tell Rias and Sona about this, since they are responsible for the town."

"Not a bad idea," said Kurama. "You'd need to explain about her, but just that she is a powerful being that you fought and may be coming for revenge may be enough. That should be enough to satisfy the angels about keeping your identity secret yet yourself protected."

The blond released a sigh. "I wish they'd tell me why I need so much protection. I mean, sure, I'm the reincarnation of their father or something, but I'm a fighter too!"

"Don't forget, all they got from that is your small meeting with the Fallen and some hearsay Enoch heard while visiting. We are not even sure how good was his assessment of Kaguya. It may have been her while locked instead of while she had our power too."

Naruto sighed again, but nodded. "So, what do we do? We have no idea where Kaguya is, promised not to go to where the others are, and have no idea where that lake lady may be."

"'Lady of the Lake', it is a title."

"I'll keep that in mind. I'm more worried about the others right now."

Kurama nodded, then snorted. "The two devil groups are lead by people considered good enough to be responsible for the town, and they are helped by Metatron, who from what I gathered is supposed to be a _BIG_ deal. They must have it all under control."

IIIII

It was a hard pill to swallow, but Issei was less than no help. He was an outright hindrance.

And it was a pill that not just Issei himself, but also Rias had to swallow.

She knew he had lots of potential, taking all eight of her Pawn pieces to reincarnate. The problem was, potential untapped was useless.

Her plans were at first to let him deal with the Fallen Angels that killed him by himself, hopefully unlocking said potential. Then Naruto showed up.

Her next plan was to train her team, including him, on her last chance to fight Riser for her freedom. Naruto made that not be needed.

She admitted that she kinda forgot about him after that.

Now Issei was in the middle of battle, only slightly better than when he was a pure human. His _apparent_ Sacred Gear, Twice Critical – she doubted it was the final form, since as said it took _eight_ Pawn pieces – only doubling his meager skills, only enough for him to survive a bit more.

Meanwhile, they were facing a group of Stray Exorcists, trained to fight both Fallen and Devils… and that apparently thought Metatron was a trick, since why would _he_ be associating himself with Devils?

At least having Sona's team and the Angels, Fallen or otherwise, was giving them the advantage they needed to survive. But she took note of this failing. Next free time the club had they would be training. **Hard**.

Well, saying "the advantage they needed to survive" was a bit of a pessimistic view. While Issei was clearly being held back by his lack of training, the others were doing alright. The official exorcists, coupled with Metatron and the Fallen, were doing good enough the Devils were mostly avoiding being hit rather than actual fighting.

It was clear, comparing what they saw of the Fallen before and now, that Naruto did _not_ share her mistake.

Which… was to be expected, hearing how the four played with the young but properly-trained exorcists when they first met.

Metatron flowed around the room as if floating instead of flying, his powerful hits throwing the enemies around in a way she only saw in martial arts movies.

Raynare batted everyone in reach of her Light Spear… or should she call it a light _staff_ …

Kalawarner seemed to have been trained personally by Naruto, since her movements reminded her much more of his. Her "light knives" also reminded her of the weapon she saw on his hands when they first met in that church.

Mittelt used something reminding her of trench knives, using her smaller size to flow through the exorcists.

And Dohnaseek… Well, he used his weapons still in the form of spears, but his apparent older age showed in his movements, showing that he was experienced with it.

She resisted the urge to sweat. While she was confident her peerage – save for Issei – could have defeated the Fallen still, it was a much closer fight now…

And speaking of her peerage…

She was more than aware of the lack of her Knight.

But she couldn't blame him, could she? After all that suffering, the man responsible for everything was in front of him, teasing them. Even Metatron darkened his wings a bit in rage thinking of his actions, and Kiba was his actual victim.

The man ran away as soon as he noticed the stray exorcists wouldn't protect him like he thought. After all, he was only expecting some Devils.

She couldn't blame Kiba… but seeing him leaving them behind to chase Valper Galilei still hurt.

She was so focused on her personal thoughts, she didn't notice a stray exorcist reaching behind her.

"Buchou, watch out!"

She rolled away by instinct, just in time to get out of the way as Kiba locked swords with the opponents that was attacking her from behind… wait, what?

"Sorry Buchou, I was so concentrated on revenge, I forgot about you guys."

She smiled. So, in the end, Kiba chose them over revenge.

…Wait…

"Kiba, what happened to the two exorcists?"

"They went after Freed and Valper. I thought that was alright since one of them defeated me and Valper isn't a fighter."

"Not a bad thought… but…"

"Yeah, I got a bad feeling too."

IIIII

When the group reached the exorcists…

They were not doing fine.

Oh, if it was just Freed and Galilei it would be two against one and a smear, but unfortunately that was not how it really was going.

Because…

"Kokabiel…" everyone heard escaping Raynare's lips.

"Oh? What do we have here?" Kokabiel, the Cadre, wielder of five pairs of wings, let go of Shidou Irina, the girl extremely hurt. Xenovia was standing up a bit away, using Excalibur Destruction as a crutch as she lifted herself from the broken tree.

"Two peerages of devils, four of my Fallen brethren, and an excommunicated witch come to help two members of the Church."

 **But the last one ducked.**

"Wha—" was all Kokabiel could say as he was kicked in the face by a falling Metatron. Hard enough he broke a tree in half.

 **Oh, by the way, 'Dynamic Entry'.**

The body in the tree trembled in rage as he stood up.

No, now that it became visible, it was clear that the Fallen Cadre was trembling in laughter.

"Hello, Metatron. Long time no see. I see you are stronger than last time we met, did Michael find a way to restore a bit of your powers?"

Metatron said nothing. A spear of light appeared in his hand.

Kokabiel smirked. "Hit a sore spot, did I?" he said, in a clearly false apologetic tone. "It has been two thousand years, you should stop being in denial."

Metatron said nothing.

He just disappeared.

Kokabiel's eyes widened, and he ducked just in time to avoid a roundhouse kick from behind.

"What the—"

 **I am the Terror that Flaps in the Night!**

"…what?"

"Did Metatron just quote Darkwing Duck?" Issei asked the person at his side.

It was Koneko, who just stared at him…

Stared…

Then shrugged, looking as confused as he felt.

"Regardless, I must thank you. I was going to attack the school to attack the two sisters of Satans, and what do we have here but _you_ bringing them to me."

"What?" Rias said aloud. "Why would you do that? We didn't do anything, and all it would do was—"

"That's his goal, Rias," Sona interrupted. "Isn't it? You wish to restart the War."

Kokabiel's smile widened. "You _are_ smart, just like the rumors say."

"But that's insane!" Rias commented. "All that will do is cause more deaths in all three Factions!"

"Frankly, Rias, I don't think he cares."

"Please, this will be much easier for us than last time. Your side is weakened by your own Civil War. And the angels' side—"

 **Shut up all of you.**

"Oh? Are you getting out patience, Metatron?" Kokabiel mocked. "A secret you don't want to get out, perhaps?"

 **Not the one you are thinking, I assure you.**

Kokabiel's eyes widened in confusion. "But… what?"

 **I won't deny there is a secret, but not the one you think. And you know I am incapable of lying.  
But that is not why I stopped your conversation.**

"Oh, you noticed."

"Notice what?" everyone started analyzing their conversation in confusion.

A deep sigh sounded, as if coming from everywhere. A sign it came from Metatron.

 **Where are Galilei and the stray exorcist?**

Eyes widened, but none more than Kiba's.

 **Keep going. I will keep him… occupied.**

"Keep me occupied?" Kokabiel mocked. "You may be better than before, but you are still weakened. At this level the four one-paired fallen with you would make for a bigger nuisan—

Kokabiel stopped talking as soon as Metatron disappeared.

Expecting this repeat of strategy, he spun around, his light spear ready to try and cut his opponent in half… and thus he was hit with _two_ pieces of fallen tree instead of a big one.

 **Behold the Log!**

Kokabiel just looked at the angel in confusion.

Until he was kicked in the face.

IIIII

"You are too late."

Freed Sellzen was looking ecstatic, which was disturbing for anyone, even if they didn't know him.

Valper Galilei lowered his hands, and the ritual circle's light faded, becoming just a circle drawn in the ground once more.

In the middle, and now on Freed's hands, was…

An abomination of a sword, not at all balanced, nothing a proper swordsman would ever use, Kiba thought. The fact it was colored gold only served to hide a bit of the ugliness, but it was still there, clear as day.

Ok, he was being a bit too critical. Someone would call it "cool" if it was in a videogame.

The main problem was… he could see where one blade ended and another begun. As not only a sword wielder but also a sword maker, it felt sickening.

"What is… this abomination?" someone asked. It took him a bit of time to notice that it was his own voice.

"Oh? You don't like my masterpiece, the Fused Excalibur?" Valper laughed. "I admit, I can make it become even better. I just need the other pieces of the Excalibur, and I'll be able to bring the True Excalibur back!"

"No, you won't," Kiba replied. "Those swords are only Excaliburs by name. The True Excalibur is safe with its original owner."

Valper laughed. A disgusting laugh, in Kiba's opinion. "As if you would have any idea."

"We heard it from the mouth of Metatron itself."

Valper froze. "No," he said. "No! Then what… what have I been working so long for?"

The despair in Valper's voice was sweet to Kiba, but he wasn't there just for revenge, but also for justice.

"Now you know how we felt when you threw away our lives because your Holy Sword Project failed."

"What are you talking about, stupid child? These are obviously the real deal, and the Holy Sword Project was a success!"

Kiba scoofed. "You're in denial."

"You clearly cannot appreciate genius. My genius would never be fooled by a fake Excalibur. The Holy Sword Project was made so people like me, who can't wield Holy Swords, could do so. So _I_ could do so! And I did it! Look at that!"

He pointed at Freed, who wielded the so-called Fused Excalibur with a mix of reverence and insanity.

"There is an essential factor needed to wield a holy sword. Most of my test subjects had the factor, but not enough to wield an Excalibur. So the answer was obvious, take from the ones who had it but were unworthy and give to those worthy of the blades!"

He held in front of himself a shiny orb.

"And yet what was my reward for completing the research? Just because the stupid kids were not able to survive the extraction. And yet, what do we have now? Wielders made using my research, I bet the only difference is the survival of the test subjects! Bah, I say!"

He threw the orb at Kiba's feet.

The boy got a hold of it, almost reverent. Just the though… that in that sphere was a part of the spirit of his old friends… the friends that died while he survived…

"And this! This is its culmination! What Freed holds is four sevenths of the ultimate Holy Sword, and as soon as it is complete he shall still be able to wield the _completed_ , _True_ Excalibur!"

But Kiba was not listening. For from the orb in his hand…

…the spirits of his old friends appeared.

IIIII

Metatron's eyes shifted from his opponent slightly.

That light… it wasn't Holy. It was Pure.

It was as if the souls of dozens of children laughed in happiness.

It held Darkness within, but also Acceptance.

Not like something Holy was supposed to be. Holy was the antithesis to Darkness. This Light…

It reminded him of when Naruto was covered with that golden energy shrowd. There was Light and Darkness. But the Darkness didn't fight the Light, for the Light accepted it, and the Darkness accepted it back.

He looked at Kokabiel.

Kokabiel looked at him.

The two turned to see the source.

"…I see!" came the voice of Valper Galilei. "Holy and demonic. It will be an explanation, if the beings that represent the two become unbalanced!"

Metatron froze. Oh dear.

Kokabiel did not.

Cursing himself, Metatron followed the thrown spear of light, hoping that he could reach his allies before they were hit—

"Then not only the Satans but God has also—"

He shouldn't have bothered. It wasn't _his_ side of the battle the spear was aimed at.

…but even so, he couldn't help but feel surprised at Kokabiel's actions.

"Valper, you were remarkable," Kokabiel said to the dying man. "The reason you reached this conclusion proves that."

 **From your actions before, I'd think you would approve of word getting out.**

Everyone was stunned. Metatron's words served as confirmation.

Histerical laughter began.

It was Raynare.

"I remember now. That's why I fell. That's why all three of us fell. We couldn't accept it, so we looked for a way to fill the emptiness. The ways of our kind were not enough to fill the emptiness."

"What?" Irina gasped, in Asias's arms.

Asia's eyes were filled with tears and incredulity herself.

"No… no, it can't be…"

"Yes, in the battle between the three sides, not only the Four Satans but also God died!"

"Lies… it's a lie."

 **No, Xenovia.**

Metatron was merciless.

 **God did die.**

Everyone froze at that.

They recalled something. Metatron himself claimed he was incapable of lying.

And they doubted he would lie about this.

"Yes, little exorcist. The God you believe in… is dead. Even your mighty Metatron said so."

 **Now, I didn't say that.**

Everyone froze again.

"W-what?" Kokabiel said, surprised. "But you just said—"

 **I said God died. Not that God is dead.**

 _Everyone_ on the battlefield blinked at that. Did that mean what they thought it meant?

"Impossible," Kokabiel said. You are saying God came back from the dead?"

Xenovia blinked. "You know… that wouldn't be the first time. There is the whole Easter thing already…"

"That was Jesus," Kokabiel pointed out.

"Divine Trinity," Xenovia countered.

Kokabiel opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened again. "Explain how it works."

Xenovia had no answer.

Kokabiel didn't either though. So he went through another tactic. "And if God is back, why the mask?"

 **Pardon?**

"The mask! The whole reason for you wearing it was because God is dead! Because without God you, who shares the Face and Voice of God, ended up with _no_ face and voice of your own."

 **Ah… right… I just got used to it.  
It also looks cool.**

"Really. You got used to the mask? I think that you just got used is to being able to lie!"

 **I am not lying!**

"Then prove it! Prove that you are not lying, Prove that God has returned, that your face is more than just a void and your voice is more than a projection—oh, really mature Enoch!"

Metatron lifted his helmet, and his real face was currently showing his tongue to Kokabiel. With all the maturity of a millenias-old angel.

Seeing the face, everyone froze.

Raynare began laughing histerically.

Irina gasped.

Asia's eyes filled with incredulity.

Xenovia kept repeating "no", eyes wide.

"You guys suck," Metatron said, in the face and voice of Uzumaki Naruto.

He then wore the helmet again.

"So, God is back…" Kokabiel mused. "This… changes nothing. I mean, if you were hiding it that means he is still weak. That means I can defeat him easily."

Metatron said smiled at that.

"After all, where would he be if not right under your watch?"

 **Not safe.**

"…excuse me?" Kokabiel said, confused.

Metatron revised what he said, and answered again.

… **Not safe.**

Everyone finally understood what was happening.

Metatron, in a last effort, pointed to the grass in the ground.

… **the grass is a light green, gray in the lower parts, because it hasn't been raining lately and no one is bothering to water it.**

"Wait, so if he tries to tell a lie lie he tells the truth even if he thought it was true or did not know the truth beforehand?" asked Issei.

 **Damn it.**

"Quick, if Pinochio says that his nose will grow right then, what happens?"

 **Unlike God, who gave me this ability, Pinochio isn't omniscient. His nose only grows when he is being dishonest. So if he expected his nose to grow he would be disappointed, and if he did not he'd be surprised.**

"Uh. Didn't expect an actual answer."

 **No one does. Not even me sometimes.  
Thankfully, I'm not forced to tell the truth, just to not tell lies. I could tell you some things about frogs and toads…**

IIIII

As he got no news about Kaguya, Naruto decided to trust his instincts and follow the weird feeling about the Excalibur. Something told him it would be important, and it had nothing to do with whatever Metatron thought it was.

So he followed the feeling until a forest the other side of the town than where the others were going for. And a small lake in the middle.

And by small, it seemed to be barely over his waist in the deep. But the water was pretty clean, he could see inside it perfectly.

It seemed… perfect. Unnaturally perfect.

He stepped towards the lake… and spun, evading something that almost hit him in the back of the head.

He looked surprised. There was no killing intent, not even fighting intent. He just felt a quick blast of chakra and heard something cutting through the air.

He turned around.

It was Kaguya… wearing a brown bonnet, pink blouse and tan trousers. Oh, and holding a stuffed bunny.

And she seemed more annoyed than murderous.

"There, I shot him. And he got away. Can we go now?"

Naruto blinked at that.

And again.

"Eh?"

"No!" said a man at her side, clearly being controlled by Black Zetsu. "You need to kill him, else he will get on our way again!"

Kaguya grumbled something Naruto couldn't hear but that sounded suspiciously like "as long as you shut up".

Then she disappeared in a white blur.

Naruto blocked his abdomen by instinct, but was still thrown hard enough he disappeared over the lake and broke a couple of trees.

This was really Kaguya? Sure, she wasn't going as fast as last time, or as strong as last time, or throwing deadly bone lances as easily as last time, but she was _much_ mor skilled than last time too!

As he approached the water he "raised" his arms, backflipping and skipping over the water, trying to stop himself in a proper position to _stop_ himself. Sure, he reached a breakthrough in Sage Mode during the fight with Madara and could now be in it for **much** longer and gather energy **much** faster, thanks to almost dying and meeting Old Man Sage, but he _still_ needed to connect with Nature and mold Sage Chakra at least for a start.

As he felt himself fill with Nature energy though, he had to resist the urge to gasp.

It was a bit hard to admit, but Sage-gold Byakugan eyes were as beautiful as they were scary.

IIIII

 **You know, when I started writing this chapter, I had plans. There was going to be a big battle between Kokabiel and Metatron, in which Metatron was weakened by spending two thousand years without God but would compensate with the small ninja skills he learned. But in the end Kokabiel lifts him from the neck, reveals God's death, and then breaks his mask… to reveal Naruto's face.**

 **I'm not sure where that fight went to. Somewhere between the fight among the exorcists and the actual meeting with Kokabiel I went "just give them a glimpse of fighting, not like the good stuff is** _ **this**_ **chapter". But again, I just removed a wisdom tooth, maybe I'm just not in the mood.**

 **Probably next chapter. Next chapter there will be at least one fight, after all.**

 **The bit about frogs and toads is because I only read the translated version so I can't say which was used, but in Hithicker's Guide To The Galaxy book… three, there is guy that was given a truth serum and was told to them them the truth, only the truth and nothing more than the truth… And he did so.**


	6. Guess who's Back

**Ok, sorry for the long wait. I kinda put myself on the spot making an action scene be the focus of this chapter and then finding out I don't like writing them much.**

 **So I decided to kill the action for now.**

 **So yeah, I'm completely to blame for this one.**

 **So, I may get some complaints in this chapter. Because it is not enough to blaspheme by having Naruto be the reincarnation of my religion's God, I have to show my own version of him and why he changed so much from Old to New Testament.**

 **Of course, you are reading a DxD fanfic so you may not care about it much, but those who do… you are warned.**

IIIII

"Sage Mode?" Naruto couldn't help saying aloud. "How?"

"Fool, did you really think you are the only one worthy of connecting with Nature? Mother's worthiness of this power is a thousand—"

"I was turned into a tree," Kaguya interrupted. "Can't become more connected with nature than that."

Naruto opened his mouth to counter… but had to nod at that.

Next second, his arm was raised in a block, his leg halfway up a kick he already knew Kaguya was going to evade.

More than that though, she was able to block the Sage Energy he was able to use to expand the kick's area.

"Interesting," he heard her say, looking at his leg.

" _Alright, listen up,"_ the voice of Kurama echoed in his head, _"she is clearly more skilled now than before. I don't think it is something Zetsu did, either."_

'That means she was holding back then. Underestimating us?'

" _Or overestimating herself. Don't forget, as strong as she seems with Sage Mode she is still much weaker than before."_

Kaguya advanced once more, jumping in a two-legged aerial kick, probably due to being wearing a skirt. Naruto flipped to the side, and was forced to block as two strong points of energy tried hitting his side.

He still skidded on the water.

'Is this what fighting me feels like?'

" _No, fighting you is usually worse,"_ Kurama replied. _"As much as your Sage Mode can be an annoyance, it is nothing compared to what you can be."_

"Usually?" Naruto said out loud… and then almost smacked himself. Kage Bunshin. They were the main strategy when fighting her the last time.

He went to cross his arms in the handsign.

Soft hands held his ones firmly apart though, and he suddenly had a Sage-reinforced bonnet hitting his face.

Not wasting any time, Kaguya jumped, holding herself aloft through Naruto's arms, knees lifted to her chest… and _kicked_ , letting go of his arms.

Naruto went through the forest, breaking a couple of trunks in the process.

That was painful… but that was good, too. He was out of her sight, and that meant—

He quickly rolled out of the way of the thrown tree, stopping his second Kage Bunshin attempt. A crater appeared, as deep of one of Tsunade's stomps.

Ah right. Byakugan.

"You were not this good last time," Naruto mentioned offhandedly, avoiding her charge – and the energy that expanded to try and still hit him.

"Yeah, I was kinda drunk last time."

"Uh?" was all Naruto could say to that… before dodging her next attack, a swipe of her hand with her nails sharp as claws.

The tree next to him wasn't as lucky, falling in pieces. He winced.

So did she.

"Well, you didn't really think I would cry in my right mind just because you looked like my sons, did you?"

Naruto blinked at that. "You're a very quiet drunk."

"Thank you. If only that also applied to _someone_ …"

Both paused on their battle to glare at Black Zetsu, who was yelling at them like some sort of cheerleader.

Complete with costume.

'Where did he even get the clothes?'

' _Well, Zetsu is technically a woman…_ '

'But… but the clothes fit the person being possessed perfectly!'

' _Maybe they are his?_ '

Naruto just shook his head, and coughed on his head to draw Kaguya's attention.

"So… I take it you don't get along well with tall, dark and bodiless over there?"

"For the kami, no. …wait, is it alright to swear by the kami when I'm one now?"

"Beats me," Naruto shrugged. "I currently swear for the Flying Spaghetti Monster."

She nodded, lifted her skirt enough so it wasn't blocking her legs as much… then started attacking again.

"Well, it all began when my sons had the _brilliant_ idea to share Chakra with you humans."

"You speak like if you were not one. Well, once."

Kaguya shrugged with a shoulder, "Well, I guess since I did have fertile children I am close enough. But I came from another world. I am kinda an alien, just as you are to this world."

"Oh, I see," Naruto said, blocking a kick. "But what makes you think you are more worthy of chakra than us? I mean, from what I got you ate the fruit of the tree of _our_ planet."

"I didn't eat it for power, I ate eat because I needed to survive," Kaguya glared, giving a fiercer than usual strike. But to Naruto's chagrin, it wasn't fiercer enough to leave a wide opening. "But you humans were no better when I ate it to when the two gave you power. Greedy little bastards, wanting more and more power. And thanks to those two boneheads, now you had more power than you had control over it."

"Well, I don't know the other one, but Hagoromo-ojiisan also wanted to teach them to use the power for good!"

"His Ninshu, I know," Kaguya said. "And how many besides yourself do you know that actually practice it?"

"…We are still spreading."

"It has been so long he became a messianic figure for you. Yet **only now** you are _starting_ to spread. You're welcome, by the way."

"Well, it would have been _much_ easier if your Black Zetsu hadn't vandalized his writings to give the exact opposite message under his name!"

Kaguya opened her mouth to retort… then stopped.

As in completely stopped. To the point Naruto had to hold back his punch else he probably broke her nose.

"Shut up Uzumaki! Snitches get stitches!"

"What the…" was all Naruto could say before Kaguya slowly turned to the black blob.

"Zetsu," Kaguya said. "Explain yourself."

"Uhm… well mother… that is…"

And then Kaguya wasn't in Sage Mode anymore.

She burst in silver energy, looking exactly as she did when she was first released, looking emotionlessly at Zetsu.

"Well, you see mother… when your grandsons started fighting, I saw that as the best chance we'd ever get to get you free again… So I kinda manipulated everyone so they'd push their transmigrants against each other, giving us the chance to get one of them with the power and means to let me bring you back…"

Kaguya's forehead eye shone red, and Zetsu was covered into the black flames of Amaterasu.

"…This changes nothing," she then declared. "In fact, this only shows my decision they were _not_ _ready_ true. As soon as Hago-chan's guidance was lost they were quickly guided away from everything he stood for."

She threw an uppercut at Naruto's stomach, and he wasn't able to move fast enough and was thrown upwards, vomiting blood.

Then he went Six Paths Sage Mode mid-air.

"You… may have a point. But that doesn't excuse what you tried to do!"

Kaguya rose and Naruto flew down, energy fists colliding.

"I _had_ to take their chakra away! They were becoming too powerful, too dangerous. I they banded together they could challenge the Gods just to get more power. And don't get me started on what problems _that_ could bring. You are more than proof enough they _could_ do it!"

"I'm only able to do it because I awakened Six Paths Sagehood thanks to your son. Doubt many others could do that."

"Madara! Obito!" Black Zetsu yelled from the sidelines.

"…ok, you may have a point there."

Kaguya crossed her arms smugly.

Her hair still fought just as fiercely, just as Naruto's Sage Energy did. But it was more background noise for them, their conversation being their focus right now.

"So you see, I _had_ to do it to them," she said.

Naruto resisted the urge to facefault due to her choice of words. At their current position, that could be a _bad_ idea.

"Draining them of all their chakra, removing their memories and personalities, turning them into White Zetsus?"

"Why do you call them Black and White Zetsus? I mean, there is just one Zetsu and my plant-human servants."

"That's my bad!" Zetsu said from the sidelines. "I kinda possessed one of them and pretended we were the same being with two personalities. It kinda stuck."

Kaguya just huffed. "Figures. And for your information, if I was on my right mind I'd have just drained them of their chakra, or at least their ability to mould it, and let them go… the… white zetsu… fate is just for those that try to kill me and mine. …specially when they succeed…"

Naruto blinked at that. "That's… much more reasonable than what I expected. I mean, I would still fight you, since all out technology and way of life is dependant on chakra now, but still much more acceptable…. Wait."

His eyes narrowed. "Where did you get a drink strong enough to get you drunk for so long? Even if you couldn't get better while sealed, we fought for a while."

"It was a special mead from this land's main god," Kaguya shrugged. "But that's not the main thing…"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. So she knew his previous incarnation?

"I… kinda… atetheGodTree."

"…What?" Naruto asked, eyes wide. "Why? What could you make you think that was a good idea?"

He then blinked. Wasn't that basically the same as sealing the Ten-Tails inside herself? Something Madara and Obito tried to do?

"Was it Black Zetsu again?"

"No, Black Zetsu was created later… Well, how can I say it… You kinda have to see it to understand."

She then offered her clenched fist.

Naruto looked at her, surprised.

"Well?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "I believe you know what to do."

Naruto was wary, but nodded and fist-bumped her.

IIIII

"Oh, but it was not enough for them to kill someone that wouldn't hurt a fly, oh no!" The older man complained. His skin was darker than Naruto's, but was still lighter than Killer B's. His hair was white as if emanating a silver light, just like Kaguya's. Besides the hair, he seemed like in the middle ground of… everything he knew about human appearance. He was sure any female he knew would consider his looks "perfect" though. Naruto just couldn't see his eyes, it was as if some white flame was escaping from the sockets and blocking his view.

"And to make matters worse, they crucify him. Among criminals. Like if he was one. And I can't do anything, because his last request was for me to _forgive them_!" The man raged, before drinking his tankard in one go.

Naruto's eyes widened. So, _this_ was how the previous God of the Bible looked like?

"Well, what can you do?" Kaguya shrugged at his side, drinking much slower, but her blushing face making clear she was already a bit tipsy. "I'm having troubles of my own protecting that stupid tree."

"I know, I know. I'd usually throw so much at them they'd be ruined for decades to come, I did worse for less, but… Yeshua would never forgive me."

"He's still alive?" Kaguya asked. "I thought the problem was that he died."

"He is my son, I wouldn't let him die that easily. The problem is that _they killed him_ , or as close as it possibly could get. And he is too kind to be angry, and wouldn't let me take it out on them."

Kaguya nodded. "Too bad you can't combine your minds or something. Can you imagine it, him punishing those that do evil but not as much as you do, and you actually being able to hold back your temper?"

God said nothing.

"Do you think that'd work?"

Kaguya shrugged… then his words sunk it. "Wait, are you serious? Combining you two into one being?"

God shrugged, and stood up. "Well, I need to talk to Yeshua first, you know how I swore to the humans that Free Will stuff, and he is very proud of me for that. As much good as it did."

Kaguya nodded… and her face alightened. "Wait… if he can merge with his son, why can't I eat that overgrown weed?"

IIIII

"That was a bad idea," Kaguya finished. "I was still pretty drunk, and the tree was already a huge source of power. It kinda made me drunk forever because I was drunk when I absorbed it."

"Uhm, how does this work?"

"No idea," Kaguya shrugged. "I just absorbed it, something completely stupid now that I think about it, and the energy kept healing me, including keeping me intoxicated."

At this point they already stopped sending punches at each other. Naruto wanted to know more, and Kaguya seemed to want to get it out of her chest.

"So there was I, roaring drunk, with more power than my mind could take, and my children doing something stupid in teaching humans to use Chakra. So… I kinda of flipped and turned into a giant monster."

Naruto nodded at that. He _did_ flip and became a monster whenever he got angry enough to go four-tails before dealing with that and befriending Kurama. "And then they defeated you, sealed your transformed body in the moon, sealed your chakra inside Hagoromo-jiichan, and then he split it into nine other beings."

Kaguya shrugged. "I guess."

"But…" Naruto asked. "That vision made it seem like you were _already_ trying to do something with the tree… why?"

Kaguya sat down in the air, while Naruto crossed his legs.

"I'm not the only Otsutsuki. If you recall, I am from another world. There are many with powers in my world, even if not as much as me. Well, unlike me, they wanted more. And they'd find me, and the tree, sooner or later.  
And to make matters worse, humans wanted power like I got. So I had to hide it from both you humans and from my own kind."

"Well… that… sounds reasonable…"

"Yeah, the reason was reasonable, but the idea sucked. I almost lost my mind with so much power, and even so was still roaring drunk all the time."

"So… you are saying you are not at fault for all that happened?"

"Oh, I am… kinda. I was so drunk, and so angry at being defeated, I used all that power to create Zetsu.  
Who did all the bad things to free me.  
So… yeah."

Naruto nodded. "I notice you and Zetsu don't get along…"

Kaguya shrugged. "Do you know that voice that tells you when you are drunk that you are the best and should definitely try and kick the ass of that guy dancing with the cute girl to show off even though he is stronger than you? Zetsu is that voice… that won't shut up even when you're sober… and as far as I know is indestructible since I used too much power to create it…"

"So… you can't just unmake it?"

"Hah! As if my mother had any desire to—"

"The deluded fool is still annoying me, isn't he?"

Naruto had to nod at that.

"So… since he is a bit of you, can't you just… absorb it back?"

Kaguya shivered, an expression of clear disgust in her face.

Naruto nodded at that. "Point taken."

He then remembered something. "You know, you _did_ try to kill me earlier…"

"No, I threw you a spike. Besides, I was ready to blunt it as soon as it got near enough you to just knock you out. I remember you surviving worse."

"A spike to the neck! From behind while I was distracted!"

She shrugged. "That you dodged perfectly."

"Not the point, really. The actual point is, you tried to kill me."

"More like hurt a lot, really."

"For _him_ to shut up."

"Her, actually. I mean, the voice is a bit mannish but she is made from a part of me."

"I… don't really care. Still hate them."

Kaguya just nodded at that.

"You _knew_ Zetsu wouldn't shut up just because you attacked me."

"True," Kaguya nodded again. "I guess I was just a bit pissed off at you too for **sealing me up in the moon with just that thing for company** , but I admit I was a bit hasty."

"Would you rather be sealed alone?"

" _ **Yes!**_ "

Naruto thought a bit about that.

"…As long as we admit we are _both_ at fault this time."

Kaguya stared at him.

Then threw a bone spear to his face.

Which Naruto batted away lazily.

"So… I notice you are still a bit angry at me."

"Sealed. With Zetsu."

"You think _you_ had it bad? Kurama was sealed in _me_ since I was an hour old!"

"…That doesn't seem even half as bad!"

"Well, I don't know how I am nowadays, but remembering the past I used to be—"

" **Now!** " yelled Zetsu, jumping on top of Naruto.

Next thing Naruto could see, the world was a mass of black ink.

IIIII

"Not safe. _Not safe_. That means I don't even need to do anything! I just need to stay here and stop you from looking for him!"

Kokabiel rose in the air, laughing histerically.

"That's doing something," Issei pointed out.

Everyone looked at him.

"What? It is!"

Kokabiel said nothing… instead creating dozens and more dozens of light spears.

Metatron cursed, and made a shield of light to protect everyone.

Or as good of one as he could do at the time. Kokabiel had a point, he had been without God's power for so long he was severely weakened, and Naruto not having his full powers yet was _not_ helping.

Kokabiel grinned, a nasty one that whoever saw it would never guess he had once been an actual angel.

More and more angels appeared around him. Fallen all of them. Much weaker than him, but all loyal, all creating spears. If they could not help with quality, they'd help with quantity.

Kokabiel lifted his hand, his smile expanding… and he moved his hand forward, signaling the start of the attack—

" **GET IF OFF! GET IT OFF!** "

And then a mass of black came barreling into the spears, followed by a floating woman made of silver energy.

" **DIE! DIE! DIE FOR MY MOTHER!** " said a second voice from the same blob of black.

"Stop drop and roll!" The woman said.

The mass of black fell to the ground and started rolling around.

It didn't seem to do much.

"Stay still and shut up so I can strangle you properly!" said a voice from the blob.

"Oh, ok," another answered… and everyone that recognized Naruto's voice froze.

What the—

And then the blob exploded, showering everyone around in it.

The silver woman slowly floated down. "What just happened?" she asked.

Everyone else wanted to know too.

Naruto shrugged. "I used my Sage training to ignore whatever Zetsu was trying to do and released as condensed a burst of Chakra as I could."

"What the fuck is going on here?" Kokabiel asked, roaring in anger.

Then his eyes widened. That face, that voice… they were the same ones Metatron was using.

His Father's reincarnation looked at him in the eye, glaring at him. He looked back, his smile widening. So _this_ was his reincarnation? The one whose defeat would give a blow to Heaven the likes of which they'd _never_ recover again?

He barely felt stronger than one of those Devils in the ground. Admitedly the stronger ones, but still weak compared to him.

"Who's the ugly?"

Kokabiel's eye twitched, and a spear was launched at high speed towards his "new Father".

The boy barely had time to lift his eyebrow before his spear… broke… apart… on impact…

"What?" Kokabiel said in confusion. "But… he… he is so weak… and yet…"

And then he felt it.

At first, the young man looked like nothing for him. A bit of an idiot, a bit powerful but not even in his league.

And then he got _glared_.

It felt like he was being pressed from all sides, an oppressive feeling like he was being killed ten times over. And effortlessly at that.

And then it was gone, just as quickly as it appeared.

He took a deep breath. Then another. An illusion. For a second, the boy felt like he grew in power to the point of dwarfing him, but now he felt like nothing once more.

He lifted his hand again, and the boy made a weird hand gesture.

The next second, his light spears shattered.

His followers' light spears shattered.

And judging from how they were falling from the sky, _his followers_ shattered.

He blinked and looked upwards.

Dozens of copies of the blond, each emanating an aura of power much stronger than his own, were hovering where his forces once were.

His eyes looked back to the original blond.

The blond who now had an aura of power that dwarfed some factions' gods.

"So… who are you again?"

IIIII

Koneko shivered. It was a surprise when the blond mentioned Sage training, but he couldn't mean Senjutsu, could he?

Then he transformed. And she shivered again.

She feared Senjutsu. She feared how someone using it would lose control, would go insane and violent and lose sight of who is friend or foe.

Just like _she_ did.

Naruto… didn't seem to be using Senjutsu. Yet she could identify that energy he was emanating. It _was_ Senjutsu. It was so much Senjutsu she was trembling in fear of so much energy being gathered in one person being possible.

Only one thing turned some of that fear into confusion…

Naruto was not turning into a fearsome beast of violence and instincts.

He seemed… more himself with Senjutsu than he ever was before.

"This is _true_ Senjutsu mastery," a voice said behind her. "Not whatever it is you fear."

She turned around, surprised. It… looked like another Naruto, but the voice was of Kurama.

"I noticed you had a small spark of fear when he mentioned Sage training, and yet again when he _actually_ used it. I… didn't use to like him needing it, but I have to admit… he has a mastery of it not many would ever have."

Koneko thought about it. He had mastery over it. That means… "So he doesn't lose control for it?"

The… Naruto-Kurama? shook his head. "There is no control to gain or lose. Not for him. To use senjutsu is to merge yourself with Nature. To try and force Nature, to try and force control, is to let _your_ darker nature, your selfish, controlling parts, take over both. And at that point, your darkness is taking over you.

No, his problem was never about controlling himself around _Nature_ …"

That…

Koneko had no idea what to say… If Naruto had such control over Nature… or rather, was able to _share_ himself with Nature to such a point… Then maybe…

Maybe he could help her avoid the fate of her sister…

IIIII

"Hehehe… hahaha… HAHAHAHAHA!" Kokabiel laughed. "So, it is true. _You_ are back! Let me show you… how much I've progressed. How much I grew. How much I _outgrew YOU_!"

"…No thanks."

Kokabiel's eyes hardened, but his smirk did not diminish at all. "You do not…"

His hand clenched, and a lightspear appeared in it. And it grew. In size, in power, in energy. It grew to the point it dwarfed even his previous dozens of spears by itself.

"…have a choice!" he yelled, throwing the spear at Naruto, at the reincarnation of his Father, at the last thing in the way of his victory over Heaven in his eyes.

And then one of the black spheres that rotated behind Naruto, as naturally as he had wings Kokabiel barely noticed them, hit his spear.

No, not hit. It destroyed it.

No, not that either. Not destroyed.

It denied its very existence. Kokabiel had no way to compare, but he just _knew_. If that sphere touched the Power of Destruction of the Bael Clan, even of the current Lucifer… the Destruction itself would be denied.

Kokabiel did not notice he had flown downwards until his knees fell to the ground.

"Do you give up?"

The question hit Kokabiel like a ton of bricks. He had no chance.

But he couldn't give up. Not now.

His eyes hardened, his teeth grated. He would fight him. He would _win_!

His Father, God, tsc'd at him.

God turned his back on him once again. He wasn't worthy of His attention.

He… He… HE!

Kokabiel put all his speed, all his remaining energy, into one last attack.

He noticed a magic circle in front of him, but he did not care. He stabbed with the spear, aiming for God's heart.

The magic circle shone as the spear hit it, and Kokabiel was hit, and knocked out, by his own attack.

IIIII

 **Devil magic?**

The words came from Metatron, but could have come from anyone else.

Everyone looked surprised as the magic circle faded. Everyone but the silver woman, who was now back more modern clothes and a form that didn't seem to be made of pure power.

"Well, what else would I learn?" Naruto countered. "You taught me nothing, and using the marks Old Man Sage gave me were being harder than I thought. From the books Akeno-chan lent me all I need for Devil Magic is imagination and I can do almost anything, and I'm a master prankster."

Sona's eyes widened. He… was a master prankster. He wanted her to be his apprentice.  
He _knew_ Devil Magic was based on imagination, and saw more uses for it than anyone else… and considered her worthy enough to learn from him.

The weight of the words only now reached her.

"Well, it has been fun," Freed Sellzen couldn't resist saying, even though he _knew_ he had more chances to escape if he shut up. "But I think it is time for me to leave now."

He then activated the Fused Excalibur's Transparency… and was promptly kicked back by yet another Naruto.

"I'll take this, thank you very much," the Naruto said, and promptly karate-chopped the sword back into the blades that once formed it.

No one had words to say to that.

"…can I go now?" Freed asked, before being karate-chopped into unconsciousness by Dohnaseek.

That shut up everyone for a bit.

"So…" Raynare started, "that answers some questions… and opens so many more…"

"Well, if you guys are done, can any of you give me some change so I can try the claw game some more?"

"Uh?" Issei said, looking at the older woman in confusion. "Uhm, sure, here you go."

"Thank you," Kaguya said, and left.

"Wait Mother! Don't leave me behind!"

…

…

"Please tell me you guys won't act with me like Zetsu does to Kaguya."

The three female fallen laughed nervously at that.

"That wasn't reassuring," Naruto said with a sigh. "Well… I think that's that. Let's go home, everyo—please tell me the two nuns are _not_ the reason I'm feeling like my legs are running out of blood circulation…"

 **Sure. The two nuns are not the reason your legs are running out of blood circulation.**

Metatron then pointed to Irina, who waved at him shyly.

Naruto sighed and looked down. "Xenov— ugh!"

The blue-haired girl's eyes shone.

"…That's… not the reaction I expected from you of all people…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…anyone help?"

Everyone else just laughed at him.

"Seriously, why are you laughing like the end of a comedy series episode? _Help me!_ "

IIIII

 **So, as mentioned before, I had action scenes planned.**

 **The whole Kaguya story** _ **was**_ **planned to be this, but would be told mid- battle. So, if you guys don't like it… eh, sorry but that was the plan all along.**

 **Metatron and Kokabiel would also have a fight. Which would be interrupted midway by Kaguya and Naruto landing mid-battle.**

 **The whole "Naruto learns demon magic" would be shown** _ **then**_ **. Naruto would create floors and walls with demonic magic circles and do the Greninja Final Smash on her.**

 **Then Kokabiel would be sent a Kurama-powered Dohnaseek to fight. For no reason than I thought it would be cool.**

 **As you guys can see, my inability to properly imagine and describe the action sequences to my likeness is both what made this episode late and what took from you the action I promised…**

 **To this all I can say is "sorry". For the loss of awesomeness and for the wait.**


	7. Revelation Repercussions

**Sorry for the long wait. I hyperfocus on things, and I was working on making a game to sell.**

 **Ok, I'd like to say two things… if you got here. I'd like to talk about those still in the "Kaguya OP vs UP" discussion, but they probably didn't read until here… if you did, you'll have noticed I admitted I underestimated her. Don't think she is as powerful as people believe, but that is a moot point right now in the story. Her loss of power was explained. Moving on.**

 **One, people who get to the last chapter just to say that the story sucks… I empathize with you. I have the urge to complete reading what I start, even if I am hating it.  
That said, just saying "it sucks" doesn't help make it better.**

 **And two, people that comment on spelling and grammar errors… thank you. I admit that I am not the best in English, so I kinda** _ **think**_ **the spellcheck is working properly, when sometimes it clearly isn't. My writing is very stream-of-consciousness so I can't make myself burden someone asking them to beta for me, either.  
That said, I'd appreciate if you guys told me examples of what I'm writing wrong so I can learn and avoid making the same mistake again later.**

 **This chapter starts kinda dark, but the people involved are not the best either. And they** _ **do**_ **have to be addressed sooner or later. I had plans for dealing with them later, but then noticed… it didn't make much sense to Naruto to wait any longer.**

 **EDIT (03/09): minor fixes suggested by Fuyuriku.**

IIIII

Diodora Astaroth released his breath slowly once again, getting away as slowly as he could.

That human… he was God of the Bible reincarnated!

And he had possession of his prize.

His anger grew as he felt safer away from the group. He went through all that work to trick the nun to heal him, just to be foiled in his attempts to bring him into his peerage again and again. First the Fallen recruit her, but he can maybe convince her to leave them… oh wait, they planned to sacrifice her. He just had to be there to save her and recover her Sacred Gear.

Then the Gremory Pawn had to befriend her and go save her… which was one thing. He could negotiate with her. Would be expensive, but she would be his.  
But then a human had to save her. A human backed by a high-echelon angel, to make it worse, meaning she had hope of returning to the church.

And now he finds out that that human is no human, but the God of the Bible. And unless he was killed again, Asia would stay with him now…

But if he killed God in front of her maybe that'd be enough to break her like he enjoyed?

"Yes, killing him while he is still a weak human. That's perfect. Now, how to do it?"

"Maybe I can help."

That voice! Diodora quickly turned around, only to be grabbed and lifted by his face.

"Fun fact," the Naruto clone holding him said in a way that in no way made it sound "fun", "I was aware of your presence since the first day I arrived here. Kurama allows me to feel dark emotions, meaning I've been aware of your bad intentions since then too."

Diodora couldn't move. Couldn't use magic. There was magic holding him still. It was not just an extremely powerful devil magic, but it was being used by the God of the Bible, whose power was anthitesis to them, so even giving his all he could not break it.

"So I was watching out for you… and right now? Your dark emotions hit a _huge_ height. And something tells me it wasn't just anger at me being the leader of your kind's enemies."

Diodora's neck was twisted around painfully, and he could see now that his peerage was in the same condition as him. But there was something in their eyes. Something he thought he had broken completely.

Hope.

"So I decided it was better to act now. Can't let you spread the word to those of your ilk too soon. And what do I find when I arrive? Your peerage, their eyes tell me _all_ I need to know about if I should leave you alive."

The Naruto in front of him started forming something in his hand. "Your peerage will stay with me from now on. I don't care what happened to them, they are now under my protection.  
And you… any last words?"

"I-I'm the heir of Astharoth!"

"Well, hopefully the next heir is better overall."

"A-And the only brother of one of the Four Satans!"

"Sucks for your sibling."

"You'll be starting a war, and for what? A couple broken nuns? Let me go and I'll pretend this never happened."

Naruto's smile faded. The thing in his hand faded as well.

Astharoth gave a satisfied smirk.

"There are a few things you are assuming about this situation that are wrong."

Diodora's eyebrow raised, but his smirk stayed.

"Number one, you are assuming I'll leave enough of you for people to recognize it came from you and wage a war over."

Diodora's face slackened.

"Number two, you are assuming that I wasn't ready to wage war against anyone that thinks your actions are acceptable."

"They are just a couple of nuns, it's not like—"

"Number three, you are assuming I am not stubborn enough to fight all three factions for what I believe is right, even if it is just for one person.  
Exodus 34: 6 and 7 makes it clear that even in my old life, while I had plenty of patience, I am a _**very**_ unforgiving person to those that go past the limits of it. And You already did. To someone who is _mine_ , to make matters worse for you, and as the same chapter says on 14, I am _very_ protective of what I consider mine."

The thing in the blond's hand reformed, now screeching more lethally than ever.

"And assumption number four, you are assuming you will be able to 'make me pay' after surviving. Of course, number five is that you'll survive."

Diodora's eyes widened. He wasted no time using his secret trump card, filling himself with as much of the power of the Dragon of Infinity as he had available.

The magic around him broke, just like all the nuns broke before him before. The "god" was thrown backward. So, this was all he had? Haha, that would be much easier than he had thought!

Then his world exploded in pain, a fist imbedded in his gut at high speed.

"That… was a stupid thing to do," Naruto said. "I was just going to destroy your head, a quick and more merciful death than you deserve."

Diodora was launched at a tree, strong enough to uproot it. And then he heard a **loud** screeching noise. The bastard blond was holding a giant sphere with rotating blades.

That was launched at him faster than even the boost in power allowed him to evade.

"Aaah! Argh."

"You're still alive?" Naruto asked, surprised, as black energy cracked around Diadora's body, trying its best to reattach his lower half and fix the cellular damage of the Rasenshuriken. "You are even more like a vermin than I thought."

Then he started throwing a small black sphere up and down.

"Luckily, the original lent me a little something for someone stubborn like you…"

"You fool!" Diadora yelled, in a mix of pained grunt and laughter. "I am blessed with the power of Ophis! I am invincible, not even _you_ can kill me."

"Oh, I doubt it," the clone shrugged. "But just in case that is true, I can just seal you somehere safe and take my time torturing you with trying new ways."

Diadora's eyes widened. If what he was saying was true…

Fighting the pain, he jumped forward at full speed, willing to do his best to erase this man, this God, this _danger for him_ from existence.

So focused he was, he ignored the small rubber sphere piercing his stomach, not noticing that instead of going through it started growing, and growing…

He dropped to the ground, his legs not connected to his body anymore. The dark energy kept trying to heal both sides, but the sphere blocked it.

Diadora started crawling, yelling for his life. The Naruto there only watched. While he did not like killing, he had concluded that this… _person_ , if he deserved to be called that, would not repent, and would not deserve to live anymore. His continued existence would only endanger everyone else.

The sphere had expanded quickly, covering a panicking Diadora whole before he reached the Naruto clone…

And he was no more.

"…Huh." The clone looked at the Truth-Seeking Ball that just erased Diodora's existence. Wrapped around it, a snake made of pure magical energy looked at him.

Curious, he coaxed it into a scroll for studying it later.

"Right…" he said, and cracked his neck. "Now ladies, hope you are ready to go back to work, the church is this way."

The late Diodora's peerage followed him wordlessly, but their faces now help something else they had thought lost forever…

Happiness.

Naruto looked at them with sadness. He held back as much as he could to _just_ erase Diodora from existence. He deserved to suffer more, like he made those suffer for his sick pleasure.  
But… that would be a step in a road that could make them be similar, and as much as Naruto doubted he'd ever get even close to that even the thought of it made him sick.

Extra sick, since he just killed someone. He couldn't remember anyone _he_ had killed… Kakuzu was the closest, and he was able to survive enough for Kakashi-sensei to finish him off.

But… Diodora Astaroth was scum of a kind he couldn't afford to let live.

"Good riddance, I guess."

Looking up, he looked at the white armored being that he had noticed watching. The being had a bit of battlelust, but that was all. He looked at the Naruto clone and gave him a nod of acknowledgement, then turned to the group guarding the two prisoners and where the original was, and quietly approached them.

IIIII

"Let me get things straight," rumbled the calm voice of Gyuuki, the octopus-like Ushi-Oni. "So, from what Kaguya herself said, the only reason she did everything she did was because—"

"She got tanked!" intuerrupted Shukaku. "I think we can give her a pass in this."

"You would," countered Son Goku, "unlike me you could never hold yourself well when drunk."

"Oh, someone here wants a drinking competition to help eat their words!"

"…let's just ignore them," said Isobu.

Everyone nodded at that.

"The only reason, being drunk making her think absorbing the whole tree was a good idea, is because she feared _other_ Otsutsuki would come for it…"

"Or humans," added Choumei, zapping around non-stop.

"Those are troublesome thoughts," Kokuo said. "Now that humans know of the danger they'll probably be on watch about this, but the thought of another race invading for us…"

"Call uncle! Call uncle!"

"Don't put uncle Hamura in this!"

Everyone ignored the two arguing.

"But at least now we are aware of the danger," added Matatabi, not bothering to stand up. "Not much more we can do."

"We can make plans," Gyuuki said.

"Meh, I'll leave that for you and Kurama. You're both the brains of the family, as much as Ku is too lazy to use his."

"Don't call me Ku!" Kurama bristled.

"Funny how _that_ is what he takes offense in," said Saiken to Kokuo.

"Isn't it?"

Meanwhile the two arguying ones got to a consensus.

"I-I just want to say that I love you man. You're like my brother."

"You're like my brother too, Shukaku. Like the younger, annoying brother I'd love to have."

That confused Naruto. "I thought you guys already were siblings."

"We are. You know how drunk people are."

"…"

"…"

"Are… are they drunk out of _thinking_ of being drunk?" Naruto finally asked.

Kurama blinked at that, and looked at the two. "It's… the atmosphere?"

"We are at the astral plane, or however this is called, not in a bar," Naruto countered. "…are you guys _actually_ able to drink in here?"

"…oh look at the time, you'll have to wake up soon!"

"That's a yes, isn't it?"

"No, it's not a yes… it's a… uhm…"

"Which is a yes."

"…kinda?"

Naruto crossed his arms.

"Look, it gets kinda boring sometimes."

"…"

"And it's not like we are around people who would get hurt anymore."

"…"

"And you don't like drinking much so I thought you wouldn't mind not coming."

"But man, I'm missing all the fun!"

"Your _fun_ would make Matatabi become pink and green… somehow."

"I wouldn't mind much if he taught me," Matatabi said. "I think it could be fun to change colors from time to time."

"Alright, alright, then anyone against inviting Naruto next time?"

"He punched me in the forehead once! Made me be sealed again!"

"You were trying to kill me at the time, Shukaku! Also it kinda was Gaara, and a headbutt."

"Details!"

"Oh, oh, I want to see that! I want to see Shukaku losing to a human!"

"It wasn't that fun, he had a giant toad that turned into me on his side," Kurama said.

"Motion passes!" Gyuuki finished. "And now, Naruto needs to wake up, I can hear the door being knocked on from here!"

"Ok. Bye then guys!"

"Maybe red with yellow highlights…"

"That's just normal fire!"

IIIII

Indeed someone was knocking on the door. And by the sound of the conversation, it was more than one person.

On one hand, Naruto wanted to open it and see what it was. On the other, he had a bad, _really_ bad feeling about it…

And then there was a knock again… and Naruto noticed now that it wasn't on the door, but on the window.

"You would not like opening the door right now," he heard his own voice say. "While they aren't exactly like in your academy, they are kinda starstruck right now."

Naruto turned to the window. Floating out of it was Enoch, without his Metatron uniform (Naruto knew it was a second name and not a title, but he still had trouble not thinking of it as an in and out of service ANBU callsign) and instead wearing white t-shirt and what he was told was called Hawaiian shorts, and Dohnaseek wearing a black shirt and pants.

"So we came to take you to some morning training," Dohnaseek continued.

"I'd like to say it has nothing to do with Shidou maybe letting us eat our own choice of food afterwards." Enoch added.

"Nothing?" Naruto asked, a bit skeptical.

"Definitelly not nothing, but I _would_ like to say it was."

Naruto laughed, and jumped the window.

IIIII

"I still say a, English breakfast is the best option," argued Raynare.

"It is too much," countered Mittelt. "I think just a simple Italian one should be good for him."

"That's just a milky coffee and a pastry! You know how much he eats, that'd never last him the day!"

"Isn't his culture closer to Japanese?" Asia asked. "He'd be used to Japanese breakfasts then…"

Irina nodded at that. All three raised good points.

"I still don't see why we can't just give him noodles for breakfast. He _likes_ that!"

"Because it's not good for him, Kalawarner," Irina said again, rolling her eyes.

"Tell _him_ that," Kalawarner huffed.

"I will."

"She will. She did it to Metatron," confirmed Xenovia at the door.

"…What are you doing?"

"I'm unlocking the door."

"Isn't that breach of his privacy?" Asia asked, uncomfortable.

"We are surprising him with breakfasts in bed. If we had him get up to open the door it would be counter-productive."

Before anyone else could say anything, the door unlocked and slid open.

The only movement inside the room was the window's curtains in the wind.

Window that the six girls ran towards, the two exorcists the fastest due to their constant training…

…which resulted in them being hit from behind by the others and pushed outside.

Luckily for them, they were trained enough not to be hurt much from falling like that from just one floor, and there was Asia there to help heal their wounds.

IIIII

Vali woke up to the sound of a spar outside his window.

It had surprised him, being in front of God, even if just him reincarnation, and… there being no problem. After all, he was descendant of the original Lucifer, and raised by the leader of the Fallen Angels.

Naruto saw no problem with that. He actually judged him more by what he did than for who he was born or raised by.

Shaking his head, he looked out the window. Just in time to see two female bodies fall from it.

He blinked. It was too soon to deal with this. "Wonder if they got ramen?"

He then shivered, feeling like something just then started observing him, judging him. "…what was that?"

IIIII

The… not-yet-reinstated… devil… nuns watched as Naruto sparred against both Metatron and a Fallen Angel.

It was mesmerizing for them, like watching a martial arts movie. Naruto simply flowed between attacks as if they were being done in slow motion, rarely blocking, most of the time redirecting them to the other attacker instead. Even after bodies fell from the church, when he froze and looked at the window with a serious look, he would evade his attackers easily. It was clear that Naruto was experienced with being surrounded by attackers during a fight.

And considering that Metatron was using a lance of light and the fallen two swords of the same, while Naruto himself wasn't using anything but light clothing he clearly slept in…

That resulted in a blushing group of ex-nuns, including Asia, blushing Fallen Angels, and one blushing still-nun.

The other nun was jumping into the fray, Excalibur Destruction singing as it crossed the air and missed Naruto.

Naruto himself smiled, jumping away quickly, leaving the three opponents together in their place, wondering briefly if that was how Kakashi-sensei felt when his team was doing the bell test.

Eh, probably not. His team was a bunch of brats at the time, while Metatron and Dohnaseek were already war veterans and Xenovia was trained to fight in synch with Irina.

IIIII

Xenovia let herself fall into her chair, not even noticing as her sparing teammates did the same in the other chairs.

God… Naruto… he was a battle monster. He avoided her attacks like if they were nothing, and the same with the other two even as they coordinated their best. And it wasn't power, she could feel he wasn't even using his powers in that. It was pure, trained, battle skill.

She had asked out loud how he was so fast. Metatron had answered in a spare breath that he was a ninja. And she had thought ninjas being so skilled were pop culture jokes…

She wasn't even paying attention to what she was eating, as tired as she was, and considering Metatron wasn't complaining Irina was forbidding him of eating pizza she guessed the other two were in the same mechanical state.

IIIII

Naruto… was eating a bowl of cereal with milk.

While he'd enjoy eating ramen, he now knew eating it all the time wasn't healthy… it was still his favorite food though.

He noticed the devils he had brought the previous day were acting a bit skittish… but considering how he imagined they had been treated, for years probably, he had to resist the urge to sigh.

They still hadn't opened up to him, following his lead more of a sense of duty than anything else, but hopefully they would to the other girls.

He had explained to them what had happened already, as soon as the _other_ devils left. As much as he would fight for them if it came to it, he'd rather avoid starting a was _right then_.

With the exception of Vali, everyone there was now part of his group.

Speaking of Vali, the guy was staring him in a way that gave him a few shivers in his spine.

"So…" he began—

"Fight me!"

Naruto sighed. "You should have asked _before_ breakfast. Now we need some time for digestion."

"Oh," Vali said, disappointment clear in his voice. "But… can we fight later? What about the afternoon?"

Naruto shrugged. "As long as we don't take too long. We make ramen to share with people at night."

Vali's eyes shined. "Really?"

"Yeah… When I was young I didn't have much food, so some people from a ramen stand used to give me some. I guess I'm trying to spread the goodwill or something. Even today I still eat instant ramen from time to time. It is not as good as the one they made, but…"

"When I was young, my mother didn't have much food to give me, so she used to feed me things like instant ramen. Even after being able to eat other foods nowadays, ramen will always have a special place in my heart."

The two men looked at each other eyes and nodded. And everyone else there could feel… that small conversation had forged a bond between them.

A bond forged in ramen…

"That explains the bathtub…"

No one else made any sense of what Metatron muttered.

"So… what are your plans for now?" Naruto asked.

"That's a good question. I was ordered to bring Kokabiel back so he could suffer imprisonment in the Cocytus like other traitors, but him saying you are God…"

"While some Fallen would be overjoyed with your return, like present company, others would take it as an excuse to restart the war," Metatron added his two cents.

"I was thinking of keeping him imprisoned together with that stray exorcist guy until I was able to give them a proper punishment. No idea what I'd do for the other guy, but turning Kokabiel into a normal human would probably be enough for him…  
Speaking of it, when will I be able to do it?" Naruto asked, turning to Metatron.

Who sighed.

"I guess there is no more time to move at Michael's pace. I guess I can move my summon to an emergency one to talk about this."

"Well," Vali said, "I can say that I was late and he was already captured, and the guy that had defeated him promised me a fight if I didn't try to 'rescue' him. I checked and he isn't being treated worse than any other prisoner, so Azazel shouldn't have much of a problem besides chewing my ear a bit about trading the prisoner for a fight.

He also won't try to bring up much trouble since he is trying to start an actual peace treaty between the Three Factions. Causing an incident goes against his plans."

"Don't bother," interrupted Kurama. "Even let him take the guy if you want, one less problem to deal with."

Everyone turned to him, who was now turned into a human-sized version of his true form.

"You are forgetting the Devils that were there. They are related to the leaders of their faction, and even if they were stunned at the time, they probably already contacted their relatives about it."

"Ah, right," Naruto agreed. He turned to Metatron. "Better call them soon then."

Metatron just nodded.

IIIII

"Seriously, if I go out with him, does that make me a nun?"

"Rias? Rias!" Sona called again. "Would you stop stalling? We _still_ didn't talk about what we came here for."

"But this is important, Sona! I mean, _can_ a devil be a nun?"

Sona rubbed her forehead, resisting the urge to make it acquaintanced with the table. "Your crush on Uzumaki aside, we just found out he is the reincarnation of the God of the Bible."

"Through him doing a fair impression of Accelerator. Using Devil-style magic," Rias pointed out. "And he spent a while trying to get you as an apprentice in pranking. I don't know about the rest of our kind, but I'm pretty sure _we_ are in the clear."

"The problem is exactly that, though. What do we do with the information? I am not sure if you are aware, but as much as we dislike our siblings'…. protectiveness, they are kinda important for us."

"I know, I know…" Rias said, scratching her head. "But let us be honest, he didn't stop us leaving, even though we already had the info. Didn't even ask for silence. That means that he already expects us to have told them, and probably expect us to be liaisons between them and him in talks."

"So, you are saying I am overthinking this?"

"Is there a moment you don't?" Rias joked.

Sona sighed. While she considered herself smart, and was considered by others a genius, that came with the problem of overanalyzing things.

"So, we just tell them that we found out a classmate is the reincarnation of the God of the Bible, but he seems to have taken a liking to us so they don't need to worry about our safety?"

"Well, they'll worry anyway, but this way we avoid giving them an excuse to do anything stupid."

Sona just raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not saying they won't, just that they can't blame us."

Sona gave up to the urge.

Rias just winced in sympathy.

IIIII

"You are saying that, according to both Kokabiel and _Metatron_ , Father is reborn."

"Yup," Vali said, enjoying his cup ramen.

"And you… challenged him to fight you. Father. God of the Bible."

"His reincarnation, but yeah."

"And that's why you are all beaten up."

"It was glorious," Vali said, eyes shining.

"Well… I guess I have even more reasons for that Peace Conference now…"

IIIII

"Gabriel, could you get the message for me?" Michael asked… and then sighed and Gabriel did not stand up, but controlled her whip as a kind of tentacle using her energy to wrap around and deliver his phone to him.

"Seriously, what is happening to you?" he asked. "I can see you are giddy with this new energy manipulation of yours, but I haven't seen you acting like a young child like this since Father was alive." Not that Michael had reasons to complain, Gabriel had gone from the happiest child to a calm but a bit melancholic voice of reason… Whatever she was so happy about couldn't be bad, but the curiosity was killing him."

"I have no idea, really," Gabriel admitted, a bit sad. "I just… feel like a part of me I thought lost was back… I mean… …are you listening to me?"

"Oh, I am. I also figured out what part of you it is. You were always the one of us with the better connection…"

Before Gabriel could ask him what was wrong, Michael turned his phone to her, making Metatron's message clear.

 _Right now the other Factions should already know about him, so stop delaying it, get your ass here and come help me protect Father's reincarnation!_

Heaven wasn't filled with happiness like that for a _long_ time.

But, as Metatron suspected, not everyone shared it…

But that is a story for another day.

IIIII

"So, apparently our sisters are sharing the school with the reincarnation of the God of the Bible," said Serafall.

"Yes," said Sirzechs, looking at his sister's message numbly.

"And he offered to teach my sister how to _play pranks_."

"Good for her."

"Apparently he used _Devil_ -style magic too to defeat an attacking Fallen Angel and helped protect our sisters."

"Great."

Serafall blinked at that. "Ok… what's wrong? The _God of the Bible_ , even if just the reincarnation, used Devil-style magic to protect our siblings. I know it is hard to understand what is going on, but—"

"Rias apparently thinks he is 'delicious' and now wants to become a nun."

Serafall looked at Sirzech's face… and started laughing.

IIIII

 **So, yeah, small chapter, just closing some hanging plot threads so I can advance properly next one. Hopefully now that I got inspiration for it it'll flow better.**

 **I know killing Diadora could cause problems in the future, but I can't help it. He had been stalking Asia for a while in canon, so he would have been there, and Naruto kinda could detect him through his negative emotions. And after seeing what he did to his peerage, I doubt even canon Naruto would have let him live much longer.**

 **So, you guys may have noticed I mentioned a duel between Naruto and Vali. But I didn't show it.**

 **That's because I thought putting it there would break pacing, or as much of it as this chapter had.**

 **So have it as an omake!**

IIIII

Vali breathed deeply, preparing himself.

Naruto seemed relaxed, but he had seen him training. That relaxed state could change into a battle stance in the blink of an eye.

So, as soon as the leaf that signified the start began he _lunged_ , filing his body with demonic energy to boost his speed and strength.

Naruto matched his speed and strength in a heartbeat, their fists colliding. Vali relished the pain of the impact, knowing that his opponent was feeling the same thing…

 **Divide.**

Only worse.

Until Naruto effortlessly redirected their fists, entering his guard with a spin, and elbowed him in the gut, grabbing his arm and throwing him over his shoulder to the ground.

But that wasn't what surprised Vali.

He quickly opened his wings and flew away, the wings glowing brighter than ever and exhaling the energy that he had absorbed from his opponent… energy that was threatening to burn him from how potent it was. Yet Naruto seemed to not have noticed that half his energy had been taken.

Quickly, he blocked an attack from a leaping Naruto, resisting the urge of absorbing his energy again – he knew that if he did so before exhaling enough of it first he'd be in trouble. He could _feel_ his arm had been broken by that punch though. After having half his energy absorbed… how strong _was_ this guy?

Well… Vali smiled. Better shift into next gear.

 **Vanishing Dragon Balance Breaker** echoed through the battlefield, as a white dragon-shaped armor covered Vali's form.

"Interesting," Naruto said, looking his new form up and down.

Vali smiled. Considering their previous different in strength, _this_ would be when the battle actually began.

Naruto… didn't seem to appreciate it as much, but he was clearly not able to gauge the difference in power of his Sacred Gear before and after Balance Breaker yet.

Then Vali was drop-kicked in the stomach, his opponent's golden eyes the last thing he saw before his back hit the ground.

Wait, golden?

"Ah right, you can use Senjutsu…"

A snort came from the redhead watching in the sidelines. "Yeah, and Bob Ross can paint."

"Who's Bob Ross?" Naruto asked.

"Oh, you need to watch his show. There is a twitch channel that shows it. He is dead already, but how he makes amazing paintings in just half an hour is just… hypnotic! And the way he speaks, man!"

He was being ignored for a conversation about _painting_? Not on his watch.

Vali flew at top speed in Naruto's direction, preparing to punch his attention back to him… just to barely avoid _him_ being punched.

And being punched down anyway.

What the…

"Was that an invisible energy punch?" he wondered out loud.

"Dude, Senjutsu," was all Naruto said.

"I fought people using Senjutsu before! She didn't do anything like this!"

Naruto just shrugged.

Vali gritted his teeth. He was enjoying the fight, but Naruto seemed to be _playing around_ with him! That was _not_ as enjoyable, at all!

"So… You seem to be about the same toughness as Kakuzu, so I better not use a Rasenshuriken… An Odama Rasengan should be good though."

A _giant_ sphere of pure energy appeared in Naruto's hand… And Vali had no way to tell, but he knew instinctively that being hit by that would be _bad_ for him.

As Naruto _threw_ the sphere at him, Vali knew he had no way of avoiding it unless…

 **Half Dimension!**

His body burned, but he did it. The sphere was half its original size, and thus Vali was able to evade it—

Until Naruto appeared on his side and kicked him _into_ the sphere.

He… was faster than his throw? Seriously, all he was able to see had been an orange blur.

But it was not what he could focus on right then, what with the sphere _grinding his armor and then into his side._

He flew away to gain some distance.  
So, he wanted toughness? He'd show him thoughness!

 **I, who am about to awaken,**

 **Am the Heavenly Dragon who has taken the principles of supremacy from God**

 **I envy the "infinite" and I pursue the "dream"**

 **I shall become the White Dragon of Supremacy**

 **And I shall take you to the limits of white paradise**

"Uhm, what are you doing?" Naruto asked, watching as Vali's armor became even more tough and draconic-looking.

"This is my Juggernaught Drive," Vali answered. "It is the power of the dragon imprisoned in my Divine Dividing, now without any restraint!"

"Wait, so I'm not just fighting you anymore?"

"Albion is sealed within my Sacred Gear that I got during my birth. His power affected me since then. As much as we are separate beings, we are also one and the same during battle."

"Ah… I see…"

"Now, prepare to face our full power!"

"Think I should answer in kind?"

"I'd be offended if you didn't."

"So… are you up to it?"

"Sure," replied… the Bob Ross guy?

The Bob Ross guy then burst into smoke, and Naruto was covered in an orange aura… that grew… and became a transparent energy kaijuu shaped like a nine-tailed fox.

"What… what are you?" Vali asked, his voice trembling in a mix of fear and excitement. He knew now he was going to lose, but man, what a way to go.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and this is Kurama. We were together even before I was born, save for a few minutes. And this is us when we fight together."

" **And let me tell you a secret…"** the energy kaijuu said, **"This is not even our final form…"**

Then the Kaijuu clapped his hands, Vali in the middle.

IIIII

"Ugh… what happened…" Vali slowly opened his eyes, seeing the blond human nun covering him in her Sacred Gear's healing green aura.

"Uhm… Me and Kurama may have overdone it a bit…" he heard the voice of Naruto admit somewhat sheepishly on the side. "But on the other hand, me, Kurama and Asia seem to have healed you well enough you won't be paraplegic from that."

"I got plenty of experience," the redhead said. "But Asia's healing is admittedly better."

"You broke my spine?" Vali's eyes widened.

"Well… yeah, I think so… I mean, we broke almost all the bones under your neck, so it may count…"

Vali looked at Naruto… looked at his hands, that he just checked and could clench… Then at his feet, that he could still move too…

"I think I want to go home now."

"Uhm, I don't think you are completely healed yet."

"Yeah, well, it was a… humbling experience. I'd rather go home with the ache to remind me for now."

"Oh, ok then…"

IIIII

 **I'm now expecting people complaining Vali lost too easily… but this is an end-of-manga Naruto, who could cross countries in minutes to get to the Valey of the End, in base form, between two battles. So default forms, I believe he had the advantage.  
Sage Mode, Vali expected a Kuroka-style battle, but Naruto and Kabuto already had different ways to use Sage Mode in Naruto canon.  
Juggernaught Drive… while it would be a tough opponent for normal Sage Mode Naruto, Naruto's equivalent is their Full Tailed Beast Mode… considering Naruto was escalating only after Vali did…  
And about Naruto resisting Divine Dividing… he didn't. He is just so used to making Shadow Clones, which split his chakra equally, it was just as tiring for him as making one clone. And since even against Kaguya in canon he was using dozens…**

 **So yeah,** _ **I**_ **consider this a fair comparison of their different battle modes for now.**


	8. Visitors arrive

**Ok, first things first, for those that said this story seems a bit too crack-ish… fair enough. It is mostly Naruto unsupervised in DxD right now.**

 **The thing is, now people are aware of who he is, his actions will have consequences… and he is finally going to be able to do some actual leading when he is allowed into Heaven. That is when the less-comedic part of the story starts, and I can already see people complaining on some of my decisions for then. Two of the decisions I expect most controversial is already set in stone…**

 **Them being related to a little maintenance on God's System and Katarea Leviathan's fate.**

 **So, a couple of Naruto-verse visitors this chapter. I have to admit, don't know how long they'll stay, or even how much they'll affect the story yet…**

 **They are here because of my decision to axe Diodora. That action has consequences, one of them I'd rather not gloss over: treatment for Diodora's peerage, especially their mental health. Naruto can be a bit boneheaded sometimes, but not addressing the issue would just be neglectful and could cause problems down the line…**

 **At first it was going to be just one person, but then as I kept writing I noticed it wouldn't make sense. Sending Naruto after he became one of the two strongest beings in the world is one thing, sending another ninja alone, even if accomplished, is a different one.**

IIIII

"So... how are the other angels?" Naruto asked Dohnaseek while slurping on his ramen.

They had gone to buy material for the church's nightly free ramen distribution… well, Naruto was, Dohnaseek was there so _someone_ could keep an eye on him.

The others… well, it was weird finding out their god was with them for about a month, it was another when a higher-up was visiting. While Naruto was technically more important overall, they were still nervous, so Naruto left them cleaning the place.

"Eh, most of them are a bit boring to hang out with, since they are always aiming for that pure goodness, but besides that they are ok. At first your previous incarnation made them all kinds of forms…"

IIIII

Ancient times. A giant wheel of eyes on fire approached a woman who was having trouble carrying her things.

"AAH!"

" **Fear not, I am—ouch, ouch, stop hitting me!"**

IIIII

"That scared people though so they eventually were turned into something more human-shaped. I was created after that time already, so I don't know how it was like."

"Uh, so… I can expect Sai with more convincing smiles?"

"I have no idea who Sai is," Dohnaseek said. "You're becoming a fan of Jojo, right? Think of a whole country of Jonathan Joestars. Only… you know, using spears of Light instead of solar punches. Nice people, but gets boring fast."

"I think Metatron uses solar punches? I could swear I saw him fighting hand to hand once."

"I think he makes gloves and boots of Light. I mean, we've been fighting like this for years, one of our main enemies is weak to them… and the other were ourselves.  
So we never saw a _need_ to develop martial arts.

To be honest, before you came along, not many of us used them for more than spears or lightning…"

Naruto nodded. "I'm a prankster. Imagination, creativity and proper planning are vital for my art."

"Speaking of it, weren't you trying to make that devil girl your pranking apprentice? What happened to that?"

"Well, I'm not sure she'll still be open to the offer now that she found out I'm the boss of their enemies, but maybe after I prove I'm not going to kill her I'll try again."

IIIII

At that moment, there was a knock on the door of the church.

"I'll take it!" Yelled Raynare, running for it, adjusting her new, non-bondage-like clothes.

She reached the door together with Mittelt. "I called first!"

The blond girl opened her mouth to complain, but Raynare took advantage of it to open the door… and promply closed it back again.

IIIII

"So, how was I?"

"Personality-wise or look-wise?"

"Hmm, look-wise. Something tells me most of you guys have a bit of a twisted view of my old personality."

Dohnaseek laughed, but nodded. "You… well, the only way I can describe your skin color is ambiguously brown. It wasn't white, definitely, but it wasn't black, it wasn't middle-eastern… it was brown, but a different brown to any human I've seen. Your hair was white, like a contrast with the skin. Your eyes… I don't remember any of us ever seeing your eyes besides while light from between the eyelids…"

"Hmm…" so, he _really_ was the same guy as in Kaguya's vision earlier…

Then, a sudden thought hit Naruto.

"Hey… do you know if I had a God Tree, like the one Kaguya absorbed?"

Dohnaseek thought about it. "Well, you need to remember that there are many different interpretations for God Trees. In Chinese legends there are already the Queen Mother's Peaches of Immortality and the Man-fruit tree. The norse have Yggdrasil. Buddhism has the Bodhi tree, I think. In other words, there are just _so many_ trees that could be considered a God Tree in the pantheons…"

Naruto nodded.

"Well, he have the Tree of Life, that your previous self kept locked into a garden… it just kept everything in the garden immortal and healthy. You mentioned once that someone that eats from it would live forever. Probably never aging. Nothing about getting chackra, though. But… I heard some rumors that that tree is how you created new souls too."

"I see. So the tree keeps everything around it healthy and living, eating the fruit gives apparently eternal life, and the fruits were made to create new souls… Man, that sounds powerful… if they are the same kind of tree, no wonder Kaguya was so powerful when she had absorbed hers."

IIIII

With a sigh, Raynare opened the door again.

" _What_ are you wearing? Nevermind what you are doing here. What are you _wearing_?"

Rias Gremory looked down, confused. "A nun outfit?"

"That you found where, a porn parody?"

Rias crossed her arms, offended. "That was the only nun costume I could find that fit me."

"And where did you find it, a sex shop?"

"Yes."

"Shhh Akeno. Uh, I mean, it was the only place with one in town I could find…"

"Excuse me…" Sona asked, a bit groggily, "could someone here spare me an aspirin?"

Raynare turned, a scathing answer in her lips… until she saw Sona's bleeding forehead. "What—what happened to your forehead?"

"I… may have developed an addiction of dealing with people doing something stupid by banging my head on my desk."

"And you somehow thought coming _here_ with them was a good idea?"

"In my defense, my head is aching too much to think properly."

Raynare nodded at that. She went to that school for a bit. She was sure she had no lack of reasons to bang her head on the desk for.

"Back to you," she said, turning to Rias, "if you _really_ want to be a nun, proper clothing will be provided for you. It will _not_ be a porn movie costume, though."

Rias glared at her. "Your clothing used to be strings of leather, one of the other Fallen with you dresses in a female so tight and with so much cleavage it seems like it'll open at any second, and the two Excalibut nuns dress in bodysuits so tight you can clearly see the shape of their underwear."

"She has a point," said Mittelt. "Sure, you are dressing better, but Kala is just different models of the same thing and I don't think the church girls even have any other clothing yet."

"…fine," Raynare admitted. "It is not my call, anyway. Not that I think you'll last here.  
And you?"

"Ara?" Akeno blinked. "I'm mostly here to see what happens with Buchou, but if I can just ogle Uzumaki-san training I wouldn't complain."

Raynare just looked at her for a bit… "He started sparring with a few people in the morning, around 6, 7. And usually we all train under him for a couple hours after school."

"Hey, why is she just given the timeline to ogle him and I get all the looks?"

Raynare, Mittelt, Sona and Akeno exchanged a look.

"Because you came here dressed as a porn parody of a nun?"

"Because she is honest in her intentions."

"I miss my desk…"

"Ara ara."

"It's not a porn parody of a nun," Rias said, offended. "It is an _ecchi_ parody of a nun."

"So… it is not only a porn parody costume, it is a softcore porn parody _anime cosplay_?"

Rias _did_ blush a bit at that.

"What's with all this commotion?" came the voice of Kalawarner, who appeared at the door accompanied by someone… actually dressed properly as a nun. "What are all of you doing here?"

"I'm here to become a nun!" Rias declared, proudly.

Kalawarner approached her, looking in her eyes.

"If I recall right, you are Rias Gremory, a pureblood devil. While I am not asking why you would choose to join us—"

Akeno suddenly developed a cough that sounded a lot like Naruto's name…

"—I can assure you, a nun's life is _not_ a simple one. For starters, it is pushing aside all luxuries, some of which you are obviously used to."

"I am ready!"

"Like your clear love for items of anime culture," Sona mentioned.

Rias looked at Sona. Then at the nun. The nun nodded.

"Ara, she is _definitely not_ ready. I am glad being a Shinto priestess isn't _that_ demanding," added Akeno, ignoring Rias' glare.

Rias was visibly doing calculations in her head if it was worth it, biting her thumb and muttering about abandoning her babies.

"Well, was that all?" Kallawarner asked. While that does explain Gremory and Himejima, and I assume Shitori and…"

"Shinra," Tsubaki supplied from the side.

Raynare blinked. She didn't even notice her there.

"Thank you, I don't understand why the _whole_ peerage of Gremory is here and not Shitori's."

And truly, the whole peerage they knew of was there. Kiba, Koneko and Issei.

Judging by Rias' face as she turned to look, even _she_ didn't know they were there.

"Actually…" Sona said, trying to maintain her usual image despite her state, "I was advised to at least ask some questions about… erm… the apprenticeship proposal…"

"What she means is her sister annoyed her about listening more about Naruto's offer to tutor her in being a prankster," Tsubaki "helped".

Sona glared at her, but was ignored as she and Akeno fistbumped.

Kalawarner nodded, then looked at the others.

"Questions about senjutsu," Koneko said simply.

Kiba looked at her, smirked, and shrugged. "Questions about Excalibur."

Issei broke the combo. "I want him to teach me how he got all these women around him!"

"Be someone else", Raynare said. Issei glared at her. She glared back.

"To be honest, I'm curious as well," Ino said.

Everyone looked at her. "Who is she and when did she get here?" Issei asked Kiba, who shrugged.

"Hyudou-san, no one noticed _we_ were here, why would they notice her?"

"Because she has a guy in silver armor and white wings right beside her?"

By her side, Metatron, wearing his official armor, gave them a small wave.

"I think I saw some of Naruto-sama's clones turning into her when feeding the people in need once or twice," Kalawarner thought aloud.

"I am Yamanaka Ino, current head of the Yamanaka clan," she replied, flipping her ponytail behind her back. "I am a classmate of Naruto from the Academy, and I'd like to think we are friends nowadays. I may be young, but I am a fully trained medic, psychologist and psychiatrist in our homeland's standards, and was brought here by this gentleman because Naruto got some people in need of my services."

"I see," the nun said with a small smile that, Ino noticed, barely reached her eyes. "Please follow me."

Metatron gave her a nod and she did so, a focused expression on her face.

Silence reigned.

"So…" Issei said, "can we go in and see him?"

"Naruto-sama isn't inside right now," Kalawarner said. "And while it would be the polite thing, I am not sure it is the best idea for you to wait for him inside. We are expecting visitors from Heaven."

"Wait," Rias finally asked, "if you are expecting visitors from Heaven, why isn't he here with you?"

Metatron was the one to answer.

 **Because, reincarnation of God or not, he is still Uzumaki Naruto.**

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked, a bit angry for wasting her time.

The conversation was halted, however, by an arrival.

The present Devils could feel their skin crawl, and bodies weaken a bit, as they were exposed to a pure golden light.

Twelve golden wings emerged from the light, as it slowly took the shape of a man wearing red clothes covered with golden armor, his light blond hair falling down behind him as he slowed his descent.

Michael had arrived.

He looked at Metatron, and the two nodded to each other in respect.

Then looked behind him.

And spun around, looking for something.

"Oh dear," he said, pressing his fingers in his eyes as if trying to slow down a coming headache.

And it was at that moment, watching the expression on his face, that Sona Shitori finally understood that angels and devils were not so different anymore.

She held back on holding his shoulder in understanding supportive silence though. That'd be weird.

But the temptation was there.

IIIII

"Are you sure we shouldn't bring some to them?" Naruto asked one last time as they paid for their meal.

"Nah, don't worry about that. While I admit a professional Ramen Chef's is technically better than yours," Dohnaseek said, nodding with his hat to the owner of the small stand they were eating at. "I'm sure they'd like yours more just because it was made by you," he said, lifting his bag of materials to make their own.

"Oh… yeah, I can imagine that…" Naruto replied sadly, thinking about a dream he had a few times of a family meal with his parents he'd never have the chance to have…

Dohnaseek noticed it, and was about to try and take his mind away from that path when he noticed someone running in their direction at full speed – or rather, _into_ _Naruto_.

A Naruto so unfocused right then that he simply sidestepped the blond missile, resulting in a streetlamp gaining a sudden Gabriel-shaped identation with a metallic impact sound.

 _That_ got Naruto's confused attention. Turning around, he saw a cute girl in a white summer dress knocked out in the ground.

Also a bent streetlamp, but not important.

"She looks… familiar."

"That's Gabriel, a Seraph," Dohnaseek said, surprised.

"A _very_ high—rank angel. …must have followed her instincts and come directly here, she's always been a little more in-tune with your previous incarnation," the Fallen explained.

"No, it's not that…"

Naruto then grabbed a black marker from his pocket—

"Why were you carrying that?"

—and drew three whisker marks on her visible cheek.

A bit more imagination to imagine her skin more tanned and her hair a darker yellow… change hairstyle to twintails…

"Yup, that's her alright. Must have based it on her subconsciously then," he nodded to himself as he rubbed the marks off with a wet towel, causing Dohnaseek to be even more confused where he got it and the water bottle from.

"…Her?"

He turned to the Fallen, eyes wide. "Nope. Not explaining. Now help me put her in my back to carry her to a hospital."

That earned him a raised eyebrow, "Wouldn't Asia be better?"

"Ah, right. She can heal people. I forgot."

With Dohnaseek's help, Naruto put her on his back, her legs around his waist then her arms around his neck, and they went back home. Naruto carrying Gabriel, Dohnaseek carrying everything else. Kaguya carrying a plush bunny and glaring at it.

Dohnaseek looked at her in surprise. Since when was she with them?

"Oh, hey Kaguya. How are you?" Naruto asked.

"Weren't you fighting just yesterday?" Dohnaseek asked.

"Yup. And now we are not," Naruto replied.

"I don't get it either," Kaguya said to the Fallen. "Someone tries to kill him, and he just greets them like this the next time… I don't think it is normal."

In the Hidden Village of the Sand, the Kazekage nodded in sympathy.

Then he blinked and looked around. He had no idea why he had just done that, but was sure it involved Naruto.

"And I'm fine. Got my bunny."

"It _is_ a cute bunny. Where's Zetsu?"

"Inside the bunny," Kaguya shrugged, and made the bunny face Naruto.

An angry snarl could be clearly heard coming from inside it. If there were children around, they'd be getting nightmares.

"…won't she rip the bunny when she tries to get out?"

"If any damage does happen to the bunny," Kaguya said, glaring at it, "she knows I won't want to see her until after she gets me an identical substitute. It is both her prison and her charge, so she probably won't do much to you for a while in fear of you retaliating."

Naruto nodded. "So, besides getting the bunny and putting Zetsu inside, what have you been doing?"

"I learned to make microwave popcorn with lightning chakra," she said, with a satisfied smile.

"That's great!" he smiled back. "Is it a training technique?"

"Nah, it is a 'get fresh popcorn whenever I want' one. Trust me, the girl on your back tells me it'll be _very_ useful soon…"

"…uh?"

"I'm pretty sure that's Gabriel," she pointed out.

"So Dohnaseek said."

"And you are the reincarnation of the mead guy."

Naruto nodded at that… then though a bit better. "Why mead? I mean, considering everything, wouldn't it be more like wine?"

"Wine was Yeshua's thing," Dohnaseek pointed out. "Father had something with honey, which is used for mead, and milk. Never got _why_ he used those words."

"Ah… well anyway, yeah, the vision you gave me fits with what I was told past me was like."

Kaguya said no more, just giving an evil smile.

The bunny gave a small evil laugh. Naruto didn't like the bunny giving evil laughs.

IIIII

Ino looked at Michael. He was _really_ good-looking, but seemed a bit tired from overwork, which detracted from it.

Also, he had golden wings. That seemed a little excessive for her, but he somehow made it not look gaudy so props to him.

Around her, _everyone_ but Metatron seemed to treat him with respect (Metatron himself treated him as an equal), even if only three of them did not look like they were afraid of him – Asia, Irina and Xenovia if she recalled right.

She had been given a basic description of the Factions, so she knew what was going on. But since only the two big Angels and three Fallen were showing their wings, she had no idea yet of who was on what side. She knew that her future patients and the group that was outside were separate though, even if not in what they were.

As Asia served them all some refreshments, Ino thought about why she was there…

 _Naruto_ was apparently the reincarnation of the past leader of the Angels.

Nowadays that thought was _not_ insane, which made her realize how crazy her life had been.

Naruto had been the worst in the academy, a joke to most. Years passed, he graduated, got to the final stretch of the chunin exam. When Pain attacked the village he defeated someone that the whole village together failed to. Together.  
Dude was an improvement machine after he got started, apparently.

Then the war, and she fought zombies that regenerated unless sealed… The strongest of which summoned a being that dwarfed – in size and in power – the Kyubi, who could destroy mountains if it wasn't careful – and by the way, Naruto befriended the Kyubi, its name was Kurama and he was lounging on the side in a human form. Then the zombie came back to actual life more powerful than ever – because somehow becoming an immortal, untiring zombie was a step down for it – and only Naruto and her previous crush Sasuke had been able to fight it – after Naruto saved someone from certain death seconds after coming back himself and then _regenerated a missing eye from someone else_. _In seconds_.

Then she was sent to a dreamland illusion together with the whole world, but from what Team 7 had said – and they had no reason to lie at that point, since everyone remembered Madara was holding his own against the whole world but them and even defeating the nine tailed beasts in seconds – they had to fight an outright deity. And were only able to do so because Naruto and Sasuke were chosen by the spirit of their ancestors, sons of the Sage of Six Paths himself, to be their successors, so they could use a technique together to seal her away and free everyone… before fighting each other to settle their ancestors' rivalry.

The point is, she had seen and heard of some things that made her current situation seem not so impossible. Especially since it involved Naruto.

 _Especially_ since it involved Naruto.

Anyway, some of his "past self's" followers were tricked by someone, groomed to abandon everything they knew for said someone and then turned into slaves and had their spirits broken for their new boss' sick fun. Naruto found out, killed the sicko and rescued them… but of course they needed some psychological help. Maybe even some physical, depending on the abuse.

As one of Tsunade's students and a Yamanaka, she was the best one to send for this... but that wasn't all she had been sent for. Else they'd have asked for the girls to be sent to Konoha, where they could have more people to treat them and she herself wouldn't be away from missions for months.

Well, it'd be better for them to stay near Naruto for a bit in case they got overly-attached to him, either for saving them, being their religion's deity and them being rescued, or even both because… well, it was both at once. But if it was just that they could have sent any Yamanaka with medical training.

The _other_ reason they were there… was because hindsight was 20-20, as they said. Sending _Naruto_ alone _anywhere_ was a recipe for trouble, and they forgot that.

She had wanted to meet Naruto with the others, but decided to go meet her patients first so Naruto's thoughts didn't cloud her initial assessment of them. He'd understand if she explained to him.

Too bad she arrived at the same time as… _this_ was going on.

The people that arrived in the temple ("church," she reminded herself) at the same time as her seemed to be under the impression that one wrong move would be their death. The Fallen and the ones she was told were her patients seemed like they were ashamed of something they had done – not hard to imagine what, considering that the Fallen were once Angels that broke their rules and her patients…

She drank her tea quietly, as everyone else was doing, a sigh on her lips…

"Excuse me, child…" Michael called for her.

Ino looked at him with a smile, resisting the urge to correct him. While she didn't like being called a child after everything she lived through, he seemed to mean no insult, and was even trying to break the ice.

"I am told by Metatron you are a childhood friend on the one that is the reincarnation of my Father."

"Well, I studied with him since we were six years old, but I wouldn't call myself his childhood friend," she admitted. "While we are friends now, I admit I wasn't the best person for him while in the Academy."

"Could you do me the favor of telling me a bit about him?" Michael asked with a small smile.

Ino noticed that _everyone_ in the room now was paying her their total attention. She smiled. "Well, keep in mind that, as I said, I wasn't exactly friends with him in the Academy… but I still couldn't exactly ignore him either. No one really could, as much as we tried…"

IIIII

"…Naruto, why are you carrying an unconscious girl around?"

"Oh hey Shikamaru, I've been fine too," Naruto snarked… before blinking and turning around, finding out some of his friends there. The smile threatened to open up his face, so wide it got. "…wait, what are you doing here?"

Shikamaru was wearing… what he usually wore. No one batted an eye, because they weren't that much different from normal clothes. Black pants, a black shirt, a greyish green vest and sandals… not the height of fashion, but not like some of the things he has seen people wearing sometimes in those Shibuya images either.

 _Choji_ , who as obviously by his side because they are Shikamaru and Choji, couldn't wear his armor in public though, so he was wearing clothes that looked a lot like grown-up versions of his genin clothes.

Sai was there too. He… was Sai, with black clothes showing his midrift. Funnily enough, there were some fashion styles that were similar but that made his seem muted. So, not attracting much attention either besides his looks.

"Hey guys. Dohnaseek, Kaguya, these are my friends, Shikamaru is the lazy one, Choji is the strong one, and Sai is the creepy smile one."

"It is a work in progress," Sai admitted.

His smile was getting better, but was still creeping out the people going on their way a bit. Seriously, for all his thought about how emotions were not useful for his ninja, didn't Danzo think they should be at least able to be emoted, even if just for infiltration's sake?

"This is Dohnaseek."

Dohnaseek saluted through moving his hat a bit. "I'm here to keep him supervised so he doesn't end up doing something stupid."

"What a coincidence," Shikamaru said. "We are officially here as Ino's support since Naruto asked for her to help some people, but…"

Naruto's eye twitched a bit, but he decided to ignore the jab. "And where is she?" he asked, looking around.

"She went to do her job," Shikamaru shrugged. "Something about wanting to analyze her patients state without being contaminated with your thoughts on them."

"I have no idea what that means but it sounds like a doctor's thing."

Shikamaru just grunted. "Basically, she wants to know what to think of them without you saying something like 'they are nice' to color her opinion."

Naruto nodded, finally getting it.

"And who are you, miss?" Choji asked, not wanting the lady to feel excluded since Naruto didn't present her yet.

"Kaguya Otsutsuki. And you must know this one as Black Zetsu," she said, lifting the _white_ bunny.

Dohnaseek was confused.

The other three looked in Naruto's direction, eyes wide.

"Uh, Naruto," Choji began cautiously, "I remember Black Zetsu, and isn't Kaguya Otsutsuki the name of…"

"Don't worry guys, she is saner and sober now."

"Also weaker," Kaguya pointed out.

"Why 'sober'…" Shikamaru started, before closing his eyes and sighing and mothering something that sounded like 'because Naruto, of course'.

"And this one is Gabriel," Naruto finished, lifting the girl on his back a bit. "She hit her head trying to jump on me as a greeting, I think. We are taking her to someone who can heal her right now."

"I thought the hospital was to the other side?" Choji asked.

"Oh, not the Hospital. Asia! She is a girl that has a Sacred Gear that heals."

"Sacred Gear?" Shikamaru asked again. "No wait, don't bother," he stopped Naruto before he could answer. "She can heal people, that's good enough for me."

Naruto rolled his eyes but shrugged… which moved Gabriel on his back a bit, making Naruto have to readjust her.

"Uhm, want me to carry her for you for a bit?" Choji offered.

"Well, o—"

Before Naruto could finish, Gabriel's grip tightened considerably, choking him.

"Uh… I think, from what I remember of Lady Gabriel… separating them isn't a good idea?"

"…wwwhyyyy…" Naruto tried to choke out.

"…You'll see when she wakes up."

"…well, guess I'm carrying her then…" he was finally able to say… and the grip slackened immediately.

The two Team 10 ninja sighed. Sai smiled. Kaguya ate popcorn.

IIIII

The doors to the church opened loudly, but no one noticed, so engrossed they were into Ino's story.

"And I swear, as much as it annoyed us it made us girls even more jealous. I _still_ didn't meet a better looking woman that that transformation. And to make it worse for us, from what we were told he used _this_ to get the opening needed to save everyone later."

"It was a male variation, actually," Naruto admitted, entering the room with Gabriel on his back. "And of the Harem jutsu, a mix of Oiroke and Shadow Clones to create multiple versions with slight differences but hopefully equally attractive."

" _That_ I remember," Kaguya admitted with a blush.

Even Zetsu released an approving hum.

"Hey guys, hey Ino. Telling them about my old pranks?"

"Yeah. I still can't believe that Oiroke thing was useful…"

Naruto laughed. "It was useful even then. Did no one tell you how I graduated? Mizuki was a traitor and tricked me into stealing the Forbidden Scroll from Hokage-jiji saying it was a secret exam. When jiji found me I thought it was part of the test so I used it, and he was knocked out just by the view. That's how I learned the Shadow Clones, and then used them to capture Mizuki."

"Wait, the Third _passed out_ because of it?" Ino repeated, eyes wide in surprise. "And _that_ was what happened to Mizuki-sensei? We all thought he was just sick or something the day of team announcements."

"Yup, that's why I have an old hitai-ate, Iruka-sensei took it out of his own head to give it to me," Naruto told her, before he approached the guy with golden wings.

"I think this is yours," he said, pointing with one hand over his shoulder. Gabriel waved to him, a smile threating to split her face.

The next second, a blue blur and Xenovia was glued to his legs, glaring at the angel on his back. Gabriel glared back.

"Oh, come on!"

IIIII

 **I was thinking for a while on how to continue after that line… and then finally decided on not continuing, stopping this section right here.**

 **And then decided to end the whole chapter here. It just sounded like a good final line.**

 **So… yeah, the whole chapter was just people arriving. Ended up being basically filler. Sorry, hope it was at least entertaining.**


	9. Angelic explanations

**Didn't think I'd need to clarify, but some readers expressed confusion... this story starts a few days at most after chapter 699. Sasuke was leaving the village, maybe one or two days away. I thought that had been clear, but since it was not I apologize.**

 **That means The Last, and Naruto and Hinata being together, would be over a year and a half to happen in canon. In other words, there is almost no chance of Boruto and Himawari appearing. There is small chance of them being even born in this timeline.**

IIIII

"Uriel just laughed at me and said it was just a copy of his flames… but they aren't! They are concentrated sunlight, not flames! They burn when I hit something, but that is because it is concentrated!"

"Stop moving your arms," Ino complained, shining a light on Gabriel's eyes to heck if she was concussed. "You are definitely related… No wonder you look like his Oiroke…"

Naruto nodded at that, "yeah, I didn't tell anyone, but it was based on how I imagined an older sister would look like at the time. You know, orphan stuff."

"I'm just glad you remembered me, even if you didn't know it," Gabriel smiled, giving him a hug.

While still sitting on his lap. She had been talking for a while about people of Heaven Naruto didn't know but at the same time _knew_ … Like, he didn't need a description to imagine a dark-skinned Raphael or a ginger Uriel swinging a sword of flames.

"But anyway, this energy you are telling me reminds me of Jojo's Hamon…"

"Yes! I really tried to recreate Hamon! I'm still not able to do most of the things they do, but I think I'm doing a good job!"

"You are," Naruto said, rubbing her head and making the angel close her eyes with a smile.

"I wonder if she'd be so happy if she knew _what_ kind of pranks were done with the Oiroke…" Ino teased.

Naruto paled.

"Well, I always made sure not to hurm anyone but their pride and never do anything permanent, so it's not like I did anything _really_ bad…"

"Oh, really?" Ino asked, her smile turning predatory. "Then there is no problem in telling her?"

Naruto started sweating cold.

Gabriel looked at her, curious.

"Meh, I doubt she is as clean-shaven as—"

The bunny was quickly knocked out of Kaguya's shoulder by a flying shoe.

"DoN't WoRrY mOtHeR… tHe BuNnY iSn'T eVeN dIrTiEd…"

"Oh, ok then," Kaguya relaxed and went back to her popcorn, ignoring the dizzy Zetsu.

"I _am_ , though," Gabriel said. "I consider it a matter of hygiene."

Silence followed her statement… before the devil girls nodded in agreement.

Naruto blushed.

Ino was pensive.

Issei was thrown backwards by the strength of his nosebleed, causing the people nearby to be splattered in it.

Naruto's eye twitched. He felt a bit bad for exposing someone like that for a prank without knowing, but it was overpowered by the sense of being surpassed with _one statement_ …

On the other hand, that was the perfect distraction Naruto needed to change the subject.

He turned his attention to the _other_ angel there…

Well, not counting Metatron and the Fallen ones.

Well, a bit to Metatron. He had been filming them for a while with a small camera with "Gabriel" written on the side, "because it is an important meeting" he had said.

Michael shifted nervously, as unlike with Gabriel Naruto's gaze was serious. He kept glancing from him to Gabriel, as if comparing the two.

Sweating nervously, he wondered what exactly he had done wrong already to the young man that was the reincarnation of their Father. Because if Metatron vouching for him wasn't enough, Gabriel's behavior certainly was.

"Fath—I mean Naruto-sama, it is "sama" right? I am sorry for not coming for you earlier. If I has even imagined—"

"Are you the one currently leading the Churches?"

The question was asked without any mirth. If Micheal didn't know he wasn't remembered in more than small sparks he'd be heartbroken, but since he did he just winced.

"Well, yes, technically… I mean, they have their independent leaders, like the Pope for the Catholics, but—"

"Then who do I talk to, if I were to ask for an explanation for throwing away a 'Holy Maiden' whose only mistake was healing without prejudice?"

Michael winced again. "Oh…"

The girl who was serving tea widened her eyes. "Naruto-sama, there is no need—"

"Of **course** there is a need! Even if it hadn't been you, Asia-chan, someone was punished without doing anything wrong! Who know who else had the same done to them!"

Michael's head dropped. "It is true. Asia Argento is not the only one who suffered unjustly. Without Father in charge, our powers given to us by our believers began dwindling… We were forced to remove from our midst those who could cast doubts in our teachings, like miss Argento with her ability to heal our enemies, or those that found out about your previous incarnation's death that did not accept it properly."

Shame for his actions, for the evil he allowed to happen, filled Michael… but it was too late. "It may not be the fairest course of action, but it was the best I was able to choose at the time."

Naruto shook his head.

"I'm far from the right person to condemn someone for making poor choices, but you had other options."

Shikamaru assumed from there. "Talking with those that found out their god is dead to see their feelings on it, they may be willing to act even harder on his old desires. Or if they aren't willing to go away but still lost their faith you could have had them transferred somewhere they'd still be doing their job but not interacting with those not in the know. And I'm not sure what happened with Argento-san, but the problem seems to be that she is able to heal those the religion consider evil too… shouldn't the ability to heal indiscriminately be seen as better?"

"And that's not counting the bad things that were done in the name of the Church," Naruto continued. "I admit I didn't research much, but… the Crusades, or Pope Boniface VIII, or the burning of Joan of Arc, or of Willian Tyndale, the Witch Hunts, indulgences, the Holy Sword Project, these just some examples. And unlike the humans, you were in the lead the whole time."

"I… I admit that I should have been much more strict to humans in charge of the Church…" Michael finally said, tears threatening to fall from his reddening eyes. "I… I know it is just excuses, but I was left in the lead of all angels with no warning and even less training. I've been splitting my time between leading the angels and trying my best to keek Heaven's system running… so I had to make some hard choices to keep both in the best condition, and some of them were to close my eyes to the actions of others.  
I know why you are angry, some of the actions I had to look aside fill me with shame—"

"But not enough to change your ways," Naruto accused calmly.

"I tried! The Church is getting better! But... it took me a while until my siblings convinced me that you would be ashamed of me if you saw the things I let happen, and now the path to recovery is already too long. And now you come back, and I am doing my best to face you for my faults, but…"

Naruto sighed.

"I am not ashamed of you. I am not your father, just his reincarnation, but from what I can feel of him in my heart, he wouldn't throw you aside.  
You can be sure though, he would be _extremely_ disappointed that you became so callous."

Michael couldn't hold it in anymore, and with a strangled sob started crying.

Naruto sighed.

"Gabriel, would you please get down? I'd like to talk to my friends a bit."

She nodded and jumped down, her happy expression gone. She made no move to console Michael though.

IIIII

Naruto motioned to Kiba so he could join him in his talk with Team 10. The devil was pensive, but followed him.

Choji quickly put his hand on his shoulder in sympathy.

Ino sighed. "I know you feel bad for making him cry like that, but that is something you _had_ to say, and he _needed_ to hear. Else it'd be over your heads for who knows how long."

Shikamaru nodded in agreement. "I am a bit out of the loop of what you said, but from what _he_ said he ended up becoming Heaven's version of Danzo as Hokage for a while… he may have gotten better, but he still ended up allowing some pretty heavy shit, even if he didn't do it himself. This seems like one of the worse punishments he could have been given in a personal level."

"It is more than that," Kiba said. "Oh, I'm sorry. I am Kiba Yuto, I was a victim of the Holy Sword Project and was turned into a Devil because I'd have died otherwise.  
Michael's actions were reprehensible, but he did not Fall because, whether we like them or not, he was sincere in that they were never once motivated by anything but love for his fellow angels and father. He justified it to himself that they were the best thing he could do at the time, even if the things he was turning a blind eye to were terrible things. Even if I and my friends suffered from his actions, he measured them and, in his eyes, he considered them justifiable.  
And then first his siblings, and now his father, even if his reincarnation, tell him his actions were unacceptable… everyone he sullied his soul for…

Don't get me wrong, I don't thing I'll ever forgive him. But… I don't think I can hate him anymore either."

Naruto nodded. It was a good thing there were people he knew here, he knew in his head he was right but he was still feeling guilty… even that small conversation helped.

IIIII

"Are you feeling better?" Naruto asked.

Michael nodded, eyes still a bit red but more composed.

"I'll take Kiba's lead. You are _not_ forgiven. You will need to work as hard as you can to make amends for your mistakes. They will _not_ be forgotten. Neither by me, or by yourself. However, I can't think of a worse but fair punishment than those two. As long as you never forget them and try your best not to repeat them and to make amends, Kiba is willing to be civil, and I am willing to give you a chance to prove yourself a better person."

"That is all I could possibly ask," Michael replied with a smile.

Naruto nodded.

"Now, since we mentioned Kiba, could either of you explain to me what is the deal with these Excalibur swords? I mean, they aren't _really_ pieces of the real deal… are they?"

Michael smiled. _That_ was a good topic for conversation, in his opinion.

"Ah, those… they were pieces of a sword, but not _the_ Excalibur…

We asked the Lady of the Lake herself, and she allowed us to use her techniques to forge a third and fourth swords, similar to Excalibur and Galatine. Each of us Four Great Seraphs gave our own contribution to the blades. There was just one problem…"

"It was too strong and no one could wield it?" Naruto guessed.

"Uhm, yes. How—"

"It just makes sense. Since even the pieces needed someone to either be born able to use them or to go through a treatment, to be able to use all seven in one blade…"

He shrugged. It made sense to him.

"Er. Well. As you said, the sword ended up too powerful for any human we knew of to wield at the time… so we broke it in seven pieces and we reforged them into separate blades, each with its own property. The original blade was unnamed, but since we used the same techniques as the ones used on Excalibur itself they became known as the Lesser Excaliburs. Eventually the story was mutated by the people and people started believing they _were_ the original blade once."

"I see… and which was which?" Naruto asked, curiosity clear in his voice.

"I myself did Rapidly, which I personally consider the stronger one battle-wise, both in defense and attack. Raphael, since his specialty is healing, made Blessing, which increases the strength of rituals like healing ones, and Mimic, which can be turned in many tools, not just weapons. Uriel worked on Transparency and Nightmare, both which use illusions, to turn the user invisible or to cause fear. I have no idea why, since his area of focus are his flames, but he mentioned something about the sun causing mirages and halucinations on deserts."

"I made Destruction and Ruler!" Gabriel puped up.

"No one I know says 'no' to Gabriel when she _really_ wants something… she either convinces you, or beats you up _then_ convinces you. Her blades clearly reflect that part of her."

No one had anything to say to that…

"Oh, so you _really_ are related. The others sometimes call it Naruto-kun's Talk no Jutsu when he isn't around to hear."

Oh wait, Sai did.

A bit more awkward silence later, Naruto cleared his throat.

"Uhm, that is very interesting, but I was more talking about you saying you made a 'third and fourth' swords. So, which was which?"

"Oh," Michael started, surprised. "They were all the same sword. We actually forgot about the 'second Excalibur'."

"'Second Excalibur'?" Kiba repeated, surprised himself.

"Yes, you see, Excalibur and Galantine were two sides of the same coin, Excalibur was related to the moon and Galantine was to the sun. So we had to forge a version of both too. Of course, being beings of Light, we focused our followers on the Galantine, even though they eventually became known as Excaliburs due to that being the famous one of the duo."

"So all the Excaliburs are actually the second Galantine?" Kiba reinforced. "Then what happened to the _actual_ second Excalibur?"

"The Lady of the Lake is keeping it," Michael said. "She assured us no one of evil heart would be the one to take it from her, and that when the next guardian of the blade found out about it it would already know where to find her and it. She also assured me, though, that it would be its next guardian, not its ultimate wielder."

Kiba and Naruto drew a breath, and looked at each other.

"I found it," Naruto said. "The right lake, I mean. I was because of feeling a draw to it when I met Kaguya. We can go together there later."

Kiba nodded.

Naruto draw a breath, before releasing it to calm down. Things were moving pretty fast, but he was used to it… just not out of pranks, running from retribution for his pranks, or battle.

"We have two more things to deal with, and by then the dinner will be ready."

"Please tell me it is not ramen…" Ino complained. "You could live your whole life with just the stuff, but not everyone else feels like you."

"Well, excuse me for them being my best recipes. I didn't expect Choji to be here to teach me other things and when we met I had already bought all the material."

"Excuse me Choji, I've heard about arguments like this… am I supposed to feel threatened since I'm dating her?" Sai asked the closest person he knew.

"To be honest I have no idea," Choji answered.

"Fine, we'll eat your ramen this time. Choji, you'll be responsible for teaching Naruto new recipes while we are here."

Choji rolled his eyes, but nodded.

Naruto shrugged. "Anyway, we have two important matters to deal with before this talk is over and we can eat… Number one, Ino's patients."

Ino blinked, before looking at him seriously. "Be careful what you say, Naruto. I wasn't able to talk to them yet."

He nodded, before continuing. "Not saying too much, Ino's patients were tricked by a devil, turned, and abused. I rescued them, but that's all I was able to do for now. If they wish, is there a way to make them stop being devils?"

Michael looked at him pensive.

Rias and Sona looked at each other with wide eyes. "Who was it?" Sona asked, anger clear in her voice, her cold tone promising suffering.

"Someone I already took care of. Acted like he was important, but I do not care. He could have been Lady Amaterasu herself, I would have done my best to punish him as befitting the crime."

"He was raised under the domain of the Shinto deities," came Naruto's voice from the angel in silver armor, the usual booming voice not good for a recording.

"Thanks Metatron. As I was saying, I eliminated Diodora Astaroth like the blemish in the face of the existence he proved to be."

"Astaroth?" Rias repeated. "Like the clan of Lord Beelzebub? If people found out—"

"If that may cause a war like he said, so be it. As long as everyone that follows me do so because they agree with my actions and not just out of lip service. I have no desire to associate with those that'd approve his."

Another awkward silence followed that. After all, Naruto literally declared a personal war on anyone who would be on Diodora's side. No one there did, but there was no doubt by anyone in the room that he would follow on his word for anyone that did try to argue the point.

Michael cleared his throat, trying to bring the point back.

"Unfortunately, the only person who knows how to undo it, if it is even possible, is the creator, Ajuka Beelzebub. Supposedly Heaven's system could do it, but I am not knowledgeable enough in it to do so. As far as I know, the only one that would be able to use it for such would be… well, you."

Naruto sighed. "Ok, that's a bit disheartening, but is a good way to go to the second question… Heaven's system. How is it, does it need much maintenance, and how hard would it be to fix a few errors and changing some rules?"

"For example?" Michael asked, thinking.

"Changing the rules for angels falling to not be so rigid, changing the rules about them going back to normal so it becomes easier, changing the rules so humans with Sacred Gears revived as devils from then on don't keep them—"

"What?" the two devil Kings exclaimed.

Naruto waved a hand. "Don't worry, just the new ones. The ones already turned will keep them, since it is already a part of their sense of self."

"You can't do that!" Sona tried to argue. "That'd change completely the state of recruiting for peerages from now on, and not in a good way!"

"Though," Naruto argued back. "From what I gathered, Sacred Gears were given to humans to protect them and put them in equal footing to the other races. _You_ devils used a loophole by turning them into devils and taking the weapons of humanity for yourselves.

I am closing a loophole that was never supposed to be there. That is non-negotiable. Be glad I am willing to let those already turned keep them."

"But… but that's not fair!" Rias tried to argue.

Naruto glared at her. Rias felt a heavy weight bearing down on her, as if a wrong move could mean her end, and it was completely unrelated to him being the reincarnation of the God of the Bible.

"Do you want to know what else is not fair? Devils are stronger. Devils live longer. Devils can use magic easily. Humans only have Sacred Gears, and then devils came and took them for themselves without even giving them a choice in some cases.

No. Sacred Gears are weapons made for humans, and for humans they will stay. No one will get one who isn't a human anymore. And by that I mean that even if I can eventually do like was done to Enoch when he became the angel Metatron, the angel also loses it.

That was how they were supposed to be. And so that is how I will make them be. Treasure the ones you have with Sacred Gears. Soon they'll be the only ones."

"Maybe… not so soon…" Michael said with a wince. "You see, I have no idea how it works to do those changes, and since you don't seem to recall neither do you right now… So you will probably need someone who could help you analyze the system and teach you to do those…"

"And you don't have anyone who could help, right?" Naruto continued with a sigh.

"Well, not still on our faction…"

Naruto sighed… then made a face like having an idea… that he disliked… then got frustrated… then angry…

"Damn it Naruto, say something! Making faces won't help anyone here!" Ino shouted.

"It helps me," Kaguya said while eating her popcorn, but was ignored.

"Shikamaru!" Naruto said, eyes wide. "Hey man, great thing you are here! I just had an idea, but it is a bad idea. Such a bad idea even I can tell it is a bad idea."

"That _is_ a bad idea," Ino agreed.

"See? So please Shika, say something, _anything_ I could do besides—"

"Call Orochimaru."

"Damn it Shika, you had _one_ job!"

Shikamaru sighed. "First, don't call me Shika. And second, he is the only people we know that could do it properly. As much as the title of 'genius' is just thrown around in our land, he _deserves_ it, and proved time and time again, for good or for ill."

"Damn it!" Naruto threw his hands in the air, the arms following and keeping them in range because he wasn't Kakuzu that could just detach them. Well, he could the right one but… "that was my only idea, but even I can tell it is a terrible one."

"Well, _I_ don't have a better one either," Shikamaru countered.

"Yeah, we already established that."

"Since when can you say 'established'?"

"I don't know! Oh kami, this is happening, I am going to ask Orochimaru for help, I can already feel Tenzo's stare and Anko's hands trying to strangle me…"

"That is the feeling of being a leader," Choji said sagely.

Naruto just glared at him.

IIIII

Koneko looked at Naruto out of the corner of her eye.

As much as he was the reincarnation of a god, and now that she paid attention she could feel a few flunctuations of holy energy coming from him from time to time, sometimes in an uncontrolled stronger wave, his body was definitively of a human… besides the capacity of using chakra, but the other four humans also had that so she surmised it was not that.

But then… why could he use Senjutsu so well, on the level of her sister at the _least_ – and that's including any remaining hero-worship… yet seemed to feel none of the berserker rage?

Even the food was a second place to these thoughts… which is why she could be excused for _almost_ jumping when a hand touched her shoulder.

"When you are done meet me outside," the second Naruto told her in a low voice, hearable but not disruptive of the rest of the dinner, "we need to talk."

She nodded nervously, and left as soon as she was done.

Rias looked at the original Naruto, "what was that about?"

"It is something I noticed about her. It may be personal to her, so I'll let her tell you later."

Rias frowned. "She is my friend since we were young. We have no secrets from each other."

"Then you won't have a problem with her telling you later," Naruto finished.

…only to then notice something.

"Hey, you clothes look a bit like the nuns' today. What gives?"

"More like a porn version of them," Mittelt muttered, but everyone heard.

Naruto shrugged, though. "It doesn't show up that much. As long as she isn't cold, I guess."

"No, I mean it _is_ a porn version of a nun's clothes. She even admitted it earlier."

Naruto looked at Mittelt.

Looked at Rias.

Looked at Xenovia and Irina.

Looked at Mittelt again and pointed at Xenovia and Irina.

"It is for fighting!" Irina said, suddenly embarrassed of how form-fitting her bodysuit was.

Then Naruto pointed to Ino.

She smiled at that and waved her hand to the others watching.

"Er, well…" Mittelt started.

Naruto then pointed at Sai.

"…what?" he asked when the others looked at his clothes… and his exposed midriff.

Everyone got Naruto's point by then.

Rias pouted at that. So it'd take more than showing her skin to get him… Oh well, he wouldn't be worth it if it didn't. It was no problem. She had the time.

So focused they were in their conversation, they didn't notice a third Naruto leave with Kiba.

IIIII

"Hey Koneko-chan, can I call you Koneko-chan?" the Naruto clone asked.

Koneko nodded while looking around. They were in a clearing surrounded by trees, surrounded by nature.

She could _feel_ the Nature energy that saturated the place.

"You can feel it too, can't you?" Naruto asked, serious. "I can feel you drawing it without even trying, but throwing it away and keeping it out."

Koneko nodded. "I… I'm a Nekoshou. It is a kind of Nekomata that is able to draw Nature energy easily… But when my sister tried using it to strengthen herself with Senjutsu she…"

"Pulled a Jugo?" Naruto asked. Seeing the confusion in her face he explained. "Jugo is someone who is a friend of a friend. He has the natural ability of drawing Nature energy easily, and _all_ the time… the problem is that he doesn't know _how_ to use it, and thus he sometimes has some attacks of… well, murderous fury."

Koneko absorbed the information, and nodded. "Do you mean, it is not because they are using Senjutsu, but because they are doing it wrong?"

Naruto nodded, then sat down on the ground, tapping beside him. "So, you must have been holding the fear of going their way for a while, uh…"

She hesitated, but sat down beside him. Flinched a bit when his hand fell on her head, but then had to resist purring at the small massage it did.

"You see, _anyone_ can use a bit of Nature energy to strengthen themselves if they can draw the energy… well, at least everyone with chakra, not sure about the ones without. The problem is… how to explain… ever heard of sweet iced tea? It is made by making tea, adding sugar while it is hot, and then letting it cool. The whole process is important, you need hot water to make tea, but if you let it cool down before adding the sugar it won't dissolve properly because the tea isn't hot."

"So you are saying the problem is that they aren't absorbing the Nature energy properly?" Koneko asked, understanding coming to her. "They are getting it, but it isn't mixing with them properly."

"Yup. That means that an excess of Nature energy is in them, and thus they are being draw more and more towards their basic nature."

"…are you saying they are like that deep down? That we are all violent and raging like them?"

"No, no," Naruto corrected her. "When I said 'basic', I mean _really_ basic. Fight or Flight instincts level of basic. And since humans are predators, and I'm assuming your sister is even more since she is a kind of nekomata…"

"Humans are predators?" the girl asked, confused.

"Forward-facing eyes, only predators have these," Naruto explained. "We are something called 'pursuit predators', I'm not very good at it but basically we outlast our prey."

Koneko nodded. "So, since you said you only know that everything that uses chakra can use Nature Energy properly… does that mean that it has to be mixed in the chakra _while molding it_ instead of added to it?"

"Bingo!" Naruto said. "But… it has to be done properly, else you'll risk becoming _too much_ one with Nature…"

Koneko looked in his eyes in confusion, so she saw Naruto make a face.

"For example, when I was taught, it was with the training methods of the Toads from Mount Myoboku… so if I used too much Nature energy in the mix I would become more and more toad-like, and would risk drawing more and more… until a point I'd become a stone toad with no way to turn back into myself."

Koneko shivered at that. Becoming a stone statue forever, of a toad, cat or anything really…

"This is why only those with large chakra reserves attempted the training, the proper balance becomes easier to get. But… I don't think you'll have too much problems."

She almost tilted her head, but that could risk stopping his hand petting her. So she decided to speak. "Why?"

"Because… you're a natural. Sure, you don't know how to _mix_ it, but you very likely already draw exactly what you need. And that also solves another problem I had that you probably won't ever have."

"Which one?"

"For someone to usually draw Nature energy, they can't move. After the mix is made, you have until it is used up, but then you have to draw again. I got _really_ good at drawing it, like, I can mold a lot in less than a second compared to my old one minute to draw enough for five. My teacher used to use toad summons that drew the energy for him. I can actually ask Kurama to do the same for me if I'm not able to get that second. But the point is, by myself I _need_ that second to draw the energy.  
You may not."

"I see. And when I do it…"

Naruto smiled. "Not if, when. I like that.  
Yeah, when you do it, you'll probably be able to be a Sage all the time."

"A Sage?" Koneko couldn't help turning to him, surprise clear in her face.

"Yup. That's the name given to someone who can use senjutsu properly. Where I come from, at least."

"A Sage…"

"But, if you decide to learn it from me… I have to warn you, it may not be such a long road, since you're a natural and I was a quick learner, but it'll be hard. And _painful_."

"Painful?" Koneko asked, confused.

"The only way I know to push out excess Nature energy is the one used to me… hitting someone with a special stick that'll expel it all away. So it'll both hurt because of the stick and because the Nature chakra will be pushed out by it a bit violently."

"…when do we start?"

Naruto nodded at her serious expression. "The original is a bit occupied right now, and he is the only one who can contact the Toads to get a copy of the stick. He'll try to contact you when he gets it.

Koneko nodded.

…

…

"Wait for me for a minute while I get some money for ice cream for us?"

Koneko nodded so fast, the smiling Naruto thought she was at risk of dislocating her neck.

IIIII

"Does that change anything?" the other Naruto asked Kiba.

"I… don't really think so," Kiba admitted. "While I once hated holy swords, especially the Excaliburs, Galatine or not, now I made my peace with them.  
…but I'd still love to see an actual Excalibur, though, even if not the original," he smiled. "Call it a swordsman thing."

Naruto nodded. While his meeting with the Fourth Hokage was tempered with the knowledge that he was the one that sealed Kurama in him, and then later by the fact he was his father, he always wanted to spar against him and the Third. And then he fought _alongside_ them in the Fourth War! He guessed a swordsman seeing a blade on par with one of the strongest swords in legend would be on about the same level.

"What do you think she meant when she said that the future guardian would be the one that'd know where she is, though? Do you think it'll be _my_ blade now but not forever, like Kisame used Samehada but it eventually chose KillerB? Or I'll just be the guy that'll carry it to the next person?"

"I guess… you should ask her that personally," Kba said, shaking his head. He got the jist of the example, but didn't know what the names meant.

"Good point… I'd like to go as soon as possible, but the boss thinks that most people he is going to talk to soon, including her, he should talk to _personally_ , not through us."

Kiba nodded. "Makes sense, I guess."

"That means we aren't going right now, though…"

Kiba shook his head. "Thanks for thinking of me, but… this is important, but so is everything you are doing right now."

Naruto nodded. "…hey, wanna spar a bit?" he asked suddenly, pulling out a kunai. "From what I gathered, your Sacred Gear is already very useful for many things, and it got even better right? Show me how many different ways you can think to use them in middle of battle."

Kiba looked at him… and two swords formed in his hands. "You're on."

IIIII

"So… how's life?" Naruto asked before flinching from the awkwardness of the question.

"To be honest?" Michael answered, not noticing it, "Life has been a mess ever since you died. I mean, I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I wasn't ready, I wasn't meant to shoulder the authority and responsibility. I'm not made to be the boss, never wanted to, second In Command is good enough for me.  
To be honest, I was very depressed and was mostly going through the motions… which is the real reason I took so long to come check why Metatron wanted me to visit the town, to be honest.

I… I'm pretty sad about our talk, both that my mistakes were pointed out and I had to admit to them and that that was all we talked about since Gabriel had been able to tell you wathever you wanted… but I'm also relieved there was a talk to _be_ had, since it meant you are here."

"Well, she actually started talking before I could ask anything…" Naruto reminded him. "Also, being Second In Command means taking over when the First isn't there, but I can see that you just lost your leader and father, had no training and had no idea there was even a chance of it happening. And I doubt you guys would accept anyone else but him leading you so it's not like your stay would be temporary either."

Michael nodded. "Pretty sure that, just like quite a few Falls were by Father's death affecting them emotionally," he paused, noticing the guilty looks of three of the Fallen present, save for Dohnaseek, "I know that me presuming to take his place was the cause of some more…  
But now… you are here…"

"Uhm… I… you guys understand that I'm not him? While I may have his soul, I have my own body, my own mind, I am my own being. A Shadow Clone is closer to the real me than I am of him. I know I acted like I would just a few minutes ago in the heat of the moment, but… Why do you think I should lead you? Why do you think the others will follow me?"

"We don't," replied Gabriel. "But… I can feel it, your soul is his, and also Yeshua's, the will of Father changed yet strengthened by Yeshua's kindness learned on his time as a human like iron combined with carbon to make something even stronger than before, and all of this forged and tempered in a hard but good life. I mean, there is something in there that makes you your own person too, but your connection to Father is undeniable.  
Also, your hugs feel so much like him…"

She then threw herself on him and started rubbing her head in his chest. Instinctively Naruto petted her, and she smiled peacefully.

"What Gabriel means is that we do not expect them to just take you as Father, reincarnation or not… even if she did. However, aware or not we all can feel it. I am sure the Fallen felt a connection to you as soon as they were talked with, even before they realized it, but while the connection is there you, as you said, are your own person. Even if you were pure Father you had your own life experiences, when you mean Yeshua…  
No," he continued, shaking his head, "we do not expect them to accept you right away. But… if you talk to them, convince them to give you a chance… I am sure they will."

Naruto sighed at that. "To be honest… I don't like the idea of leading you guys just because I was born with his soul. I mean, I want to be Hokage. It is a position only for the best in the village, _and_ you need to both be strong and accepted by the forces. Something I spent years trying to get with my own effort…  
and now you guys want me to take you over because of how I was born and not of what I did, and want your forces to be made to accept me right away instead of us interacting and them actually learning about me beforehand, because of something I had no control over… what are you doing, Metatron?"

Metatron had been slowly approaching him as he was talking.

"I don't know how the zoom works in this and did not want to mess up trying to guess on a live feed…"

"Oh, that makes sense—live feed?"

"Yes, I _did_ tell you this was an important moment for us Angels. Right now only Heaven is receiving the feed, but we'll edit it properly later and give copies, and I'm sure the Fallen will have one on their hands pretty soon."

"They just saw me saying I didn't want to lead them—"

"Because you thought it would be unfair. Trust me, that speech that, I will reinforce for the audience, you _did not know they could hear_ , and they know I cannot lie even if I wanted to, will get you more acceptance from them than anything else you could have done."

Naruto fell silent, blushing a bit in embarrassment.

Choji chuckled at this. "Naruto, never change."

"I don't think he knows how to," Sai said for him. "And I think this is a good thing."

"Nah, he got more mature as time went on… not much though. But the important things are still the same, I guess."

Naruto sighed. "The plans I mentioned, did they hear?"

"Including the argument of whoever you wished to ask for help fulfilling them was a bad idea in your mind but you didn't have any better.  
Incidentally, I am pretty sure the only two I am aware of that could help are on opposite forces, and while we are attempting to agree on an actual end of our war instead of just a cold one, they would complain about the plans about Sacred Gears for personal reasons."

Naruto sighed. "If I had someone from my land go to Heaven to help me do the changes, huw much trouble would that be?"

"You would need to be either yourself or one of your clones with him constantly to keep him there," Michael said. "But I do not believe he'd be affected by any changes, since he is not from your domain."

"Meaning that even if he had a relapse it would do him no good," Naruto nodded satisfied. "And I was already planning on keeping a clone with him, both to watch and learn from him so I can do this myself in the future."

Michael nodded. "I believe this is all we need to do for now,Naruto-sama."

Naruto nodded.

Metatron turned of the camera.

Michael looked at Gabriel.

Naruto looked at Michael. Looked at Gabriel. Looked at Michael. Looked at Gabriel.

And rolled his eyes.

"You know, I grew up an orphan, so I never got many people to give me hugs… But you are a grown-up man, Michael."

"I am sorry, Naruto-sam—"

"If you want one, just ask first."

Michael looked at Naruto… and threw himself on the side Gabriel was not.

'This is weird…' Naruto thought… 'but not really bad… is this how being a father really feels?'

He looked around, and sighed. "Anyone els—"

The question wasn't even finished when he was dogpiled by everyone but the shinobi, Kaguya, who just ate her popcorn and laughed, her plushy, Sona, her Queen, and Issei, who just looked in jealously.

…

"Hey, who pinched my butt?"

"Ara ara!"

"Hey Akeno, not fair!"

"Ouch! That was not an invitation to do the same, Gremory!"

"Not sorry!"

IIIII

 **So yes, Orochimaru is coming next chapter. And unlike Team 10, his visit had been planned.**

 **To be fair, save for Orochimaru and his guards/babysitters no more Naruto characters are really planned until the Rating Games tournament where all the factions join, but just like Team 10 things may happen that change my mind…**

 **Fun fact, I am a fan of NaruIno. As well as NaruTayuya and NaruAyame. No, this won't be a NaruIno fic, I already established she is dating Sai right now.**

 **So, yeah… even if the devils now in the know say nothing about Diadora, Naruto's decision to fix the bug with Sacred Gears staying when the owner is turned into a Devil will make him** _ **pretty**_ **unpopular with them… But at the same time they have no real argument against it.**

 **And yes. As I told before, I'm expecting complaints for this, but I couldn't think of any better person to help fix the Heavenly System than, of all people,** _ **Orochimaru**_ **… Of course, he will be watched, by Anko and Tenzo and with a Naruto clone with him all the time to learn as much as he can to be able to do it himself and to pay attention so he doesn't mess anything up, but still…** _ **Orochimaru**_ **.  
The only other people I could think of are Azazel and Ajuka, and neither met Naruto until now and even if they did Naruto wouldn't know much about them besides them being enemies right now. Azazel betrayed God once already and Ajuka… Naruto killed his… brother? Cousin? …relative.**

 **Ah yes, Gabriel making Excalibur Destruction and Ruler may seem like a joke, but she** _ **is**_ **the Archangel of Messengers, Military (in Islam) and Destruction (Judaism and Islam). The** _ **others**_ **were made up on the spot… I'm hoping they make some sense. Uriel's use illusions, for invisibility or outright psychological attack… I mentioned mirages, but my actual idea came from faery fire, but… well, can't have an angel saying outright he used fairies as inspiration since fairies exist. Raphael, the reasons were as explained. Michael kept the remaining one, really.**

 **Speaking of the Excaliburs… I always thought of making it be Galatine, but originally thought was for it to be the original one… then there was the Arthur Prototype event in Fate Grand Order and I saw his Noble Phantasm… just had to make a second Excalibur but with Archangel-named seals instead – and thus the second duo was born.  
I'm not sure it was the best idea, but you know how ideas are when they get stuck in your head…  
Also, from what I gathered in Wikipedia using the the twelve archangels are Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Sealtiel, Jegudiel, Jerahmeel, Barachiel (yeah, I know… canonically Fallen in DxD by this point, but… In fact, his existence in DxD canon is why I'm using the Eastern Orthodox ones, Coptic Orthodox are different but DxD only says "Orthodox" when I searched), Camael, Jophiel, Zadkiel, Abaddon. What archangel is what seal, I have time to choose still.**

 **Now for something completely different…**

 **A question for the readers about the future of the story.**

 **I'm not sure if it is anime-only or if it was in the light novels, but there is a scene where the people in Issei's class have to make something with clay that happens soon after the fight with Kokabiel, but before the Peace Conference.**

 **I think I explained it, but in case I didn't, Naruto's divine powers are not controlled. Sometimes he is the same human Naruto (who can fight a goddess) as ever, others he has a burst of divine energy out of his control, like when Pearl Jam was recreated as a Sacred Gear, or Kaguya freed. Koneko says so in this chapter too.**

 **So… I was thinking of Naruto making a young angel that looks a bit like his mom, since** _ **he**_ **looks a bit like his dad… and accidentally giving life to her. Since, you know, God can do that.**

 **Now, you guys have a few options.**

 **One of them is telling me it isn't a good idea, and I'll have to think of something else for him to make. I have some ideas, but none are good enough in my head.**

 **Another is to make her an OC in body and soul.**

 **The other option is to make her have the soul of a Naruto character. I was thinking someone like Haku, Neji, Itachi and Mito Uzumaki (and yes, three of the four were originally male). You can suggest others, but it can't be Minato or Kushina themselves, since he would be imagining another child for them when making her, someone who would Fall right away (like Jiraiya to Lust), or someone who would be happier staying dead (Obito is with Rin, as are the Ame Three with each other). Also no Nawaki, because he is said to be like young Naruto by Tsunade and we already have a Naruto.  
Also keep in mind I did not decide if I'll make movies and games count before suggesting someone from them.**

 **That's the three options, really. Nothing, OC, or reincarnation as a little girl.**


	10. Are you ready to come back?

**I've been stuck on the next chapter for a while. For some reason, despite knowing what I wanted to write, it wouldn't flow. Tried focusing on side-projects and even starting new stories but... no deal.**

 **Then I finally think I figured out the problem...**

 **This small semi-chapter is me explaining what I think the problem may be, in-story (although it may not be as clear with what already happened, it may have been more of a problem with my mindset when writing what was supposed to already be this chapter), and an attempt to fix it and move back on track soon, hopefully.**

 **As thus, sorry it is short, but hopefully it'll make my mind work again for next chapters to return soon.**

IIIII

Naruto resisted the urge to sigh, as the group hug extended. No one seemed to want to let go.

He kind of liked it. He had been starved for positive atention for long, so he liked to bask in any that he got even nowadays.

But for some reason it also irked him.

 **"So you noticed,"** came the voice of Kurama in his mind. **"Finally."**

While his face was still holding a small smile, Naruto send to Kurama an image of him frowning in confusion.

 **"Are you tired of playing 'God' yet?"**

 _"What do you mean?"_

 **"This felt good at first, didn't it? The people treating you well because of who you are. Even if you do not recall it, people calling you family, happy for you just being there.  
You wanted it for a while, right?**

 **But now you noticed... it feels wrong. Not fitting.**

 **Undeserved.**

 **Like empty praise."**

Naruto resisted the urge to frown at that.

 **"And there we go, the second problem. Or, well, kind of the result."**

A second problem...

As if a switch had been turned on, Naruto understood.

 _"I see..."_ Naruto said back. _"I spent so long working for being accepted, losing sweat, tears, blood, an arm... To be accepted. To have someone tell me they are happy to see me. To prove to the village I was worthy, until I finally saw that the people that deserved that work were those that I thought so back. And then I fought hard to prove myself deserving of the respect they gave me back, not to them now but to myself._

 _Even the Oiroke, at first an attempt of imagining an older sister, then turned into a prank, then I made it a fighting technique that was good enough to give us the opening we needed to fight back against Kaguya!"_

 **"Yes, that... actually happened. No one would believe it coming from anyone else, but Uzumaki Naruto was able to do it."**

 _"Now I got it from these people, this worship... but just for being the reincarnation of someone... It is not something I worked for. Empty praise, it is for someone else. It is being given_ **through** _me, not for me. It is the opposite of what I worked for. It is something I despised, seeing it happen to others, how they were praised for things outside their control instead of for what they worked for and deserved._

 _And... I think I've been trying to change myself to deserve it."_

 **"Yes. You've been trying to be this 'God' for them, because you are his reincarnation.**

 **Naruto... you are the transmigrant of Ashura, but I barely gave him the time of the day, and he did the same to all of us as far as I recall. Hashirama was the transmigrant of Ashura too, but none of us saw him with good eyes after his actions. We did not become your friends because of who you were in another life. We became your friends because of who you are in this one.**

 **These people... they do not know Uzumaki Naruto. Some of them do, but of those, the only ones that did not change their behavior once you were revealed as the reincarnation of their god were the Devils, as far as I can tell they treat you differently just because they don't know how much they knew was the real you yet, Metatron and Dohnaseek, who already knew and took the time to know Naruto before the other knew, Asia, who already looked up to you anyway, and Irina, who... judging from how she treated Metatron during breakfast..."**

 _"And I liked so much being treated well by them because of that, I started acting more like I thought he would do instead of as myself,"_ Naruto understood.

He wasn't acting like himself. They were not treating him like himself either, but as their Father or God, and he was changing himself trying to match their expectations.

That wasn't right, to either side.

 **"I agree.**

 **So, Uzumaki Naruto, I ask again. Are you ready to stop 'playing God'?**

 **Are you ready to come back?"**

Outside, he smiled, a large one. To most people watching, it gave no further thoughts.

Metatron and Sona shivered.

The other ninjas sighed, recognizing it.

 _"Try and stop me."_


End file.
